What's The Worst Pain You Have Ever Experienced?

[Leith Green]

Few years ago a routine check found suspected blood in my urine. I put it off for a couple of years, but had to eventually go for a cystoscopy so they could check my bladder.

All the shite you read ahead talks about the camera being a "small flexible tube" and it being "virtually pain free".

Pish, it was like a pipe cleaner going up the wrong way.........

And not helped by being introduced up my Japs eye by a female consultant, aided by 2 female nurses, one of whom had injected anaesthetic down my (at this point, squashed into some weird donut shape) cock.

At one point she said it "might be easier to push it past your prostate if you relax a bit".........FML

My embarrassment was made complete when she said she wanted to do a digital prostate exam "just to be on the safe side".

[Sergeant Wilson]

15 minutes ago, Leith Green said:

Few years ago a routine check found suspected blood in my urine. I put it off for a couple of years, but had to eventually go for a cystoscopy so they could check my bladder.

All the shite you read ahead talks about the camera being a "small flexible tube" and it being "virtually pain free".

Pish, it was like a pipe cleaner going up the wrong way.........

And not helped by being introduced up my Japs eye by a female consultant, aided by 2 female nurses, one of whom had injected anaesthetic down my (at this point, squashed into some weird donut shape) cock.

At one point she said it "might be easier to push it past your prostate if you relax a bit".........FML

My embarrassment was made complete when she said she wanted to do a digital prostate exam "just to be on the safe side".

It's NHS speak. "You might feel some discomfort" as they shove a national grid sized cable up your bum.

[Oystercatcher]

I had the mumps when I was a kid I still remember lying in the hall screaming at the pain.

[Shandon Par]

6 hours ago, RH33 said:

Shandon par could run this thread to several pages!

Burns (like touching the hot brake disk of a car) or getting a finger caught in the gears of a machine were sore but worst was a kid. Our staircase veered in a couple of directions and one day I decided it was time to leap from one to the other, swinging down into the downstairs hall. There was a fair bit of height, precision and distance involved. The initial leap was good as I made it across the void, caught the opposite landing and swung down towards the ground floor. Didn’t swing far enough and landed on my balls on the top of the downstairs bannister. Basically a 15 ft jump to land squarely on my balls on top of a post. 

My grandparents were looking after me and rushed down to see what the huge crash was and all I could do was growl and silently weep on the floor as they asked what happened, where was hurting etc. 

[Bairnardo]

Burns (like touching the hot brake disk of a car) or getting a finger caught in the gears of a machine were sore but worst was a kid. Our staircase veered in a couple of directions and one day I decided it was time to leap from one to the other, swinging down into the downstairs hall. There was a fair bit of height, precision and distance involved. The initial leap was good as I made it across the void, caught the opposite landing and swung down towards the ground floor. Didn’t swing far enough and landed on my balls on the top of the downstairs bannister. Basically a 15 ft jump to land squarely on my balls on top of a post. 
My grandparents were looking after me and rushed down to see what the huge crash was and all I could do was growl and silently weep on the floor as they asked what happened, where was hurting etc. 

Did you tell them it was the blank space where your balls would be?

[peasy23]

I have been experiencing the torture of a kidney stone over the past 48 hours and, whilst I would love to claim to be bravely facing up to it, I actually ended up curled up in a ball on the floor, crying, shouting and swearing whilst Mrs. Nosejob was on the ‘phone to NHS 24.
Drink plenty of fluids people.

My late dad was never one for complaining about pain or rattling pills, but the one thing I ever saw reduce him to an absolute wreck was a kidney stone.

[velo army]

Absolutely fucking hating every single one of the kidney stone posts. Would probably just chop my cock off and bleed out than go through that. 

Anyway. Jumping out of a window and landing on my arse, fracturing three vertebrae is by far and away the worst pain for me.

My right collar bone fracture is a close second, especially when I went into the shower after it happened and I slipped......putting my right hand out to stop myself falling. 

First time I've cried from pain in years.

[Loonytoons]

Mentioned by a previous poster but emotional/mental pain is dreadful in a totally different way.

Physically, cruciate ligament playing football for me.
Lying on the ground trying to push away from the pain with my good leg only to have my bad leg keep up.

Toothache is an absolute b*****d too, no escape. The chronic toothache is horrendous but when that acute lightning bolt hits, no coherent thought is possible.

Oh aye, speaking of lightning bolt hits; in for an inguinal hernia op and decided local anaesthetic was the way to go. Being awake when they wheeled in 6 students was painful enough, getting thrown about the operating table by a gorilla pretending to be a surgeon was marginally worse but when that fucker banged something against my vas deferens it felt like a 240 volt charge from the tip of my dick to my arsehole.

[Shotgun]

I suffered excruciating pain in the days after having my wisdom teeth out. The dentist kept reassuring me "It's just a loose chip of tooth or bone. Your body will soon absorb it." I told him repeatedly that it felt as though my eyeball was being pushed out from the inside, and I was literally crying from the pain but to no avail.

Turned out to be the mother of all sinus infections. The op had left a wee hole between my upper gum and the sinus cavity behind my cheekbone. Not uncommon apparently but the infection was something else. For 2 or 3 years afterwards my head never stopped leaking nasty, infected goo and I had to carry a box of tissues at all times. Multiple doctors had a go at trying to fix it but it was acupuncture which did the trick in the end. Go figure.

Wouldn't wish those first few days on my worst enemy. At least, nobody outwith the top 5.

I think the worst pain I've had though was after a bicycle crash where the blacktop scoured off a large percentage of my skin. To the bone on my hip and elbow and close to it in several other areas. Now that was truly horrible.

Edited January 29, 2022 by Shotgun
Shotgun can't speel

[IrishBhoy]

I dislocated my shoulder when I was about 16 at my football training. We had a Scottish Cup tie up in Aberdeen that weekend and the manager decided the last 10 minutes of training would be practicing penalties. I was the goalkeeper and was diving around the goalmouth trying to save my team mates penalties. Unfortunately for me the pitch we trained on had a lot of rocks/bricks close to the surface of the grass, and I connected with one of them square on the elbow during an attempted save. My shoulder came out the socket and I could feel it grinding against my ribs as my skin flapped about where the shoulder should be. At that point I actually didn’t realise it was only dislocated, I assumed I had snapped the bone in half. It was around about the same time Henrik Larson had that terrible leg break for Celtic, and I thought I had done similar to my arm.
 

My manager used my jersey as a make shift sling and drove me to accident and emergency, but just as I got out the car I felt the shoulder judder as it fell back into its socket. I still went and got an X-ray but the doctors couldn’t see anything wrong. It still pops out on the odd occasion, but I’ve got a technique to get it back in and there doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage. That initial pain and the feeling of shoulder touching rib was the most uncomfortable and worrying thing I’ve experienced. 

[Cptn Hooch]

3 minutes ago, IrishBhoy said:

It still pops out on the odd occasion....there doesn’t seem to be any lasting damage. 

Are you sure?

[IrishBhoy]

Just now, Cptn Hooch said:

Are you sure?

Well true. But I mean it still functions normally and there’s no pain, even after putting it back in. 
It’s not like it falls out once a week, it’s happened maybe 10 times in about 15 years. The most recent was December last year when I was having a light spar at the boxing, I got spun round and it fell out. A couple of dunts under the armpit and it went back in and I was able to box on with absolutely no pain or swelling after it. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

My heart breaking when Liz MColgan looked at me briefly then walked away into Argos in the Overgate just before Christmas.

[Bairnardo]

If we are including pains that arent acute physical types of pain.....

The way I felt after 3 days of pills and powder in Benidorm circa 2009.

The anguish was unbearable.

[Miguel Sanchez]

3 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

If we are including pains that arent acute physical types of pain.....

The way I felt after 3 days of pills and powder in Benidorm circa 2009.

The anguish was unbearable.

Sounded a good laugh right enough.

On 22/10/2018 at 06:55, Bairnardo said:

Worst comedowns thread?

Mines was after a three day pills/lager/ching bender in Benidorm. Started on the plane home where sweating and jumping out of my own skin each time the plane deviated even slightly and was followed ny three days of no sleep, hallucinations/voices in bed and no food until my mate eventually appeared at my door with some homemade soup. I managed to get that down me and almost straight after it fell into a lovely wee sleep on the couch and returned to the lamd of the living. Was truly a horrendous few days.

 

[Bairnardo]

8 minutes ago, Miguel Sanchez said:

Sounded a good laugh right enough.

 

Aww god man.  

 

In fairness, it was class at the time. 

[BFTD]

16 hours ago, Oystercatcher said:

I had the mumps when I was a kid I still remember lying in the hall screaming at the pain.

Christ, I forgot about that. I vaguely remember having mumps when I was tiny and screaming the place down for a couple of days. Those things are awful at that age as you've no frame of reference for pain and can't understand why it's happening  

Whooping cough was dreadful too, as I couldn't breathe and was constantly panicking about it, which made matters worse. Get the impression I was choking until I passed out, then my breathing would normalise until I woke up and the cough would start again...rinse and repeat.

The worst thing my son ever had was constipation, thankfully. Him screaming in pain over that was bad enough!

[scottsdad]

20 minutes ago, BFTD said:

The worst thing my son ever had was constipation, thankfully. Him screaming in pain over that was bad enough!

 

[BFTD]

13 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

I really need to watch Curb Your Enthusiasm.

That has just reminded me of Katie Morgan in Zack and Miri Make a Porno, however.

"That chick frosted me like I was a fucking cake!"

[NUMBER 7]

Got hospitalised with diverticulitis pain 10/10 a number of years ago, pain was incredible much worse than heart attack 7/10 pain.

After getting a stent popped in while having the heart attack, on returning to the ward, I filled four of these cardboard pots with the piss that I passed.