Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Melanius Mullarkey]

2 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

I was only in the cinema once when the film was interrupted.  It was because Kennedy had been assassinated.  The film was stopped and everybody went home.  I was eight at the time so didn’t understand the enormity of the event.

Aye King Kennedy of Pangea.

[Derry Alli]

There was a pub in Aberdeen who installed some sort of signal blocking equipment in their walls (probably tin foil) so that the patrons would talk to one another and spend less rime on their phones. 

[BFTD]

8 hours ago, milton75 said:

There's plenty in cinemas that expose the worst in humanity. Whoever first came up with the idea of selling popcorn, one of the noisiest foods, is a dick. Also, rather than have all these adverts asking people to switch off their phones, just make it a rule that if you keep talking to your pals or you take a call you are removed immediately. 1 strike and out would sort it out.

I would happily murder anyone using a phone during a film, or refusing to shut the f**k up.

I'd happily murder most people at the best of times TBH, but those c***s would get extra murdered.

[Silvio Tattiescone]

Mrs NBB has just given a bit more detail - the popcorn cup was full (to the brim) of diarrhoea and was found in one of the loos, which was itself liberally covered in puke, inches deep around the pan, in the pan, over the cistern. The expert medical opinion of the staff was someone had been having an "event" where eruptions were occurring simultaneously from both ends. Going by the splatter patterns, they surmised he had been kneeling over the bowl holding the popcorn cup by his arse (there was even a spray of diarrhoea up the inside of the door).

[Melanius Mullarkey]

3 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

There was a pub in Aberdeen who installed some sort of signal blocking equipment in their walls (probably tin foil) so that the patrons would talk to one another and spend less rime on their phones. 

Yir phones ‘ll nae work cause o the wa’s o this jint

 So spik tae each ither and sup yir fuckin pint(s).

[Genuine Hibs Fan]

4 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

There was a pub in Aberdeen who installed some sort of signal blocking equipment in their walls (probably tin foil) so that the patrons would talk to one another and spend less rime on their phones. 

Was in a Sam Smith's pub in Manchester once that had guys walking around telling people off for using their phones. Nearly got chucked out for checking P&B while my pal was having a pish 

[Silvio Tattiescone]

Talking of phones, at the end of one showing an irate gentleman demanded to see the manager as he wanted a refund. He'd felt the need to shite shortly after his film had started so left his wife in the auditorium whilst he went to the nearest loo - a disabled one by the door. Once in he'd let fly so to speak, before discovering there was no bog roll.  Now why he didn't use the sink or some other alternative I have no idea, instead he tried phoning his wife but her phone was switched off whilst she enjoyed the film. He sat there for an hour and a half until the film ended and she switched her phone on again. Now he'd been rescued, he wanted a refund on the basis he'd missed the film because my wife didn't put loo roll in the bog. 

[NotThePars]

28 minutes ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Was in a Sam Smith's pub in Manchester once that had guys walking around telling people off for using their phones. Nearly got chucked out for checking P&B while my pal was having a pish 

What you get for drinking near the Printworks bro

[velo army]

31 minutes ago, Newbornbairn said:

Talking of phones, at the end of one showing an irate gentleman demanded to see the manager as he wanted a refund. He'd felt the need to shite shortly after his film had started so left his wife in the auditorium whilst he went to the nearest loo - a disabled one by the door. Once in he'd let fly so to speak, before discovering there was no bog roll.  Now why he didn't use the sink or some other alternative I have no idea, instead he tried phoning his wife but her phone was switched off whilst she enjoyed the film. He sat there for an hour and a half until the film ended and she switched her phone on again. Now he'd been rescued, he wanted a refund on the basis he'd missed the film because my wife didn't put loo roll in the bog. 

Tbf not having bog roll in the loos is super basic stuff and the fella is completely entitled to his refund imo. 

I used to work in a cinema too and I was totally fine with folk being messy b*****ds. Bear in  mind that the chap/chapette cleaning up has sat and watched a movie for free. Easiest job I ever had.

[Bert Raccoon]

1 hour ago, Newbornbairn said:

Mrs NBB has just given a bit more detail - the popcorn cup was full (to the brim) of diarrhoea and was found in one of the loos, which was itself liberally covered in puke, inches deep around the pan, in the pan, over the cistern. The expert medical opinion of the staff was someone had been having an "event" where eruptions were occurring simultaneously from both ends. Going by the splatter patterns, they surmised he had been kneeling over the bowl holding the popcorn cup by his arse (there was even a spray of diarrhoea up the inside of the door).

We've all been there 

[Mark Connolly]

I really detest the use of the word "brief" when referring to match tickets

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, Genuine Hibs Fan said:

Was in a Sam Smith's pub in Manchester once that had guys walking around telling people off for using their phones. Nearly got chucked out for checking P&B while my pal was having a pish 

Sam Smith's pubs are often quite weird places, often very cheap as well to be fair. I can drink most of the stuff but it's an acquired taste.

[Sergeant Wilson]

27 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

We've all been there 

At least he shut the door.

[Sergeant Wilson]

6 minutes ago, ICTChris said:

One of the oddest corners of Twitter is the diet corner. This guy is the most crazed of them all - he’s adapted the paleo/carnivore diet to consist of claiming to only eat raw meat, usually left to room temperature.

This includes raw chicken.

going to continue to monitor to see if the guy stops tweeting forever after a heavy load of raw meat. Mental.

Was it him^^^?

1 hour ago, Newbornbairn said:

Mrs NBB has just given a bit more detail - the popcorn cup was full (to the brim) of diarrhoea and was found in one of the loos, which was itself liberally covered in puke, inches deep around the pan, in the pan, over the cistern. The expert medical opinion of the staff was someone had been having an "event" where eruptions were occurring simultaneously from both ends. Going by the splatter patterns, they surmised he had been kneeling over the bowl holding the popcorn cup by his arse (there was even a spray of diarrhoea up the inside of the door).

 

[hk blues]

16 hours ago, jimbaxters said:

Exactly. The "whit if there is an emergency?" line gets used anywhere mobiles are banned. Addicts!

 

The point is we shouldn't be looking at blocking phone signals, we should be "educating" folk on their proper usage i.e. if you use the phone in the cinema, you're out

[BFTD]

10 hours ago, Newbornbairn said:

Talking of phones, at the end of one showing an irate gentleman demanded to see the manager as he wanted a refund. He'd felt the need to shite shortly after his film had started so left his wife in the auditorium whilst he went to the nearest loo - a disabled one by the door. Once in he'd let fly so to speak, before discovering there was no bog roll.  Now why he didn't use the sink or some other alternative I have no idea, instead he tried phoning his wife but her phone was switched off whilst she enjoyed the film. He sat there for an hour and a half until the film ended and she switched her phone on again. Now he'd been rescued, he wanted a refund on the basis he'd missed the film because my wife didn't put loo roll in the bog. 

It sort of speaks volumes for a relationship if one of you disappears to the loo at the start of a film and the other doesn't bother their arse to see what's happened to you until the credits roll.

[WhiteRoseKillie]

1 hour ago, BFTD said:

It sort of speaks volumes for a relationship if one of you disappears to the loo at the start of a film and the other doesn't bother their arse to see what's happened to you until the credits roll.

Either that or it's a cracking source for a quote on the poster: "Rab fúcked off for a shite and I was so engrossed in Captain America's Black Widow Assembly that I never noticed for the whole three and a half hours!" - Senga McLung, East Kilbride.

[TheScarf]

Healing yourself is that last thing you're doing eating that much red meat every day.

[welshbairn]

12 hours ago, Newbornbairn said:

Talking of phones, at the end of one showing an irate gentleman demanded to see the manager as he wanted a refund. He'd felt the need to shite shortly after his film had started so left his wife in the auditorium whilst he went to the nearest loo - a disabled one by the door. Once in he'd let fly so to speak, before discovering there was no bog roll.  Now why he didn't use the sink or some other alternative I have no idea, instead he tried phoning his wife but her phone was switched off whilst she enjoyed the film. He sat there for an hour and a half until the film ended and she switched her phone on again. Now he'd been rescued, he wanted a refund on the basis he'd missed the film because my wife didn't put loo roll in the bog. 

He should have used his single use socks like any normal person. 

[GordonD]

14 hours ago, BFTD said:

I would happily murder anyone using a phone during a film, or refusing to shut the f**k up.

I'd happily murder most people at the best of times TBH, but those c***s would get extra murdered.

I remember a letter in Viz (one of the genuine ones) from somebody in Newcastle who said he was at the pictures sitting next to Ruud Gullit, who spent the entire film translating the dialogue into Dutch for the benefit of his wife/girlfriend.

13 hours ago, Newbornbairn said:

Talking of phones, at the end of one showing an irate gentleman demanded to see the manager as he wanted a refund. He'd felt the need to shite shortly after his film had started so left his wife in the auditorium whilst he went to the nearest loo - a disabled one by the door. Once in he'd let fly so to speak, before discovering there was no bog roll.  Now why he didn't use the sink or some other alternative I have no idea, instead he tried phoning his wife but her phone was switched off whilst she enjoyed the film. He sat there for an hour and a half until the film ended and she switched her phone on again. Now he'd been rescued, he wanted a refund on the basis he'd missed the film because my wife didn't put loo roll in the bog. 

Presumably his wife wasn't carrying a spare bog roll in her handbag, so he was expecting her to tell a member of staff. So why didn't he phone the cinema directly to alert them to his plight?