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3 minutes ago, mathematics said:

Fat b*****ds cost it more, says Mrs Mathematics. I’ll remind her of that when I have to go to A&E with her hairbrush stuck up my jacksy.

What about fat folk trying to hit their prostate with household objects and getting stuck.

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5 hours ago, throbber said:

My Mrs was out last night and I had the house and the kids to myself and all went fine except for at 12 o clock today I found that my house keys were half way through my letterbox meaning that I either dropped my keys outside or I left them in the door when retuning from a trip out. This has left me in a dangerous situation however as i haven’t found out which neighbour did the honourable thing yet and there’s the risk that they will see my Mrs before they see me and tell her they posted my keys that were left in the door on Saturday night which will land me in hot soup. 

Bit late but say there was unique chance to buy a very special Christmas present for somebody, and beyond that your lips are sealed, and you only abandoned your children for 5 minutes.

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4 hours ago, Bairnardo said:

I just read an interview with Rod Stewart on BBC. By f**k that man has a special power to make skin crawl.

This is worse than the pissing woman:

Quote

I'm sure everybody is asking you about the song Kookooaramabama. Where does that term come from?

We were in the studio and we'd laid down the track, and I had the [backing singers] in there and I just started singing it: "Kookooaramabama!" It just was so rhythmic and catchy - and that's the wonder of making music. Suddenly you think of this idea, and you can go and do it.

The song is an ode to the joys of sex, which is something you've never been shy about talking about in your music.

There's a few sexy tracks on the album, you know? One More Time is about when you break up and you say, "Oh come on, let's have one more shag," although I've never done that myself.

And the second track [Gabriella] is about a girl who decides to give up her virginity and goes out to choose the right guy. They're all sexy tracks.

If it's not a rude question, what is your libido like now you're in your 70s?

[Laughing] You just mind your own business! It's okay - but I'm not going to tell you any more than that!

Rod Stewart

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