Lofarl Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 My grandad told me that he saw the Titanic, and from the beginning he warned all the people that the ship would sink, but they ignored him. However, they were warned again on several occasions until eventually they kicked him out of the cinema. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
peasy23 Posted December 11, 2017 Share Posted December 11, 2017 How many opticians does it take to change a lightbulb?Is it one or two?One? Or two? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Raging! Just put my finger through the toilet paper wiping the auld arse there. Not the best start to my shift in the carehome. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 1 minute ago, 19QOS19 said: Raging! Just put my finger through the toilet paper wiping the auld arse there. Not the best start to my shift in the carehome. I work in care and this is a regular occurrence. Thankfully there are gloves that are used for personal care. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Just now, Richey Edwards said: I work in care and this is a regular occurrence. Thankfully there are gloves that are used for personal care. Don’t get the punchline tbh. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8MileBU Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 Raging! Just put my finger through the toilet paper wiping the auld arse there. Not the best start to my shift in the carehome. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 (edited) Edited December 12, 2017 by IainMorton 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The DA Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 25 minutes ago, Granny Danger said: Don’t get the punchline tbh. Give it a week or two, Granny. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 5 minutes ago, The DA said: Give it a week or two, Granny. I’ll give you a week or two. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 What has 14 windows that won't open? Spoiler Keith Chegwin's advent calendar. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 4 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said: @Bert Raccoon I doubt he wrote it. Anyway, Cheggers can't be boozers. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Del79 Posted December 12, 2017 Share Posted December 12, 2017 These are great https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?t=1017090 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Following on the announcements from Riyadh that women will be allowed to drive and cinemas will re-open, Saudi Arabia will welcome the entire Beatles back catalogue on iTunes next summer, starting with Wahhabi Road. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 -1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 44 minutes ago, Dr Koop said: Following on the announcements from Riyadh that women will be allowed to drive and cinemas will re-open, Saudi Arabia will welcome the entire Beatles back catalogue on iTunes next summer, starting with Wahhabi Road. Burka in the USSR is the next track, followed by You've got to hide your face away. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unleash The Nade Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 (edited) 58 minutes ago, Dr Koop said: Following on the announcements from Riyadh that women will be allowed to drive and cinemas will re-open, Saudi Arabia will welcome the entire Beatles back catalogue on iTunes next summer, starting with Wahhabi Road. 9 minutes ago, tamthebam said: Burka in the USSR is the next track, followed by You've got to hide your face away. Closely followed by Here Comes The Sunni and Shia Loves You Edited December 13, 2017 by Unleash The Nade 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 "Baby you can drive my car ... as long as the Committee for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice approves." 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stimpy Posted December 13, 2017 Share Posted December 13, 2017 Two guys in a pub having a pint, at the end of the night one of them gets a face on and looks down as f**k.What's up min?It's the wife, she'll be sitting up waiting for me and I'm in for a helluva doin' from her.I never have that problem.No?Nope, I go home, fire in the front door, batter up the stairs and throw the bedroom door open. Once in I kick off my shoes and launch them into the wardrobe, tear aff my clothes and chuck them on the floor. Then I dive into bed, slap her arse and say "how's about it sweetheart?"And You know what?No, what?She's aye fuckin sleepin'. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silvio Tattiescone Posted December 17, 2017 Share Posted December 17, 2017 The motto of the French navy is "To the water! It is time" or "a l'eau c'est l'heure" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.