Calling Cards of Morons

[Flybhoy]

People on social media just now posting screenshots of their cycle/jog/walk today.

A crabbit Derrick Bird driving by tomorrow whilst you are on said cycle/jog/walk would be poetic justice. 

[coprolite]

3 hours ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Even grapefruit?

You could coat that shit in sugar an inch thick and it would still taste like thrush.

I'm fairly sure that if you bite into an un-sugared grapefruit your gums peel back so far your teeth will fall out. 

[BFTD]

9 hours ago, Gerald Elbowdent said:

People who say shit like this about vegans:

 

As a meat-eater of over a quarter-century, I've literally never experienced this from a vegan ever.

Maybe you've got the look that you'll eat the skin off their face if they bother you.

I figure that must be the reason why nobody wants to talk to me.

[Jacksgranda]

27 minutes ago, BigFatTabbyDave said:

Maybe you've got the look that you'll eat the skin off their face if they bother you.

I figure that must be the reason why nobody wants to talk to me.

Aye, that'll be it, allright.

[Shotgun]

14 hours ago, Gerald Elbowdent said:

People who say shit like this about vegans:

 

As a meat-eater of over a quarter-century, I've literally never experienced this from a vegan ever.

I've been on the go for over 1/2 a century and in that time, there have been countless occasions where people have tried to pressure me into following their religion, giving up drinking, stopping smoking* and having children. Not once has anyone ever given me shit about eating meat. 

I genuinely don't understand why someone choosing not to eat something causes so much anger in people who aren't affected in any way.

 

* I gave that up years ago, by my own choice.

[Shotgun]

1 hour ago, Gerald Elbowdent said:

 

Aye, drinking would be easily the worst. I've done it myself a million times as a drinker. 

Thing is, if you did give up drinking, you’d be able to mention it in conversation or ask online if anyone could recommend non-alcoholic drink recipes without getting a ton of crap about how non-drinkers “never shut up about it.”

You wouldn’t get people trying to catch you out in any inconsistency. “Ahh, but you use rubbing alcohol to clean things, don’t you?”

You’d be able to join your workmates in the pub for happy hour without someone announcing “Gerald has turned teetotal!” and then having to sit there for the next hour while everyone talks shit about you.

You wouldn’t have anyone waving glasses of whisky under your nose saying “Oooh, this is lovely. Wouldn’t you like some? Go on, just have a sip. You know you want to.”

And you wouldn’t have business clients taking you to bars where no soft drinks were on the menu, so you’d have to ask the barman specifically to leave the alcohol out of your glass and then have them ridicule you for being difficult.

Or if you were at a family member's house and they offered you a beer, you’d be able to politely decline it without them acting like you’d taken a dump on the carpet.

Nor would you have to deal with them sneaking alcohol into your soft drink without your knowledge and then roaring with laughter after you’d drunk it.

Because if people reacted that way to someone who chose not to drink alcohol, they’d rightly be considered dicks.

[Miguel Sanchez]

30 minutes ago, Shotgun said:

Thing is, if you did give up drinking, you’d be able to mention it in conversation or ask online if anyone could recommend non-alcoholic drink recipes without getting a ton of crap about how non-drinkers “never shut up about it.”

You wouldn’t get people trying to catch you out in any inconsistency. “Ahh, but you use rubbing alcohol to clean things, don’t you?”

You’d be able to join your workmates in the pub for happy hour without someone announcing “Gerald has turned teetotal!” and then having to sit there for the next hour while everyone talks shit about you.

You wouldn’t have anyone waving glasses of whisky under your nose saying “Oooh, this is lovely. Wouldn’t you like some? Go on, just have a sip. You know you want to.”

And you wouldn’t have business clients taking you to bars where no soft drinks were on the menu, so you’d have to ask the barman specifically to leave the alcohol out of your glass and then have them ridicule you for being difficult.

Or if you were at a family member's house and they offered you a beer, you’d be able to politely decline it without them acting like you’d taken a dump on the carpet.

Nor would you have to deal with them sneaking alcohol into your soft drink without your knowledge and then roaring with laughter after you’d drunk it.

Because if people reacted that way to someone who chose not to drink alcohol, they’d rightly be considered dicks.

 

[throbber]

Does anyone else meet a great number of people who don’t even know chewing the fat even existed? I have met plenty of still game fans who are 30/40’s who don’t know it’s a spin off from a sketch show. 

[throbber]

1 minute ago, MixuFruit said:

It's become something of a boutique collector's item, I sold my series one to four box set I bought in Fopp for a fiver 20 years ago for 50 quid earlier this year.

You can watch them all on YouTube. It was a great sketch show, Jack and victors characters were good but they were hardly the showpiece, the most popular sketches at the time were the “gonnae no dae that” ones or Ronald Villiers probably: my favourite was the camp old guys who loved the Glasgow banter and Partick thistle. That episode they were hanging about in the changing rooms eating oranges at half time was hilarious.

[throbber]

1 minute ago, MixuFruit said:

I liked the two guys in tweed trying to do a great outdoors travelogue and getting harassed by neds at every turn.

 

I remember watching it with my folks at the time and they weren’t sure what the neds  were shouting and my mum said “I think it’s you couple of baddies!” 

[Moomintroll]

2 minutes ago, MixuFruit said:

I liked the two guys in tweed trying to do a great outdoors travelogue and getting harassed by beds at every turn.

Taxi fur a couple a fannies.

[throbber]

There was a sketch where they rolled a massive log down the hill that totally wiped the guys out once that was funny as f**k as well. The hilarious combination of neds and the middle classes of Scottish society was hilariously illustrated in their sketches and you see guys like Kevin Bridges using the same sort of material in his stand up shows.

[Bairnardo]

Does anyone else meet a great number of people who don’t even know chewing the fat even existed? I have met plenty of still game fans who are 30/40’s who don’t know it’s a spin off from a sketch show. 

Coincidentally me and Mrs B watched some of season 1 on Thursday night. I remembered it as good but assumed it would be dated and cheesy looking now.
It's not, its actually superb.

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

30 minutes ago, MixuFruit said:

It's become something of a boutique collector's item, I sold my series one to four box set I bought in Fopp for a fiver 20 years ago for 50 quid earlier this year.

£80 on Amazon at the moment.

[Guest]

You can watch them all on YouTube. It was a great sketch show, Jack and victors characters were good but they were hardly the showpiece, the most popular sketches at the time were the “gonnae no dae that” ones or Ronald Villiers probably: my favourite was the camp old guys who loved the Glasgow banter and Partick thistle. That episode they were hanging about in the changing rooms eating oranges at half time was hilarious.

The invisible boss was top notch.

[Mr Waldo]

40 minutes ago, throbber said:

Ronald Villiers

"Too fat"     

For some reason I laughed at that for weeks.

[Miguel Sanchez]

1 hour ago, MixuFruit said:

It's become something of a boutique collector's item, I sold my series one to four box set I bought in Fopp for a fiver 20 years ago for 50 quid earlier this year.

@BigFatTabbyDave

[Distant Doonhamer]

People who say shit like this about vegans:
 
As a meat-eater of over a quarter-century, I've literally never experienced this from a vegan ever.

I’m a partial vegan. I still eat meat but I’m really smug about it.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

1 hour ago, Perkin Flump said:

Taxi fur a couple a fannies.

Bit harsh on throbber and Mixu.

Well, Mixu anyway.

[Moomintroll]

23 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Bit harsh on throbber and Mixu.

Well, Mixu anyway.

Let's all be friends on here mozza, these are troubled times. But aye f**k it, throbbs, you're under the bus, sorry m9.