The_Kincardine Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 1st point I noticed is she is wearing an awful lot of clothes for being in bed. Indeed. If only we had an enterprising poster willing to sell her an electric blanket. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Tell her to get drunk and wander round to Lichtie's house - sorted. Even if he's no in......well we all know what happens there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 We had pasta with prosecution ham the other night, according to the missus. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 We had pasta with prosecution ham the other night, according to the missus. Better than pints with a peado tbh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The_Kincardine Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 We had pasta with prosecution ham the other night, according to the missus. How can you cure such ignorance? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted March 29, 2016 Share Posted March 29, 2016 Missus just told me that while she was through making tea she farted in the kitchen, sniffed the milk ten seconds later and thought it had gone off. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 We've had some mail for someone by the name of James. "I think this guy's a bit of a dodgy b*****d, some of the letters are for 'James' and others are for 'Jim.' I spent the next 20 minutes showing her various celebrities such as Jimi Hendrix, Jimmy Carr, Jim Carrey etc to prove that Jim/Jimmy/Jimi are all shortened versions of James. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Started a new job this week and sat down at an island of desks next to a heavily pregnant woman. She was on the phone to her doctor / husband for about 15 minutes, talking about her inner goings-on. I tried my hardest not to here, but it's hard not to ... especially with phrases such as "I can't take much more of my cervix". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bold Rover Posted April 5, 2016 Share Posted April 5, 2016 Started a new job this week and sat down at an island of desks next to a heavily pregnant woman. She was on the phone to her doctor / husband for about 15 minutes, talking about her inner goings-on. I tried my hardest not to here, but it's hard not to ... especially with phrases such as "I can't take much more of my cervix".Good to know her doctor was at her cervix. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arabdownunder Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Started a new job this week and sat down at an island of desks next to a heavily pregnant woman. She was on the phone to her doctor / husband for about 15 minutes, talking about her inner goings-on. I tried my hardest not to here, but it's hard not to ... especially with phrases such as "I can't take much more of my cervix". Should tell her its unethical for her husband to also be her doctor 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted April 6, 2016 Share Posted April 6, 2016 Tired cervix you say? Doctor P&B prescribes a boot in the pie twice a day until whinging stops. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted April 7, 2016 Share Posted April 7, 2016 A cracker from yesterday: "I'm not quite sure which bridge is older, but erm, I think the Road Bridge was built before the rail one" - Waitress at the 3 Bridges, Queensferry 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 Bought one of those portable charger things that charges phones when you're out and about. "Look at this cable here, it said it would fit and i-phone, that won't fit my i-phone, we've been conned!" she says, pointing to the cable used to charge the recharger. "No pet, you use your own i-phone charger to charge your phone, except you plug the USB into the recharger." "Eh....?" Cue about ten minutes of practical demonstration until she got it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Antlion Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 "See the name Minnie, what is it short for again?" "Eh, nothing. It's just a name." "No, no, it's definitely short for something." "Like what?" "Isn't it, like, Minifred?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jacksgranda Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 "See the name Minnie, what is it short for again?" "Eh, nothing. It's just a name." "No, no, it's definitely short for something." "Like what?" "Isn't it, like, Minifred?" Minnie is a diminutive - Winifred, Wilhelmina, Hermione etc 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 Or Minnie the Mouse. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Todd_is_God Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 Minnie Mouse is short for Minerva Mouse 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted April 10, 2016 Share Posted April 10, 2016 Missus and I started watching the film "What we do in the shadows". It's done in a mockumentary style. Starts off with a vampire talking to camera about his home and his vampire flatmates. The captions on screen mention that he's about 400 years old. It also mentions the film crew are wearing crucifixes etc. "Is this a documentary?" asks the good lady. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 Missus and I started watching the film "What we do in the shadows". It's done in a mockumentary style. Starts off with a vampire talking to camera about his home and his vampire flatmates. The captions on screen mention that he's about 400 years old. It also mentions the film crew are wearing crucifixes etc. "Is this a documentary?" asks the good lady. I hope you did the decent thing and spun that out for as long as possible. I'm betting she caught on when Vlad was introduced, but I might be giving your missus a bit too much credit there. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted April 11, 2016 Share Posted April 11, 2016 I had a great aunt called Minnie, but she's far too dead to ask what her birth name was, alas. How the f**k does Minnie get to be a diminutive of Mary or Amelia, FFS? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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