Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[Newbornbairn]

Thanks I'll be right up your back alley soon.

If the back doors are shut, just smash them in. It'll be fine, really.

[throbber]

I hate people who use the word kip for sleep

[Dee Man]

I hate people who use the word kip for sleep

No you don't. You might find it mildly annoying but you don't hate them.

Why so irritable at this time in the morning anyway? Did you not get a good nights kip?

Edited May 15, 2014 by Dee Man

[throbber]

No you don't. You might find it mildly annoying but you don't hate them.

Why so irritable at this time in the morning anyway? Did you not get a good nights kip?

I suppose it was a bit drastic of me to say that - the word just pisses me right off

It got brought on by reading the word chap for knocking on a door, another word i hate

[Mark Connolly]

The mymate.co.uk advert.

Not only is it yet another "great terms" payday loan company (746% APR), but they have absolutely butchered "I am the one and only" by Chesney Hawkes.

Scum, subhuman scum.

[Venti]

Americans who say "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less"

[Gareth_Glasgow]

Americans who say "could care less" instead of "couldn't care less"

I'll allow it.

[DA Baracus]

Went to the cinema. Among the myriad adverts was one Better Together one and two No Borders ones. All were insulting garbage full of lies. One of the No Borders one went something like this;

"An Englishman, a Welshman and a Scotman all lose their passports abroad. The Welshman and the Englishman go to the British embassay and get home. The Scotsman gets stranded."

"That's not funny."

"I never said it was."

That's right, we should vote no in case we lose our passport abroad...

[Sergeant Wilson]

Surely the Scotsman would just go to the Scottish embassy?

Or are we not having those?

My plans for the staffing arrangements are in place already.

Edited May 16, 2014 by Sergeant Wilson

[paranoid android]

When the folk at the front of the queue you're waiting in move forward, but the c**t directly in front of you doesn't fucking move.

[DA Baracus]

Surely the Scotsman would just go to the Scottish embassy?

Or are we not having those?

Nah we're too small and stupid for that.

[Dee Man]

Folk that sell cars on websites saying stuff like "it only needs a flux capacitor but the guy at the local garage said it would only cost £60 to fit one". Yeah? Well get the c**t to fix it then, sell a reliable car and fire £60 on the asking price.

[Bert Raccoon]

Mo Farah and his incredibly annoying voice, Practice Protein Practice Protein.........

Veggie mince eating c**t.

[mikebhoy123]

Automated phone systems..... I had to phone the tax office the other day and it took 12.5 minutes of talking to an automated system before I got to speak to a human being - by which time of course I was fking raging I hate the whole idea of those things ( automated answering systems ) and I had used the " house phone " as it's an 0845 number - which meant I had to listen with the phone to my ear all the time as I didn't know when someone would answer..... ( and lI had to listen to the insincere " we are sorry to keep you waiting " messages every two minutes )

To make matters worse - it was a demand for £73 which I offered / wanted to pay there and then but was told I need to send a cheque ! ( I do have a cheque book but it's a long story ) I mean who the fk has a cheque book in this day and age ( except me )

I did suggest that instead of spending my hard earned tax ( which I'm sure I don't even owe ) on a fancy phone system they could perhaps modernise their fking payment system as after all, that is the very reason they exist - the lassie said she would pass on my helpful ideas

[Bert Raccoon]

I reckon it's a marketing campaign by the British Beef Society or whatever they're called.

Well it's certainly working, in fact I'm gnawing on a raw steak as we speak.

[Bert Raccoon]

Bert gnawing on raw meat? Bygum.

No Homo.

[Gaz FFC]

Automated phone systems..... I had to phone the tax office the other day and it took 12.5 minutes of talking to an automated system before I got to speak to a human being - by which time of course I was fking raging I hate the whole idea of those things ( automated answering systems ) and I had used the " house phone " as it's an 0845 number - which meant I had to listen with the phone to my ear all the time as I didn't know when someone would answer..... ( and lI had to listen to the insincere " we are sorry to keep you waiting " messages every two minutes )

To make matters worse - it was a demand for £73 which I offered / wanted to pay there and then but was told I need to send a cheque ! ( I do have a cheque book but it's a long story ) I mean who the fk has a cheque book in this day and age ( except me )

I did suggest that instead of spending my hard earned tax ( which I'm sure I don't even owe ) on a fancy phone system they could perhaps modernise their fking payment system as after all, that is the very reason they exist - the lassie said she would pass on my helpful ideas

I remember phoning 1 of these automated phone lines and being met with the response that their hours were 8AM - 10PM??????

Seriously!!!!!

[kev23]

My inability to eat just one or two biscuits. Just opened a packet of Maryland cookies to dunk in my tea. Intended to just eat a few. Packet is now empty and I feel horrible

Edited May 17, 2014 by kev23

[Gaz]

My inability to eat just one or two biscuits. Just opened a packet of Maryland cookies to dunk in my tea. Intended to just eat a few. Packet is now empty and I feel horrible

Scum. Sub-human scum.

[Colbert]

People haggling. It was on Gumtree for £50 and when I phoned in reply to your vowel-free text you agreed to £50. Don't start haggling after that, especially after I've taken the bus into town to meet you somewhere that suits you.