Financial arrangements in relationships.

[throbber]

Not sold by the idea of a joint account at all, we just split bills according to how much we both make, my direct debits all come out on the 1 st and I’ll always know what my budget is til my next pay. If we set up joint account it would just be a needless transfer to a separate account.

Don’t think it’s particularly healthy to not have your own money to buy what you want without the other person knowing either. I’m going to spend £100+ on tulips after my next pay. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

7 minutes ago, throbber said:

Not sold by the idea of a joint account at all, we just split bills according to how much we both make, my direct debits all come out on the 1 st and I’ll always know what my budget is til my next pay. If we set up joint account it would just be a needless transfer to a separate account.

Don’t think it’s particularly healthy to not have your own money to buy what you want without the other person knowing either. I’m going to spend £100+ on tulips after my next pay. 

You’ve gone full Beechgrove Garden.

[throbber]

1 minute ago, Melanius Mullarkay said:

You’ve gone full Beechgrove Garden.

Go hard or go home. 

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Just now, throbber said:

Go hard or go home. 

Been there done that.

Not for a while mind you.

[hk blues]

18 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

There’s a huge difference between her not working and not having a paid job.  And, no, it’s not ‘Birthday Caird Pish’ IMO.

I'm not sure why you saw the need to make this post given the content and context of the rest of my post.  

[The Moonster]

7 hours ago, Sugar_Army said:

She is an accountant. 

We have various joint savings accounts including a Bills account and a Holiday account which are topped up monthly by dd from our own individual personal accounts.  Anything left over in our personal accounts is ours to do with as we please.

We put most larger purchases on a joint credit card and, go through it and allocate if it is hers, mine or house purchases, and pay it off every month.  

Well I say she is an accountant. She found an account about 3yrs ago that had 6 grand in it that she forgot about.  I had no idea it existed until she told me.  The downside of multiple accounts and constantly moving money around.

We were recently going through accounts and had to speak to the bank.  They were adamant that we had deposited £13,000 by cheque into an account a couple of years back and neither of us could figure out where it had come from.

And no, we are not Columbian drug dealers laundering money!

The most disgusting "look how rich we are" humble brag I've ever seen. 

[hk blues]

2 hours ago, throbber said:

Not sold by the idea of a joint account at all, we just split bills according to how much we both make, my direct debits all come out on the 1 st and I’ll always know what my budget is til my next pay. If we set up joint account it would just be a needless transfer to a separate account.

Don’t think it’s particularly healthy to not have your own money to buy what you want without the other person knowing either. I’m going to spend £100+ on tulips after my next pay. 

Some may say that it's not particularly healthy to have to hide your spending from your partner either.  

 

[Granny Danger]

31 minutes ago, The Moonster said:

The most disgusting "look how rich we are" humble brag I've ever seen. 

Yeah, I showed that post to my butler and he said the same.

[Richey Edwards]

Leave the corn beef alone 

[scottsdad]

I'm having flashbacks of Oaksoft saying that women were prostitutes for getting gifts on Valentine's day. Payment for sex is how he saw it. 

Wonder if he had a joint account

[Hedgecutter]

We occasionally go on holidays without one another, so it's good to have individual accounts for those.  

Part of that's because I'm unusual in that I can't plan in advance due to the ad hoc nature of my work, so she books trips for something to look forward to (and I can join at short notice if free).  Quite refreshing (and dare I say it, healthy?) to have a couple of weeks apart, not that we actually need it.

[strichener]

12 hours ago, Shadow Play said:

I appreciate you don’t need permission in terms of banking procedures and the trust most of us will have with their partner but to ensure you both know roughly how much is left to spend in the account I assume you have to let your partner know if you’ve made any reasonable sized withdrawals from the joint account?  Otherwise would they not be  left wondering if the account has had an unauthorised withdrawal / transaction?  Also, could your partner not potentially be placed in the situation where they try to use the debit card to make their own reasonably expensive purchase only to have the transaction refused due to lack of funds?

Sorry, I don’t think you’ve explained (it may very well just be me not understanding you) how you can buy a surprise expensive gift weeks or months before you give the gift without your partner knowing in advance.  If you only have a joint cheque account and joint savings account wouldn’t they notice?

 

I get what you are saying but not everyone needs to worry about the balance in the joint account in our house, all my income goes into the joint account which is more than sufficient to live on.  Her income goes into savings accounts, premium bonds etc. As does spare money in the joint account periodically.  I still cannot see how it is any different when spending than if you are running individual accounts.  If the money isn't available to spend then it doesn't matter if you have 1, 2 or 10 accounts.

In terms of keeping spend secret, I don't see the point.  So what if your partner knows that you have taken a few hundred quid out of the account to buy her a present?  It isn't like she will never know the cost of it.  If she is that interested then she can just look it up once she receives it.  I just don't get the secrecy element at all.

[Shadow Play]

2 minutes ago, strichener said:

I get what you are saying but not everyone needs to worry about the balance in the joint account in our house, all my income goes into the joint account which is more than sufficient to live on.  Her income goes into savings accounts, premium bonds etc. As does spare money in the joint account periodically.  I still cannot see how it is any different when spending than if you are running individual accounts.  If the money isn't available to spend then it doesn't matter if you have 1, 2 or 10 accounts.

In terms of keeping spend secret, I don't see the point.  So what if your partner knows that you have taken a few hundred quid out of the account to buy her a present?  It isn't like she will never know the cost of it.  If she is that interested then she can just look it up once she receives it.  I just don't get the secrecy element at all.

Who said romance was dead?

 

[scottsdad]

1 hour ago, Hedgecutter said:

We occasionally go on holidays without one another, so it's good to have individual accounts for those.  

Part of that's because I'm unusual in that I can't plan in advance due to the ad hoc nature of my work, so she books trips for something to look forward to (and I can join at short notice if free).  Quite refreshing (and dare I say it, healthy?) to have a couple of weeks apart, not that we actually need it.

That's how I see it. We're a lot closer as a couple nowadays with separate holidays than we were before, with each other every day.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Just now, Shadow Play said:

Who said romance was dead?

 

Me.

Constantly.

[strichener]

21 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

Who said romance was dead?

 

The person that needs to keep their finances separate so their partner can't see what they are spending.

[Suspect Device]

On 08/10/2023 at 21:27, Jacksgranda said:

Could she not drive either?

You are going to hell. 

 

And so am I for laughing. 

[GHF-23]

21 hours ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

 

 

Yeah this is the best way IMO. Bills, meals out, joint purchases etc all come from the joint account that’s split based on incomes, then what’s left is each person’s to spend on whatever they want. 

Agreed on monthly stuff. Also have a joint savings for holidays (and where bills, meals out etc gets pulled from) and another for things like a house deposit and then in case the house needs a new boiler or the car packs in and needs replaced. I know some people just have all joint savings accounts but I think as long as you're both sure the other has at least enough to hold up their end for a few months if they get emptied out their work it doesn't really matter. Longer term stuff we do individually but again just chat about it every once in a while. 

13 hours ago, Ziggy Sobotka said:

 

Reading through the thread, it seems it doesn't really matter if you have joint or separate accounts, it's about the people running those accounts.

Also this, could see why different arrangements work best for others depending on what they prefer. Doing everything individually and having to do the maths on who sends who what seems messy to me, but could see how that's preferable to some folk. 

[Shadow Play]

1 hour ago, strichener said:

The person that needs to keep their finances separate so their partner can't see what they are spending.

If you were to secretly book 5 nights in New York (having discreetly checked with your partner’s employers that your partner could get the time off) how do you keep that secret from your wife with only joint accounts?

 

[GordonS]

31 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

If you were to secretly book 5 nights in New York (having discreetly checked with your partner’s employers that your partner could get the time off) how do you keep that secret from your wife with only joint accounts?

 

I really wouldn't want my wife to do something like that for me and she wouldn't want me to do that for her. We don't find things like that romantic, we want more choice than that. We'd find it a bit controlling, not to be involved in the decision. What if she books me a trip and I'd rather go somewhere else? Or it clashes with a football game? We always talk about trips before booking. Our romance has no connection to buying expensive stuff at all - if I bought her expensive jewellery she'd probably rather have spent that money on something else, likely garden stuff, but if I buy her a box of Guylian or a bunch of flowers she's delighted.

Point to all of this is, each to their own. Everybody is different and every relationship is different. Do whatever works for you all.

I've found this thread fascinating, it lured me out of lurking. These are the fundamentals of how we structure our lives but folk rarely talk about it and it's really interesting to see all the different ways couples and families manage their money. I think there are no right answers but a few wrong ones, and people should talk about this stuff more, especially with their kids.