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There's a bit in an episode of QI that talks about the ejaculations of the Sherlock Holmes stories. There are 23 of them and I was systematically ticking them off as I worked my way through the complete collection last year.

The best one is definitely when one of the characters 'ejaculates from a second floor window' in 'The Man with the Twisted Lip' which is well worth a read even before you take into account this Alan Lithgow-esque behaviour.

QI.com

Watson ‘ejaculates’

Watson ‘ejaculates’ twice as often as Sherlock Holmes in Conan Doyle’s stories. There are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson. On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable; on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée. Holmes is only responsible for six ejaculations, although it is not clear which of the two men ejaculate in the passage below:

So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up, and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips, the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze, but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.

The Man with the Twisted Lip, 1891

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty. The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband, who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window.

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:lol::lol::lol:

I can't read that for laughing too much and my mrs is wondering wtf is going on!! I don't care if people think its childish the word is just so funny and has obviously evolved to only have one meaning but i can't stop laughing at the word and am so happy Mozzamozza used it :lol:

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QI.com

Watson ‘ejaculates’

Watson ‘ejaculates’ twice as often as Sherlock Holmes in Conan Doyle’s stories. There are 23 ejaculations in total, with 11 belonging to Watson. On one occasion, Holmes refers to Watson’s ‘ejaculations of wonder’ being invaluable; on another, Watson ejaculates ‘from his very heart’ in the direction of his fiancée. Holmes is only responsible for six ejaculations, although it is not clear which of the two men ejaculate in the passage below:

So he sat as I dropped off to sleep, and so he sat when a sudden ejaculation caused me to wake up, and I found the summer sun shining into the apartment. The pipe was still between his lips, the smoke still curled upward, and the room was full of a dense tobacco haze, but nothing remained of the heap of shag which I had seen upon the previous night.

The Man with the Twisted Lip, 1891

A chap called Phelps ejaculated three times during the story of The Naval Treaty. The only other ejaculator is Mrs St Clair’s husband, who ejaculates at her from a second-floor window.

The reason I never liked the Conan Doyle books was that so many of his characters were w*nkers.

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Ever been sitting in your house on a Tuesday afternoon and thought "I could get steaming right now?"

I have about 8 miniature whisky bottles and a bottle of beer in my possession. I could drink them right now and get drunk. I'm not with mates, I'm not going out tonight, it's just another normal Tuesday afternoon. But if I had a drink it could become a very different day.

Anyone else ever think what it could be like?

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Ever been sitting in your house on a Tuesday afternoon and thought "I could get steaming right now?"

I have about 8 miniature whisky bottles and a bottle of beer in my possession. I could drink them right now and get drunk. I'm not with mates, I'm not going out tonight, it's just another normal Tuesday afternoon. But if I had a drink it could become a very different day.

Anyone else ever think what it could be like?

Yesterday i had 6 beers left in the fridge - my mrs got up and left the house about 8 o clock and at about 9 i just thought f**k it and treated myself to the beers - between 9 - 12 i drank all 6 of them then had breakfast/lunch then went to the gym and swim and sweated it off, had more to eat then got 6 more beers in so the mrs wouldn't get suspicious and ask questions, drank 2 of them before she came back then i went to meet her down at Tesco to go shopping and had the remaining 4 of them after my dinner.

Wouldn't want to get shit faced on whisky mind you

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Ever been sitting in your house on a Tuesday afternoon and thought "I could get steaming right now?"

I have about 8 miniature whisky bottles and a bottle of beer in my possession. I could drink them right now and get drunk. I'm not with mates, I'm not going out tonight, it's just another normal Tuesday afternoon. But if I had a drink it could become a very different day.

Anyone else ever think what it could be like?

Aye, it'd genuinely be shite mate dinna bother. Can't think of nothing worse than being blootered by myself. I'd just end up falling asleep. :lol:

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Aye, it'd genuinely be shite mate dinna bother. Can't think of nothing worse than being blootered by myself. I'd just end up falling asleep. :lol:

Nonsense. If you're the type of person who needs other people around to validate you and help you enjoy yourself then, yeah, it would be shite. However, if you're an adult, comfortable in your own skin and happy in your own company then there's no reason why you can't have a drink on your own.

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Nonsense. If you're the type of person who needs other people around to validate you and help you enjoy yourself then, yeah, it would be shite. However, if you're an adult, comfortable in your own skin and happy in your own company then there's no reason why you can't have a drink on your own.

Thats exactly what I'm like Pete - a lot of people think WTF when i say i would have a bottle of wine and a few beers on my own if the mrs was out but its just what i am happy with, Some people must not like the pleasure of their own company?

I didn't do this sort of thing til i was 25 maybe but now i love it, nothing would make me happier than having the flat to myself for a weekend, would chose that over going to a house party 9 times out of 10 probably

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Nonsense. If you're the type of person who needs other people around to validate you and help you enjoy yourself then, yeah, it would be shite. However, if you're an adult, comfortable in your own skin and happy in your own company then there's no reason why you can't have a drink on your own.

I don't need other people to help me enjoy myself, I just don't need alcohol to help me enjoy myself. I'd rather stay in control if I had no plans to go out or whatever.

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Ever been sitting in your house on a Tuesday afternoon and thought "I could get steaming right now?"

I have about 8 miniature whisky bottles and a bottle of beer in my possession. I could drink them right now and get drunk. I'm not with mates, I'm not going out tonight, it's just another normal Tuesday afternoon. But if I had a drink it could become a very different day.

Anyone else ever think what it could be like?

I regularly do it on my days off, I went to the pub on a Tuesday afternoon for a meal and ended up drinking at my mates until midday on Wednesday playing FIFA.

I don't know what made us do it but It was fun

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Unless you have problems with alcohol, you should be able to stay in control. Having a couple of beers to yourself is a pleasant experience. I also find I drink slower if I'm in my own company so I'd never get absolutely wrecked.

I found over the holidays that I'd wake and bake every morning and just be stoned for pretty much a solid week. I felt a bit grubby and scummy but I thoroughly enjoyed myself. Couldn't do that all the time, mind you.

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I don't need other people to help me enjoy myself, I just don't need alcohol to help me enjoy myself. I'd rather stay in control if I had no plans to go out or whatever.

You're still young though, i probably hammered it till i was 24 and would probably not consider drinking just in the house by myself if i wasn't going out but as i got older and started seeing the mrs the appeal of going out wore off a bit, plus the money you can save from staying in with a few beers rather than spending shit loads on average nights out will definitely effect your out look on the subject.

I definitely don't think its anti social like some people say it is as i enjoy the company of others, i just can't be fucked

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I don't need other people to help me enjoy myself, I just don't need alcohol to help me enjoy myself. I'd rather stay in control if I had no plans to go out or whatever.

If you can't drink without "losing control" then you need to give up drink.

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I'm at a stage where if offered the chance to go to the pub for four pints with a friend or stay at home and have four beers watching the telly, I'd probably opt with the latter. I cannot be arsed going out much anymore, and the idea of having to do social things after finishing work fills me with dread.

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I'm at a stage where if offered the chance to go to the pub for four pints with a friend or stay at home and have four beers watching the telly, I'd probably opt with the latter. I cannot be arsed going out much anymore, and the idea of having to do social things after finishing work fills me with dread.

That wee Arbroath guy says you won't have any fun, Adam.

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