carpetmonster Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 Pished last night, took a nosedive, broken three bones in left foot. Silly old c**t. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTG_03 Posted September 11, 2023 Share Posted September 11, 2023 18 hours ago, SlipperyP said: Friday evening having a few beers as you do. The wife walks in and I ask her to nip down to the village centre to get some food. My choice for me was Tom seb moo (spicy pork soup) and a surprise dish of her choice. She came back with the said above and the surprise was Lab moo nam dok (spicy pork mince in a blood sauce). All good very tasty. My alarm went off at 01;30 to watch the Scotland game. As i was setting up the laptop, a growl from my stomach, sounded like an angry bear in the room... It was time to move, fast enough to get to the toilet, but not too fast so the bomb drops on the designated target. I made it just. As I was crouging the firework began, with thunder the tsunami rushed out my body. After the event had settled down, looking behind and down through the sweat dripping from my brow, it had apeared that someone had just emptied a litre off Daddies Brown sauce down the pan. My arsehole was in tatters, but the laptop had to be set up and stream found, so off I limp up the stairs and watch the first half. Half time came and a visit to the bog was needed, not like the last time, but it was brewing, it had to come out before the second half kicked off. This time was painful, like shitting through the eye of a needle, and that was the result...A shite the width of a shoelace. I was in agony, my sphincter was pulsating to the beat of a happy hardcore soundtrack. I watched the second half and went back to bed with pulsing bum. Up at the crack of dawn for a shite, again...the ring sting was unbearable. I went back to bed a lay in the recover position for 3 hours, while the beat goes on. Time to stop feeling sorry for yourself and man up, things to do and places to go. I had to drive on my motorbike 5km to get an MOT, a quater of the way there I had to stand up while driving., like a stunt driver from Wembley Arena, I gave no f**k about the looks I was recieving. My spead buttocks on the seat were on the no, no. While at the garage, I nipped next door, to by some pasta, get some real British food down me, stop this nightmare, during the walkabout in the shop, I looked in the ice-cream fridge and was very temped in buying a ice lolling and sticking up my arse... Drove back home (standing up), made the pasta and waited....3 hrs past and it was time. I walked into the toilet with a towel round my neck, like a heavyweight boxer entering the ring....and it happened. A solid, baseball bat length shite. Finally I could get back my life... Reading this I felt like I was there. Tremendous storytelling ability slippery. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 This week I have been mostly pishing stomach acid out of my starfish every three or four hours. I think I caught food poisoning just by reading SlipperyP's story. No idea what's actually going on - I don't feel ill at all, although my ringpiece is starting to express its displeasure with being slowly dissolved, and last night it leaked out into my pants while I was sleeping, which is less than ideal. Should I bother trying to get the first available appointment at the surgery (sometime next year), or just book myself in at the crematorium now? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted September 22, 2023 Share Posted September 22, 2023 13 minutes ago, BTFD said: This week I have been mostly pishing stomach acid out of my starfish every three or four hours. I think I caught food poisoning just by reading SlipperyP's story. No idea what's actually going on - I don't feel ill at all, although my ringpiece is starting to express its displeasure with being slowly dissolved, and last night it leaked out into my pants while I was sleeping, which is less than ideal. Should I bother trying to get the first available appointment at the surgery (sometime next year), or just book myself in at the crematorium now? If your ringpiece survives till Monday and it's still getting tortured I'd definitely try for a GP appointment, failing that phone 111. You could always spice it up by saying there's been some blood coming out just to get them interested, even if there hasn't been. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted September 23, 2023 Share Posted September 23, 2023 2 hours ago, BTFD said: This week I have been mostly pishing stomach acid out of my starfish every three or four hours. I think I caught food poisoning just by reading SlipperyP's story. No idea what's actually going on - I don't feel ill at all, although my ringpiece is starting to express its displeasure with being slowly dissolved, and last night it leaked out into my pants while I was sleeping, which is less than ideal. Should I bother trying to get the first available appointment at the surgery (sometime next year), or just book myself in at the crematorium now? pasta, get it doon n man up 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 Playing football this morning went over on my ankle, heard like a cracking noise but after a couple minutes was able to play on, played another 30mins or so tweaked it again so went off. Fast forward to now at I've got quite a bit of swelling on top of the foot towards the outside and struggling to put weight on it. Diagnose my fucked foot P&B and will it need amputated? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 1 minute ago, Empty It said: Playing football this morning went over on my ankle, heard like a cracking noise but after a couple minutes was able to play on, played another 30mins or so tweaked it again so went off. Fast forward to now at I've got quite a bit of swelling on top of the foot towards the outside and struggling to put weight on it. Diagnose my fucked foot P&B and will it need amputated? Torn tendons ? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigBo10 Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 Broken metatarsal. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 8 minutes ago, BigBo10 said: Broken metatarsal. Nah its more towards the ankle, also wasn't an impact injury 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted October 1, 2023 Share Posted October 1, 2023 4 hours ago, Empty It said: Playing football this morning went over on my ankle, heard like a cracking noise but after a couple minutes was able to play on, played another 30mins or so tweaked it again so went off. Fast forward to now at I've got quite a bit of swelling on top of the foot towards the outside and struggling to put weight on it. Diagnose my fucked foot P&B and will it need amputated? Reminiscent of the time I had a penile fracture. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugster Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 12 hours ago, Empty It said: Nah its more towards the ankle, also wasn't an impact injury Could be ligament damage 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michael W Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 13 hours ago, Empty It said: Playing football this morning went over on my ankle, heard like a cracking noise but after a couple minutes was able to play on, played another 30mins or so tweaked it again so went off. Fast forward to now at I've got quite a bit of swelling on top of the foot towards the outside and struggling to put weight on it. Diagnose my fucked foot P&B and will it need amputated? Almost certainly ligament damage. Has it gone a worrying shade of purple yet? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 1 hour ago, Michael W said: Almost certainly ligament damage. Has it gone a worrying shade of purple yet? Aye, up and about on it today so might not be that bad but every so often it twists and it feels like someone has taken a sledgehammer to my foot. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 11 hours ago, BTFD said: Reminiscent of the time I had a penile fracture. Was it yours? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 23 minutes ago, Empty It said: Aye, up and about on it today so might not be that bad but every so often it twists and it feels like someone has taken a sledgehammer to my foot. Sounds like what they called a sprained ankle in the olden days. Stick it in a bucket of ice for twenty minutes whenever you get the chance and take ibuprofen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Empty It Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 2 hours ago, welshbairn said: Sounds like what they called a sprained ankle in the olden days. Stick it in a bucket of ice for twenty minutes whenever you get the chance and take ibuprofen. What do you suggest then 500mg of man the f**k up? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 1 minute ago, Empty It said: What do you suggest then 500mg of man the f**k up? That and rest it as much as you can. Wear boots rather than trainers. A sprained ankle is just what they now call ligament damage. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jives Miguel Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 I tried my friends smart watch on the other day for a couple of minutes, and my resting heart rate was 120 bpm. I think i might be due a heart attack soon. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melanius Mullarkey Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 11 minutes ago, Jives Miguel said: I tried my friends smart watch on the other day for a couple of minutes, and my resting heart rate was 120 bpm. I think i might be due a heart attack soon. You got any good stuff we can have? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted October 2, 2023 Share Posted October 2, 2023 26 minutes ago, Jives Miguel said: I tried my friends smart watch on the other day for a couple of minutes, and my resting heart rate was 120 bpm. I think i might be due a heart attack soon. What's your shoe size? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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