Derry Alli Posted July 2, 2023 Share Posted July 2, 2023 @Shandon Par. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 I watched a street performer contort his whole body into a small suitcase and asked him if he could teach me how to do it. He's going to try to squeeze me in next Saturday. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 Went to a haunted house for a blind date, got ghosted... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted July 3, 2023 Share Posted July 3, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post tamthebam Posted July 4, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted July 4, 2023 A man wakes up one morning and sees a gorilla on the roof of his van So he Googles "Gorilla removers" and finds a phone number which he rings. 30 minutes later a guy turns up with a baseball bat, a big dog, a net, a cage and a shotgun The man says "So how do you deal with gorillas?" The guy says "I get up on the roof of your van and knock the gorilla off with the bat. My dog is trained to grab the gorilla's testicles which subdues him, I put the net over and get him in the cage" The man says "I see. But what's the shotgun for?" The guy says "I give you the shotgun. If the gorilla knocks me off the roof first shoot the bloody dog ." 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 Just landed a weekend job testing Hover boards. Money is shit but at least it keeps me off the streets. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 I own two shirts and some neckwear that used to belong to a guy who was in 'The Mamas & The Papas' All the sleeves are brown, and the tie is grey. 17 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 An alien crashes his spaceship just outside Paisley and staggers into the nearest bar. He wanders up to the barman and says ‘Gie’s a pint, eh, you wouldn’t believe the day I’ve had’. Barman says ‘beat it pal, we don’t serve wee green men in here, you’re scaring the shite out of my regulars’. Alien says ‘look, if you give me a pint, I’ll buy the place drinks all night, what do you say?’ Barman looks at the packed pub and pound signs start flashing in his eyes….The drinks are on the alien! Steam in people’…. Place goes nuts, come closing time, everyone gets poured out onto the street. Barman tallies up, turns to the alien…. ‘Right pal, that’ll be one thousand, three hundred and ten quid’… Alien says ‘No bother, got change of a Zonk?’ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted July 5, 2023 Share Posted July 5, 2023 I read that a banana a day helps clean out your colon. So I tried it I've only recently found out you're actually meant to eat them ... 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
philpy Posted July 15, 2023 Share Posted July 15, 2023 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted July 15, 2023 Share Posted July 15, 2023 On 03/07/2023 at 10:01, scottsdad said: I watched a street performer contort his whole body into a small suitcase and asked him if he could teach me how to do it. He's going to try to squeeze me in next Saturday. I tried this once and I was so excited. I could hardly contain myself. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted July 15, 2023 Share Posted July 15, 2023 18 minutes ago, velo army said: I tried this once and I was so excited. I could hardly contain myself. I struggled on my attempt, but my mate carried it off easily 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted July 15, 2023 Share Posted July 15, 2023 I'm sick of all these teenagers wearing band t-shirts when they have never even heard of the band. There's no way the guy who just passed me can name a single song by Harley Davidson 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted July 17, 2023 Share Posted July 17, 2023 A tribute of sorts to the late Jane Birkin.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted July 18, 2023 Share Posted July 18, 2023 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 This sentence contains exactly threee erors. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Duszek Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pocketman Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustOneCornetto Posted July 22, 2023 Share Posted July 22, 2023 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.