welshbairn Posted July 8, 2017 Share Posted July 8, 2017 What's philpy doing in a windmill? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Guy in work talking about his holiday in Spain and the sunburn he got. Burd asks if he went skiing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Guy in work talking about his holiday in Spain and the sunburn he got. Burd asks if he went skiing. Bit pedantic but you can ski in Spain and I've got sunburnt skiing in Norway. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Guy in work talking about his holiday in Spain and the sunburn he got. Burd asks if he went skiing. Bit pedantic but you can ski in Spain and I've got sunburnt skiing in Norway. This, its quite easy to get sunburn skiing. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 I'd imagine it's unlikely that somebody would be skiing in Spain in July though. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Wife - oh look, the sun is coming upDaughter - that's the moon mum 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thistledo Posted July 20, 2017 Share Posted July 20, 2017 My missus comes away with some belters on a daily basis. Recent favourites include. "Denmark... That's where Dutch people are from yeah?" *On hearing someone talking about where Polynesians are from* "I don't want to sound stupid, but i'm thinking Poland" Her: Is OJ Simpson alive? Me: Yes Her: But the people he killed aren't? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 I've always been impressed by my missus's sense of smell and palate. Any time we have a bottle of wine she can detect the myriad of smells and flavours, naming plum, tobacco, guava etc right through to seaside and dry hay. I never get any of these thing. White wine taste of grapefruit and red of, well, red wine. Imagine my horror when she asked, "how do they decide which flavouring to add to which wine?" WTF, all these I thought you were a know it all smarty pants 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dindeleux Posted August 5, 2017 Share Posted August 5, 2017 Pray for Dinds lads.Just came out to clean this hutch and she said to me "be careful out there I found a scorpion when I cleaned that out the other day".After some questioning it turned out to be a beetle. -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted August 6, 2017 Share Posted August 6, 2017 I don't know what that thing at the front is, but it's a hell of a size. Also seems to have eaten your rabbit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Out for a walk last night with missus and pup. Mrs stops by a field with a couple of horses. Doesn't notice bloke on mountain bike puffing uphill next to her as she shouts over to me "it's got a massive cock". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 The bloke on the bike must have been pleased to see her. Those Lycra shorts don't leave much to the imagination. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zen Archer (Raconteur) Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 48 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: Out for a walk last night with missus and pup. Mrs stops by a field with a couple of horses. Doesn't notice bloke on mountain bike puffing uphill next to her as she shouts over to me "it's got a massive cock". Was she using you as a benchmark? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Just watched some video online about rescued cats, as you do, and shouted to her "Fucking hell, these cats have got no eyes", to which she replies "What, are they blind?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 2 hours ago, Dee Man said: Just watched some video online about rescued cats, as you do, and shouted to her "Fucking hell, these cats have got no eyes", to which she replies "What, are they blind?" How do they smell? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 21 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said: How do they smell? Because they can. Hold on, I've got the wrong joke. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Just now, Dee Man said: Because they can. Hold on, I've got the wrong joke. No eye deer! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 9 minutes ago, KnightswoodBear said: No eye deer! It's not a lion, it's a giraffe. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 Also, whilst out with Mrs.. the dog took a dump outside someone's front door. I cleaned it up with a plastic bag thingy like a responsible chap and planned to put it in the next bin. The householder was standing by his front door, right next to us, minding his own business. Mrs didn't notice it and said "just chuck the bag in that guy's skip once he is gone". Had to shoot double dead-eyes at missus and the householder to diffuse the situation. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted August 9, 2017 Share Posted August 9, 2017 6 minutes ago, Shandon Par said: Also, whilst out with Mrs.. the dog took a dump outside someone's front door. I cleaned it up with a plastic bag thingy like a responsible chap and planned to put it in the next bin. The householder was standing by his front door, right next to us, minding his own business. Mrs didn't notice it and said "just chuck the bag in that guy's skip once he is gone". Had to shoot double dead-eyes at missus and the householder to diffuse the situation. You should've just left it hanging from a tree branch like everyone else does. Dirty bassas. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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