Depression

[++Ammo - Airdrie++]

1 hour ago, Mr. Alli said:

Thanks for the replies, guys.

Have spoken to my boss this morning. He has told me to get whatever it is I need sorted, sorted and he will see me next year as "I don't care about you taking time off to sort your head out. You're about the only one with half a brain in here".

I'm away to go into town and finish off Christmas looting so might try and nip into CAB. 

I've also managed a he'll of a lot of sleep and have calmed down immensely. I'm never, ever going back to a vape. Same as everything, too much of it and it'll damage you. Those things absolutely ruin me into some sort of high nervous disposition. 

Thank you all again.

 

Probably totally unhelpful, but shows in a way everyone's different coping mechanisms...... the first thing I do when i'm stressed, is absolutely hammer the vape.  In work, my office is like an afghan tea house when you open the door, but thats my thing.  The first step is done.... you've made a plan.  Too often I've found myself (this last month especially) in a sea of paperwork and e-mails, absolutely no route out.  I've had a great conversation this morning with the company MD, we've sat down and worked out what I'm going to do, the way forward for the office and what the new manager needs to do when he/she comes in.  Sometimes all it takes is a bit of the fog to clear and you can see a path.  In that one post you've made there, You've spoke to your boss, decided to do a bit of shopping, decided to see the CAB, as well as getting a bit of well deserved sleep.  You might not think it, but you've made massive steps in a short space of time, use that to fuel your next step.

We're all, always, only 1 decision away from a bad turn, ALL OF US, but theres umpteen strangers on a football forum who are right behind you here and a bit of shit talking and shooting the breeze is always only a PM away. Take care ma man.

 

29 minutes ago, moses1924 said:

No advice for anyone really but just wanted to wish everyone who is finding it hard and posting here all the best, @Mr. Alligood to hear the presure on the job eased a bit, @RH33hope you get through the enforced happiness and @Raidernationsome people can just be really thoughtless, I cant think why anyone would plan a trip to a bar in that situation, happy birthday when it comes, @++Ammo - Airdrie++@SweeperDee @superwell87hope you guys are doing ok and @Hoose Riceas well. Lots of good folk on this thread who post supportive comments and good practical advice @TxRover @scottsdad @DA Baracus @The Moonster @johnnydun At least we all have good, succesful football teams to support to get us through...

Echo this.  Of all the safe spaces to open up, who'd have thought a bunch of grumpy, shit football team supporting reprobates would be the shoulder we needed!!

[Derry Alli]

20 minutes ago, ++Ammo - Airdrie++ said:

Probably totally unhelpful, but shows in a way everyone's different coping mechanisms...... the first thing I do when i'm stressed, is absolutely hammer the vape.  In work, my office is like an afghan tea house when you open the door, but thats my thing. 

My usual coping mechanism was to hammer the ching. It got to a point where my shoelace come untied = stress = £120.  I was at a point where I was tanning a HQ everyday and still being able to function at work the next day whereas a decade ago I'd have had half left and been fucked for three days.

I rarely vape but Monday night done a whole 600 cartridge through the night to try emulate a little head buzz and when I went for a walk in the morning it was like I had one leg longer than the other, my head was absolutely fried.

[++Ammo - Airdrie++]

4 minutes ago, Mr. Alli said:

My usual coping mechanism was to hammer the ching. It got to a point where my shoelace come untied = stress = £120.  I was at a point where I was tanning a HQ everyday and still being able to function at work the next day whereas a decade ago I'd have had half left and been fucked for three days.

I rarely vape but Monday night done a whole 600 cartridge through the night to try emulate a little head buzz and when I went for a walk in the morning it was like I had one leg longer than the other, my head was absolutely fried.

Horses for courses ma man.

I had a couple of years, went back on the tools in the industry im in, drove the Mrs dad's taxi at night for a bit of extra ££, ended up before every shift, 3 for £100, tuesday nights, thursday nights, the lot, absolute nightmare, driving a taxi absolutely pinging.

I still smoke green, but only after work and weekends, I drink about twice a year because that can be a trigger, especially siting in the house drinking, so I just avoid it.

Got a great bit f advice the other day, start making selfish decisions.  I try and be a bit of a people pleaser, always trying to make a decision to benefit someone else, but now, f*ck it, they don't make decisions that benefit me.

The biggest thing I struggle with is one day absolutely flying, buzzing, laughing joking, diving about like a daft wee guy....... waking up the next day, flat as a pancake, dont want to talk, engage, even make eye contact, that's the thing for me.  Do what YOU need to do and if people can't accept its for your own benefit...... then do you really need their input?

[Bairnardo]

Ammo Airdrie spot on with the path chat there. Things that stress you out are absolutely like fog for the mind. There's nothing worse than when something initially hits you and you can't process it, but in my experience that's just it.... You CAN'T process it. Not immediately at least. There's a lot to be said for taking one of life's big shots, of which it has a vast fucking array, and taking a knee for a few seconds till the fog clears. It always does. And a path out always appears, but in those initial moments if you forget to give yourself a chance, the bad stuff can come down and make it all snowball. 

Fog, paths.... Good analogies I think. 

Iv got a lot going on with family atm. Specifically the wife's family. Not going to go into detail here, but she is struggling badly and will continue to do so. Me.... Iv seen this particular situation before in my own family. I can actually see the whole thing playing out in front of me but because I'm still calm, I can clear the path for her, and what I keep saying to her is, get all the information. Don't react to what hasn't yet happened. Don't react to what you don't yet understand. Don't try to swim against the current of your emotions, you will drown. If you want to cry go and cry. Crying is cathartic for your body and mind. You won't keep doing it just cos you started, it will pass because you let it out. 

 

[TxRover]

On 21/12/2022 at 08:28, Bairnardo said:

Ammo Airdrie spot on with the path chat there. Things that stress you out are absolutely like fog for the mind. There's nothing worse than when something initially hits you and you can't process it, but in my experience that's just it.... You CAN'T process it. Not immediately at least. There's a lot to be said for taking one of life's big shots, of which it has a vast fucking array, and taking a knee for a few seconds till the fog clears. It always does. And a path out always appears, but in those initial moments if you forget to give yourself a chance, the bad stuff can come down and make it all snowball. 

Fog, paths.... Good analogies I think. 

Iv got a lot going on with family atm. Specifically the wife's family. Not going to go into detail here, but she is struggling badly and will continue to do so. Me.... Iv seen this particular situation before in my own family. I can actually see the whole thing playing out in front of me but because I'm still calm, I can clear the path for her, and what I keep saying to her is, get all the information. Don't react to what hasn't yet happened. Don't react to what you don't yet understand. Don't try to swim against the current of your emotions, you will drown. If you want to cry go and cry. Crying is cathartic for your body and mind. You won't keep doing it just cos you started, it will pass because you let it out. 

 

Good advise. I’m currently quite actively struggling against a whole load of crap rolling down the hill, but by being focused on item by item, by moving carefully as necessary as stuff rolls down at you, and by being confident that sooner or later whatever mad b*****d is in charge will run low on s**t to toss at me, it is all doable. It also helps to have another focal point, some goal or requirement that needs to be taken care of while you’re juggling all those plates.

One day I’ll be able to talk about it, but for now, the best advise is keep it like a duck…smooth above the water and paddling like hell underneath! It’s amazing;g how much it eases things if you even just look calm and collected.

[johnnydun]

I hope everyone one on here that's struggling and possibly alone tomorrow, has a good day. Please don't be afraid to come on here if it becomes too much. We are all a big P&B family and on the most difficult day of the year for some, you won't be alone on here. P&B is 24 hours and someone will chat to you.

[southernrover]

Evening all,

 

I have an account on here so I can keep track of what I have and haven't read, not because I have anything useful or helpful to say, but given this is the time of year for goodwill to all men and all that, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone in this thread for their openness and honesty, and the subsequent kind and helpful words shared with them.

 

I've suffered with mental ill health for years now, but this year has been when I reached my breaking point, and ended up on a combination of months off work, anti-depressants and CBT sessions for a good long while. I'm better now - a new job which I love, and the meds continue to work - but there are still dark days when it is really hard not to lose your mind, when you wonder if you’ve actually made any progress at all; when it really requires me to pull together whatever inner strength and wherewithal I have just to get through the day. Having had this thread where I can drop in even just to read what people have shared and said has been such a help at times. I'm probably your stereotypical bloke who doesn't know how to approach or what to say either to express my own feelings or comfort others, so having this place where people who can say how they've been and people have given advice has been some comfort.

 

I always really struggle around Christmas - my head has been all over the place for the past couple of days and will be for a few days yet; last year I think I managed ten minutes of Christmas Dinner before I had to f**k off back upstairs for my own good. Often I feel like the back half of December is more about sustaining as opposed to actually living: I do all this because I have to, not want to.

 

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions, but one thing I am going to try and do is talk on this forum more. I'm around most days but realise the experience is a hell of a lot better if I contribute and interact, rather than doing the virtual equivalent of being sat in the pub alone, listening to other people's conversations.

 

As above, I know how trying this time of the year and tomorrow specifically can be for some. Trite though it is, please try to remember you are not alone, and that no problem, hindrance or circumstance is unresolvable. The one thing in particular I have learnt across this last year is that everyone, within themselves, is a hell of a lot stronger than they think. Please continue to talk to whoever will listen, even if it feel like shouting into an empty room, and please never, ever give up hope.

[TxRover]

8 minutes ago, southernrover said:

Evening all,

 

I have an account on here so I can keep track of what I have and haven't read, not because I have anything useful or helpful to say, but given this is the time of year for goodwill to all men and all that, I just want to say a massive thank you to everyone in this thread for their openness and honesty, and the subsequent kind and helpful words shared with them.

 

I've suffered with mental ill health for years now, but this year has been when I reached my breaking point, and ended up on a combination of months off work, anti-depressants and CBT sessions for a good long while. I'm better now - a new job which I love, and the meds continue to work - but there are still dark days when it is really hard not to lose your mind, when you wonder if you’ve actually made any progress at all; when it really requires me to pull together whatever inner strength and wherewithal I have just to get through the day. Having had this thread where I can drop in even just to read what people have shared and said has been such a help at times. I'm probably your stereotypical bloke who doesn't know how to approach or what to say either to express my own feelings or comfort others, so having this place where people who can say how they've been and people have given advice has been some comfort.

 

I always really struggle around Christmas - my head has been all over the place for the past couple of days and will be for a few days yet; last year I think I managed ten minutes of Christmas Dinner before I had to f**k off back upstairs for my own good. Often I feel like the back half of December is more about sustaining as opposed to actually living: I do all this because I have to, not want to.

 

I've never been one for New Year's Resolutions, but one thing I am going to try and do is talk on this forum more. I'm around most days but realise the experience is a hell of a lot better if I contribute and interact, rather than doing the virtual equivalent of being sat in the pub alone, listening to other people's conversations.

 

As above, I know how trying this time of the year and tomorrow specifically can be for some. Trite though it is, please try to remember you are not alone, and that no problem, hindrance or circumstance is unresolvable. The one thing in particular I have learnt across this last year is that everyone, within themselves, is a hell of a lot stronger than they think. Please continue to talk to whoever will listen, even if it feel like shouting into an empty room, and please never, ever give up hope.

You are always welcome to just let what you are thinking flow, and know there are others thinking exactly the same…and yet more others that have been there, but have now found a foothold a little higher up.The biggest thing that’s clear from your post is that you have gotten a handle on understanding both your triggers and your tolerance…and that is absolutely huge!

Stay strong, brother…there are better days ahead, and you absolutely have the strength to make it past this time of year.

[southernrover]

6 minutes ago, TxRover said:

You are always welcome to just let what you are thinking flow, and know there are others thinking exactly the same…and yet more others that have been there, but have now found a foothold a little higher up.The biggest thing that’s clear from your post is that you have gotten a handle on understanding both your triggers and your tolerance…and that is absolutely huge!

Stay strong, brother…there are better days ahead, and you absolutely have the strength to make it past this time of year.

Thank you.

As you say, I suppose I've always really had a pretty clear view of what my problems are and what I needed to address, and I count myself very lucky for that; I can't imagine what it must be like to go through this all genuinely confused by what is happening or having to ponder your symptoms and try to piece together an understanding and what have you. My problem was always never having it in me to speak up, until I felt like I literally had no other option at all to speak up I didn't. It's cliche I know, but it genuinely feels like the world has been lifted from your shoulders the first time you say out loud to whoever, be they your friends/family or preferably a medical professional that you are struggling. That is the pivot on which the rest hinges I think.

 

I'm thankfully back down the country (England in my case) for my job on the 27th, which is keeping me going as a sense of normality for these next few days. I know I'd be a lot more comfortable if I could just stay in bed and avoid the world until then but I can't. I suppose I also know deep down I'll be fine come what may - nothing this next couple of days is out there to get me or hurt me. I take strength from that I suppose.

 

[remain anon]

Hello.

I am a regular user of the site, however I have created this profile to remain annonymus because I need to vent without others who may read this knowing my identity. It's nothing overly bad I guess I just need to write it down. If you do guess who I am, please keep it to yourself.

I'm not coping very well just now, not anything suicidal, just struggling with life. Christmas has cost me more than I intended due to an error in a credit agreement. My pets are costing me a fortune, one of the dogs might be pregnant and the other one is ill. My gas meter hasn't picked up it's signal in months so my credit hasn't went down, but when it does connect, I'm thinking about £2k? I have large credit card debts and heavily into my overdraft. I cant afford another 'surprise' but I have a feeling one is just round the corner. I am dreading a large vet bill or the gas being cut off. Can't afford to take the kids to the football for a mental escape, if I did, I know I would feel 10x worse for doing it. I just feel my money errors are going to blow up in my face and I am going to really upset those around me, when I cant pay for a vet or heat my home. I am the bread winner in my house and my family rely on me for stability. I'm just really fucking struggling to keep things going.

[DA Baracus]

Alright! Debt issues are horrible and are a leading cause of mental health problems, but it's nothing to be ashamed of. It's very, very common and, as you've experienced, easier to fall in to than some folk might think.

 

Regarding your energy, your supplier won't cut you off. If there is an unexpected and unwelcome surprise you can speak to them and sort out a payment plan, so don't worry that they'll somehow disconnect you. Even if you don't pay, it takes ages for them to cut your supply, but getting on the phone to them is the thing to do to sort it out.

 

Suppliers are often c***s, but they're heavily regulated when it comes to these sort of things. Might be worth just calling them as soon as you can to dicuss. Will put your mind at ease and you won't be waiting dreading a letter. It will take a mental load off. If necessary you can set up a payment plan that works for you, so you won't be paying loads back each month. Would also be worth firing in a complaint as well, as their equipment is faulty and has caused the issue. Might reduce what potentially is owed?

 

Credit card and overdraft debts are a shitter. You may wish to consider opening up a new bank account and moving everything to that (wages, direct debits etc) and just pay off the overdraft as you can, so that your pay doesn't get swallowed up. Again, give your bank a call and they should be able to do a payment plan and freeze interest. Same with your credit card. If not, get in touch with your local Citizens Advice Bureau to discuss. If necessary they can do a debt arrangement scheme (as mentioned earlier in this thread) and also look at all options. They're good at dealing with the folk who you owe to on your behalf.

 

The pets situation is a tough one and unfortunately there's no easy answers there, although others reading your post might have a suggestion.

 

It's easy to say but hard to do, but try and look objectively at your situation. Sounds a bit like you're catastrophising things. Most folk with mental health problems have been there, where thinking things through ends up with the worse case scenario in your head (your supply getting cut off), but that's our dickhead brains messing with us (thanks brain!). There are solutions to your problems and you can come out of this.

 

[Moomintroll]

I can only echo what DA has said, I have suffered badly from catastrophising in the past which drove me to attempt suicide on more than one occasion. The hardest step will always be the first, make the call & you start to regain control of your destiny rather than dreading that  surprise, which may never come. I know nothing anout Energy suppliers but banks are very heavily regulated & will have to signpost you to the likes of StepChange & help you to manage your existing issues without penalising you further. There are many people on here much more qualified to give advice, but if you are struggling there will always be someone around to listen, never, ever suffer in silence, especially at this time of year which can bring out the most hopeless feelings in the happiest seeming of us. Good luck & I hope things start getting better for you soon.

[TxRover]

Absolutely echo what DA and Moom say. Now is the time to put the worry and concern into a little box,,slide it to,the side, and look objectively at the situation. There are those steps DA outlined to get some control back right now, which will also ease the mental strain you are feeling. It can be amazing how even clearing off just one of the issues can lighten the load you are feeling by some much more.

There are resources available for dealing with debt and similar issues, and if you share your general location, I’m sure someone will chime in with the exact group or location you can get in touch with. This season is rife with people feeling the stress and worry you are feeling, you are far from the only or worst, so know that you WILL get through this, you WILL emerge stronger, and you WILL be able to lift this fear and worry off your shoulders!

The first thing you should do now is take the first step(s) as outlined above, and know that any step down that path is lightening the load.

[Bert Raccoon]

@DA Baracus contributions to this thread and others is invaluable. Hope you realise how much you help folk so fair play 

[moses1924]

@southernroverand @remain anonas others have said always welcome to just say what you want on this thread, @remain anonthe PDSA might be worth a shout if vet bills are a struggle Get help - PDSA all the best to you both

[scotfree]

8 hours ago, StellarHibee said:

I'm not depressed, the world is depressing. I'm not going to pretend that it's an internal problem. It's very much external.

I have bipolar. I suffer from both depression and manic highs. Both brought on because of a chemical imbalance. External problems don't help but in no way is my illness only external.

[StellarHibee]

18 minutes ago, scotfree said:

I have bipolar. I suffer from both depression and manic highs. Both brought on because of a chemical imbalance. External problems don't help but in no way is my illness only external.

Chemicals in the brain respond to external stimuli. An imbalance doesn't just occur for no unexplainable reason (although the pharmaceutical companies would love you to believe that it does). There's a reason why the percentage rate of population suffering from depression continues to rise decade on decade. It's not some internal phenomenon that occurs for no reason, the world really is becoming a more depressing place to live in.

[scotfree]

27 minutes ago, StellarHibee said:

Chemicals in the brain respond to external stimuli. An imbalance doesn't just occur for no unexplainable reason (although the pharmaceutical companies would love you to believe that it does). There's a reason why the percentage rate of population suffering from depression continues to rise decade on decade. It's not some internal phenomenon that occurs for no reason, the world really is becoming a more depressing place to live in.

https://psychcentral.com/depression/endogenous-depression 

 

 

[RH33]

2 hours ago, StellarHibee said:

Chemicals in the brain respond to external stimuli. An imbalance doesn't just occur for no unexplainable reason (although the pharmaceutical companies would love you to believe that it does). There's a reason why the percentage rate of population suffering from depression continues to rise decade on decade. It's not some internal phenomenon that occurs for no reason, the world really is becoming a more depressing place to live in.

You're a fairly new poster, this thread isn't really a debate space for why depression is on the rise. While I'm not for a moment saying it isn't a worthwhile discussion, this isn't the thread. 

It's a safe space for people to post and gain support from other members of the forum. It's free from the usual gentle piss takes and banter from elsewhere on the board. 

[RossBFaeDundee]

8 hours ago, StellarHibee said:

Chemicals in the brain respond to external stimuli. An imbalance doesn't just occur for no unexplainable reason (although the pharmaceutical companies would love you to believe that it does). There's a reason why the percentage rate of population suffering from depression continues to rise decade on decade. It's not some internal phenomenon that occurs for no reason, the world really is becoming a more depressing place to live in.