Infuriating Things Your Partner Does

[Florentine_Pogen]

13 minutes ago, philpy said:

Doesn't understand the concept of how to use a plate. Will often make toast for breakfast and leave the plate sitting on the sofa while eating, ensuing there are crumbs all over the carpet.

Don't sweat the small stuff. I have a wife who can't use two pieces of cutlery simultaneously.

Life's too short.

[Hedgecutter]

9 minutes ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

I have a wife who can't use two pieces of cutlery simultaneously.

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

[Jacksgranda]

1 minute ago, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

As in "I have no forkand knife"?

[Florentine_Pogen]

1 minute ago, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

Never realised there was a 'correct' way.........always thought they were interchangeable.

[Drewmc]

8 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

In some parts of England it is pronounced ‘cut el ry’ . I suppose if you split it to ‘cutle ry’, it makes some sort of sense. 

[Busta Nut]

She is workin today. The wean and I are cheerily watching Mr Tumble or some shite.


Her: I've just had an email.
Me: ok?
Her: A woman I worked with has died. I never knew her but they have sent an email round.
Me: That's a shame.
Her: She was off for ages and had cancer but that's her dead now, such a shame.
Me: yeah...


news on folk none of us know now.

[hk blues]

11 hours ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

Never realised there was a 'correct' way.........always thought they were interchangeable.

Apparently it goes back to the time when folk didn't use forks, only a knife to cut the food and then their hands to eat it.

Edit - Where I am now they still don't use forks usually - knife and spoon are the norm for cutlery.

Edited January 8, 2022 by hk blues

[Mark Connolly]

1 hour ago, hk blues said:

Apparently it goes back to the time when folk didn't use forks, only a knife to cut the food and then their hands to eat it.

Edit - Where I am now they still don't use forks usually - knife and spoon are the norm for cutlery.

[Raidernation]

You should watch ‘murcan’s use cutlery (or silverware as they call it, even when it’s plastic)
I constantly get compliments on how I can use a knife and fork in “combination” nut just hack my food to bits then shovel it in with a fork only.

[Florentine_Pogen]

20 hours ago, Florentine_Pogen said:

 I have a wife who can't use two pieces of cutlery simultaneously.

 

27 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

You should watch ‘murcan’s use cutlery
 

I do. Daily.

[BFTD]

30 minutes ago, Raidernation said:

You should watch ‘murcan’s use cutlery (or silverware as they call it, even when it’s plastic)
I constantly get compliments on how I can use a knife and fork in “combination” nut just hack my food to bits then shovel it in with a fork only.

Glad I never noticed that. Too busy cramming food down my own gullet to watch other people.

However, my mother-in-law used to have me wind spaghetti onto my fork for everyone to watch at family dinners. I self-consciously stopped ordering spaghetti, as I figured I was doing something intensely rube-like that they all found amusing but, looking back, I think they genuinely thought I was some kind of pasta wizard.

[welshbairn]

20 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

Maybe you misheard her asking you to pass a fuckin knife.

[Loonytoons]

Probably one of the most exact deadlines one can have is catching a plane. As a result, I have been accused of getting to the airport too early to the point where it was becoming a family joke. Trying to rid myself of said stereotype, I have been more chilled about it all in recent years. Therefore, after Christmas when we were due at Edinburgh Airport the suggestion was to get to the airport building about 90 to 120 minutes before the flight. Mrs B stated she wanted to have a look at the daft wee trinket shops in the departure lounge and I wanted a skeck at the whisky. Why then did she decide halfway just after leaving Glasgow on the M8 that she needed a coffee? We had a hire car to refuel, return and get the shuttle to the terminal building even before the complete unknowns, time wise of bag drop and security but the time was apparently better spent going off the motorway looking for Dobbies which is never without a queue of octogenarians deciding which cake they want.
"I can feel you're not happy about this". Well done, you!

Getting a flight from Glasgow to Luton.

I asked my better half what time we had to be at the airport.
7.00 was the reply.
Good stuff, thought I. 90 minute drive and also miss the traffic.
Left the following morning at 5:15 just for a bit of leeway then asked when the flight was.
7.00 was the reply.
She and the kids got dropped off just in time, I had a shitty drive all the way to Southern Englandshire.

[Jacksgranda]

5 minutes ago, Loonytoons said:

Getting a flight from Glasgow to Luton.

I asked my better half what time we had to be at the airport.
7.00 was the reply.
Good stuff, thought I. 90 minute drive and also miss the traffic.
Left the following morning at 5:15 just for a bit of leeway then asked when the flight was.
7.00 was the reply.
She and the kids got dropped off just in time, I had a shitty drive all the way to Southern Englandshire.

Schoolboy error, imvho.

[Hedgecutter]

27 minutes ago, welshbairn said:

Maybe you misheard her asking you to pass a fuckin knife.

She just said "pans and pots", so she's obviously a word-ordering psychopath.

[Loonytoons]

Schoolboy error, imvho.

Absolutely.

[kingjoey]

23 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

Said “fork and knife” my whole life, and that’s a fair while.

[RH33]

25 minutes ago, kingjoey said:

Said “fork and knife” my whole life, and that’s a fair while.

Alphabetical order, fork, knife spoon. It's easy.

[JamesP_81]

3 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

She just said "pans and pots", so she's obviously a word-ordering psychopath.

Does she ask you to pass the pepper and salt at dinner or sweep up with the brush and dustpan ? I'm sure this kind of thing is a mental disorder on the same spectrum as when people put the emphasis on the wrong syllable or word in a phrase.  

[alta-pete]

On 07/01/2022 at 21:37, Hedgecutter said:

My other half can't even say cutlery-related words correctly.  She refers to it as a "fork and knife" (as opposed to "knife and fork").

Round these parts the ‘fork n knife’ is widely recognised as rhyming slang for the good lady. Nowhere else in PnB land?