Eednud Posted April 21, 2020 Share Posted April 21, 2020 How do you make a hankie dance? Put a little boogie in it. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” asks the bartender. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.” Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers please!” V 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Granny Danger Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 12 minutes ago, jagfox99 said: A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” asks the bartender. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.” Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers please!” V All the bars in Rome are closed mate. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 2 hours ago, jagfox99 said: A Roman walks into a bar and asks for a martinus. “You mean a martini?” asks the bartender. The Roman replies, “If I wanted a double, I would have asked for it.” Another Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers, and says “Five beers please!” V 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DiegoDiego Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 All the bars in Rome are closed mate.Some are open to sell cigarettes. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cardinal Richelieu Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted April 22, 2020 Share Posted April 22, 2020 11 hours ago, Granny Danger said: All the bars in Rome are closed mate. He'll get a drink, like Biggus Dickus he wanks highwy in Wome 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jagfox Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted April 23, 2020 Share Posted April 23, 2020 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted April 25, 2020 Share Posted April 25, 2020 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted April 28, 2020 Share Posted April 28, 2020 The lockdown is affecting wee Winnie. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted May 1, 2020 Share Posted May 1, 2020 Why shouldn’t you wear Ukrainian underpants? Because Chernobyl fall out. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bishop Briggs Posted May 2, 2020 Share Posted May 2, 2020 Weatherspoons reveals its re-opening plans. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr Koop Posted May 3, 2020 Share Posted May 3, 2020 Boris Johnson's latest spawnling was named after Wilfred from the Bash Street Kids in The Beano. Curiously. Johnson resembles Smiffy. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 Englishman: "That your dog?" Welshman: "Aye" Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?' Welshman: "Dog don't talk.” Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?" Dog: "Doing all right." Welshman: (look of shock) Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman) Dog: "Yep." Englishman: How's he treating you?" Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play." Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?" Welshman: "Horse don't talk.” Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?" Horse: "Cool." Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!) Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman) Horse: "Yep." Englishman: "How's he treating you?" Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather." Welshman: (Look of total amazement!) Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?" Welshman: "That sheep's a fucking liar!!” 12 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsimButtHitsASix Posted May 6, 2020 Share Posted May 6, 2020 A Scotsman, Englishman, Irishman, Welshman, Eritrean, Russian, Tajik, Yemeni, Uzbek, Italian, Pakistani, Mongol, Nigerian, Bangladeshi, Vietnamese, Chinese, Zambian, Australian, Singaporean, Frenchman, German, Hungarian, Japanese, Kosovan and Laotian all go out for a drink. "Can't let you in tonight lads?" "Why not?" "You don't have a Thai" 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 11, 2020 Share Posted May 11, 2020 From the current Private Eye: 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 12, 2020 Share Posted May 12, 2020 Inspired by Speroni's recent query about installing an electric cooker: Guy making his first parachute jump finds it doesn't open. As he's plummeting towards the ground he can't believe his eyes because he sees what looks like another guy flying upwards towards him. As they pass each other in mid-air he shouts, "D'you know anything about parachutes?" "No," replies the other guy. "D'you know anything about gas cookers?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted May 13, 2020 Share Posted May 13, 2020 .. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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