P&B Hospital

[Steve_Wilkos]

On 24/07/2023 at 18:37, Billy Jean King said:

Beat me to it, why folk dont just admit they shave their bawbag I just don't know.

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago.

There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

[Venti]

41 minutes ago, Steve_Wilkos said:

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago.

There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

[Billy Jean King]

1 hour ago, Steve_Wilkos said:

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago.

There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

Way, way, way TMI

[101]

5 hours ago, Steve_Wilkos said:

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago.

There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

Use binoculars next time

[HTG]

18 minutes ago, 101 said:

Use binoculars next time

With or without a guard?

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Why in the name of f**k are folk taking electrically powered clippers anywhere near their scrotums? Use a fucking razor.

[TxRover]

1 hour ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

Why in the name of f**k are folk taking electrically powered clippers anywhere near their scrotums? Use a fucking razor.

While I’ve heard of a straight razor and a safety razor, this is a new one.

[hk blues]

20 hours ago, scottsdad said:

Depends on your GP practice, but mine has a physio on staff. He does 2 days a week with my practice and the rest elsewhere. 

I've been to him with a few problems. Last time I was there with my elbow, he gave me exercises to do - no joining the big official waiting list (unless his exercises don't work). 

Might be worth phoning and asking. 

 

22 hours ago, BTFD said:

Paging the auld farts.

I fucked my knee a few months back and had no choice but to keep doing heavy lifting for the rest of the day, despite it being fucking agony. It's not been happy with me since, although it's a lot better. The main problem now is that sitting down for more than half an hour displeases it, and I have to stretch it out for a while or it becomes increasingly painful.

I'd go to the doctor and join the physiotherapy waiting list for a printout of stretching exercises downloaded from the internet, but I figured this might be an occasion where this thread might actually be more useful, considering the number of moaning-faced auld duffers we have. Anyone have any suggestions?

To save time, I've already considered:

• not sitting down (not always possible)
• going back in time and not hurting myself (working on it; might need help)
• windows down, heating up full blast
• WD40
• amputation/firing it into the sea or sun

So, basically pretend to be scottsdad and get an appointment at his doc's. 

[BFTD]

On 04/09/2023 at 14:33, scottsdad said:

Depends on your GP practice, but mine has a physio on staff. He does 2 days a week with my practice and the rest elsewhere. 

I've been to him with a few problems. Last time I was there with my elbow, he gave me exercises to do - no joining the big official waiting list (unless his exercises don't work). 

Might be worth phoning and asking. 

I'll try them again, but they've been awful for minor physiotherapy for a decade or more, and they're far worse for everything now. 

On 05/09/2023 at 10:53, hk blues said:

So, basically pretend to be scottsdad and get an appointment at his doc's. 

Excellent advice; I'll also be able to get something done about my prolapsed rectum without having to lie about it how it happened.

On 04/09/2023 at 16:29, Steve_Wilkos said:

I knicked my ballsack (where it connects with the base of my shaft) with my hair clippers with a #1 guard on a few months ago.

There was blood all over the bath, but I managed to plug the wound with toilet paper before waddling to the kitchen (with my hands cupping my ballsack) to get some plasters.

I've done this a few times. The amount of blood from a tiny nick to the scrotum is wild. Heals really quickly, thankfully.

Still the best way of trimming your undercarriage if you don't want to be bald, or mistaken for Bigfoot at your neighbours' weekend "dinner parties".

[alta-pete]

On 04/09/2023 at 12:37, BTFD said:

Paging the auld farts.

I fucked my knee a few months back and had no choice but to keep doing heavy lifting for the rest of the day, despite it being fucking agony. It's not been happy with me since, although it's a lot better. The main problem now is that sitting down for more than half an hour displeases it, and I have to stretch it out for a while or it becomes increasingly painful.

I'd go to the doctor and join the physiotherapy waiting list for a printout of stretching exercises downloaded from the internet, but I figured this might be an occasion where this thread might actually be more useful, considering the number of moaning-faced auld duffers we have. Anyone have any suggestions?

To save time, I've already considered:

• not sitting down (not always possible)
• going back in time and not hurting myself (working on it; might need help)
• windows down, heating up full blast
• WD40
• amputation/firing it into the sea or sun

Not sure of the detail of your injury Dave but I had a dog run into the side of my knee and knock (the 16st) me 4ft up in the air in late 2019. Just pre-lockdown. Took a couple of man-up pills, did the physio and just got on with it. 

Fast forward to now, the MRI scan expert says the inside face (the load bearing side) of the knee is actually fine but it seems I’ve got a cartilage issue on the outside part. Now booked in for a cortisone injection in the hope that’ll sort it.

The knee is currently not that limiting but i know it’s just not right and do feel it needs sorting. But I also now fear old age immobility. Whether by inaction on my part or an overly enthusiastic doctor. Either way, I think I’ll be needing to put a deposit down on a Belfast taxi. 

Hope that helps (reading it back it probably doesn’t), but best of luck! 

Edited September 6, 2023 by alta-pete

[Granny Danger]

On 05/09/2023 at 10:53, hk blues said:

 

So, basically pretend to be scottsdad and get an appointment at his doc's. 

Surely agonising pain is a better option.

[hk blues]

9 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

Surely agonising pain is a better option.

[Raidernation]

Well, brief synopsis.

14/5/23 Ambulance to ER throwing up blood and severe abdominal pain.

Sometime shortly after being admitted, was (and I only know this from other people/nurses/doctors/surgeon) some kind of scan leading to an emergency operation to remove necrotic intestines followed up by second surgery day after. They told my stepdaughter my outlook was “very poor” (aka je May well die on the table or afterwards)

Dont recall the next week or so, was in ICU then surgical recovery and now a week in the rehab unit.

Discharge tomorrow still with 2 huge wounds in my stomach/abdomen are and currently on wound vac.

tl;dr rn nearly died but is going home tomorrow 

[TxRover]

2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Well, brief synopsis.

14/5/23 Ambulance to ER throwing up blood and severe abdominal pain.

Sometime shortly after being admitted, was (and I only know this from other people/nurses/doctors/surgeon) some kind of scan leading to an emergency operation to remove necrotic intestines followed up by second surgery day after. They told my stepdaughter my outlook was “very poor” (aka je May well die on the table or afterwards)

Dont recall the next week or so, was in ICU then surgical recovery and now a week in the rehab unit.

Discharge tomorrow still with 2 huge wounds in my stomach/abdomen are and currently on wound vac.

tl;dr rn nearly died but is going home tomorrow 

Sounds rather nasty, glad to hear you’ve avoided the nearly option! Sounds like ample time to catch up on P&B!

[BFTD]

2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Well, brief synopsis.

14/5/23 Ambulance to ER throwing up blood and severe abdominal pain.

Sometime shortly after being admitted, was (and I only know this from other people/nurses/doctors/surgeon) some kind of scan leading to an emergency operation to remove necrotic intestines followed up by second surgery day after. They told my stepdaughter my outlook was “very poor” (aka je May well die on the table or afterwards)

Dont recall the next week or so, was in ICU then surgical recovery and now a week in the rehab unit.

Discharge tomorrow still with 2 huge wounds in my stomach/abdomen are and currently on wound vac.

tl;dr rn nearly died but is going home tomorrow 

Holy shitballs. What causes that?  

Hopefully the only pain you have now comes from seeing the ambulance bill!

[SlipperyP]

Friday evening having a few beers as you do.  The wife walks in and I ask her to nip down to the village centre to get some food.

My choice for me was Tom seb moo (spicy pork soup) and a surprise dish of her choice.

She came back with the said above and the surprise was Lab moo nam dok (spicy pork mince in a blood sauce).  All good very tasty.

My alarm went off at 01;30 to watch the Scotland game.  As i was setting up the laptop, a growl from my stomach, sounded like an angry bear in the room...

It was time to move, fast enough to get to the toilet, but not too fast so the bomb drops on the designated target.  I made it just.  As I was crouging the firework began, with thunder the tsunami rushed out my body.  After the event had settled down, looking behind and down through the sweat dripping from my brow, it had apeared that someone had just emptied a litre off Daddies Brown sauce down the pan.

My arsehole was in tatters, but the laptop had to be set up and stream found, so off I limp up the stairs and watch the first half.

Half time came and a visit to the bog was needed, not like the last time, but it was brewing, it had to come out before the second half kicked off.

This time was painful, like shitting through the eye of a needle, and that was the result...A shite the width of a shoelace.  I was in agony, my sphincter was pulsating to the beat of a happy hardcore soundtrack.

I watched the second half and went back to bed with pulsing bum.

Up at the crack of dawn for a shite, again...the ring sting was unbearable.  I went back to bed a lay in the recover position for 3 hours, while the beat goes on.

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up, things to do and places to go. I had to drive on my motorbike 5km to get an MOT, a quater of the way there I had to stand up while driving., like a stunt driver from Wembley Arena, I gave no f**k about the looks I was recieving. My spead buttocks on the seat were on the no, no.

While at the garage, I nipped next door, to by some pasta, get some real British food down me, stop this nightmare, during the walkabout in the shop, I looked in the ice-cream fridge and was very temped in buying a ice lolling and sticking up my arse...

Drove back home (standing up), made the pasta and waited....3 hrs past and it was time.

I walked into the toilet with a towel round my neck, like a heavyweight boxer entering the ring....and it happened.  A solid, baseball bat length shite.  Finally I could get back my life...

[carpetmonster]

Pished last night, took a nosedive, broken three bones in left foot. Silly old c**t. 

[GTG_03]

18 hours ago, SlipperyP said:

Friday evening having a few beers as you do.  The wife walks in and I ask her to nip down to the village centre to get some food.

My choice for me was Tom seb moo (spicy pork soup) and a surprise dish of her choice.

She came back with the said above and the surprise was Lab moo nam dok (spicy pork mince in a blood sauce).  All good very tasty.

My alarm went off at 01;30 to watch the Scotland game.  As i was setting up the laptop, a growl from my stomach, sounded like an angry bear in the room...

It was time to move, fast enough to get to the toilet, but not too fast so the bomb drops on the designated target.  I made it just.  As I was crouging the firework began, with thunder the tsunami rushed out my body.  After the event had settled down, looking behind and down through the sweat dripping from my brow, it had apeared that someone had just emptied a litre off Daddies Brown sauce down the pan.

My arsehole was in tatters, but the laptop had to be set up and stream found, so off I limp up the stairs and watch the first half.

Half time came and a visit to the bog was needed, not like the last time, but it was brewing, it had to come out before the second half kicked off.

This time was painful, like shitting through the eye of a needle, and that was the result...A shite the width of a shoelace.  I was in agony, my sphincter was pulsating to the beat of a happy hardcore soundtrack.

I watched the second half and went back to bed with pulsing bum.

Up at the crack of dawn for a shite, again...the ring sting was unbearable.  I went back to bed a lay in the recover position for 3 hours, while the beat goes on.

Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up, things to do and places to go. I had to drive on my motorbike 5km to get an MOT, a quater of the way there I had to stand up while driving., like a stunt driver from Wembley Arena, I gave no f**k about the looks I was recieving. My spead buttocks on the seat were on the no, no.

While at the garage, I nipped next door, to by some pasta, get some real British food down me, stop this nightmare, during the walkabout in the shop, I looked in the ice-cream fridge and was very temped in buying a ice lolling and sticking up my arse...

Drove back home (standing up), made the pasta and waited....3 hrs past and it was time.

I walked into the toilet with a towel round my neck, like a heavyweight boxer entering the ring....and it happened.  A solid, baseball bat length shite.  Finally I could get back my life...

Reading this I felt like I was there. Tremendous storytelling ability slippery.

[BFTD]

This week I have been mostly pishing stomach acid out of my starfish every three or four hours. I think I caught food poisoning just by reading SlipperyP's story.

No idea what's actually going on - I don't feel ill at all, although my ringpiece is starting to express its displeasure with being slowly dissolved, and last night it leaked out into my pants while I was sleeping, which is less than ideal. Should I bother trying to get the first available appointment at the surgery (sometime next year), or just book myself in at the crematorium now?

[welshbairn]

13 minutes ago, BTFD said:

This week I have been mostly pishing stomach acid out of my starfish every three or four hours. I think I caught food poisoning just by reading SlipperyP's story.

No idea what's actually going on - I don't feel ill at all, although my ringpiece is starting to express its displeasure with being slowly dissolved, and last night it leaked out into my pants while I was sleeping, which is less than ideal. Should I bother trying to get the first available appointment at the surgery (sometime next year), or just book myself in at the crematorium now?

If your ringpiece survives till Monday and it's still getting tortured I'd definitely try for a GP appointment, failing that phone 111. You could always spice it up by saying there's been some blood coming out just to get them interested, even if there hasn't been.