Financial arrangements in relationships.

[RH33]

When I got divorced I basically moved out, told him he could have the house. Took the debt and moved on. Put my foot down and insisted on remortgage removing my name in run up to his next wedding. 

We never had any savings and at that point in time the house had minimal equity and I wasn't interested in shafting him for ten years of his pension. My lawyer thought I was too nice.

The benefits system (which isn't perfect) and woman having more financial independence means more woman can get out of abusive/controling/unhappy relationships than a generation ago. 

 

[hk blues]

1st time around we had just one bank account between us and whatever we earned and spent went in and out of that - never was a problem. Same when we moved abroad we opened only a joint account and managed finances as before.  My 2nd time around I have 3 individual accounts and the wife has 1 as well as 1 joint account - not really by choice but due to complications where I am It was necessary.  The wife doesn't work so contributes nothing to the finances but everything to the smooth running of the family (Birthday Caird Pish I know) so I'm all good with it and I'm sure she is. 

[54_and_counting]

1 hour ago, Aufc said:

Stick it on a credit card, earn some points and then pay it off

Aye this for me (minus the 47 years as I’m not an old codger). I find it weird when people are married and have seperate accounts. What do you do when going out for dinner?

I always pay when we are out, never bothered me as i know how well she looks after me with housework etc, 

[Alert Mongoose]

Been with the wife for 24 years (16 years married) and always been separate accounts.  Bills have been arbitrarily split up depending on our incomes which have fluctuated over the years and never really been an issue.

For the last few years I've paid the mortgage, all the running costs of the car and all the food shopping and she picks up everything else. I'll generally pick up the costs of any one-offs.

Probably works out fair enough when compared to earnings.

She did take offence a few years back when I discovered that council tax wasn't paid in February/March and I requested a rebate from her for those months.

[Craig fae the Vale]

We have separate accounts and I pay some of the bills where she pays the rest. It works out about 50/50 and we have whatever is left in our own accounts to do what we please. It works for us, and don't see any reason to change the way we work it.

[Granny Danger]

1 hour ago, Thistle_do_nicely said:

I know someone who's family saved up, jointly, over £2k to give to her on her 16th birthday, which was transferred over to her mum to pass on to her.

Her mum then proceeded to give that £2k to her own boyfriend at the time, who promptly bought a car with the cash and then dumped her a few weeks later.

 

That’s theft. The mum should be reported to the police (following the mandatory boot to the pie).

[throbber]

4 hours ago, Jambomo said:

I always had my own account and we just split paying bills etc.

The issue in the relationships Throbber is talking about, isn’t the bank account but that the husbands are arseholes who don’t contribute to running their own lives. Sadly the kind of guys who will happily go on lads holidays instead of making sure their family are fed and have a roof over their head, aren’t going to give a f**k when their wives try to talk to them. That poor lassie needs a divorce.

My mother in laws step daughter is certainly with an arsehole who is taking the piss but I don’t know them well enough to know what is actually going on.

Her sisters partner isn’t an arsehole but it is weird the way they run their finances. He had the money going into the relationship and put down deposit for house etc and I think he’s paranoid his mrs will try and fleece him for it. He works as a mortgage advisor and says every day of his working life he speaks to people who have been shafted by their other halves one way or another.

[scottsdad]

1 minute ago, throbber said:

My mother in laws step daughter is certainly with an arsehole who is taking the piss but I don’t know them well enough to know what is actually going on.

Her sisters partner isn’t an arsehole but it is weird the way they run their finances. He had the money going into the relationship and put down deposit for house etc and I think he’s paranoid his mrs will try and fleece him for it. He works as a mortgage advisor and says every day of his working life he speaks to people who have been shafted by their other halves one way or another.

Too easy, Throbber.

[Hedgecutter]

10 minutes ago, throbber said:

He had the money going into the relationship and put down deposit for house etc and I think he’s paranoid his mrs will try and fleece him for it. He works as a mortgage advisor and says every day of his working life he speaks to people who have been shafted by their other halves one way or another.

I took account of me paying the entirety of the house deposit and my OH and I agreed that I then paid less into the joint account for a few years until it evened out.

[Granny Danger]

2 hours ago, hk blues said:

1st time around we had just one bank account between us and whatever we earned and spent went in and out of that - never was a problem. Same when we moved abroad we opened only a joint account and managed finances as before.  My 2nd time around I have 3 individual accounts and the wife has 1 as well as 1 joint account - not really by choice but due to complications where I am It was necessary.  The wife doesn't work so contributes nothing to the finances but everything to the smooth running of the family (Birthday Caird Pish I know) so I'm all good with it and I'm sure she is. 

There’s a huge difference between her not working and not having a paid job.  And, no, it’s not ‘Birthday Caird Pish’ IMO.

[Savage Henry]

Joint account for mortgage and emergency funds/holidays/upcoming wedding, and shared high interest savings account which we top up as and when.  Personal accounts for other bills of which are split roughly 50/50.  Whomever set up the payment pays, and the other sends 50%.   It sounds convoluted but it works fine enough. 

[throbber]

8 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

I took account of me paying the entirety of the house deposit and my OH and I agreed that I then paid less into the joint account for a few years until it evened out.

I paid the entire deposit for house (not a small amount btw) and have done the majority of the work for the last 6 years whilst she does more with the kids through the week as the son isn’t even in school yet. I’d say by time kids are involved there shouldn’t be any nitpicking as to who contributed what financially.

[Hedgecutter]

23 minutes ago, throbber said:

I paid the entire deposit for house (not a small amount btw) and have done the majority of the work for the last 6 years whilst she does more with the kids through the week as the son isn’t even in school yet. I’d say by time kids are involved there shouldn’t be any nitpicking as to who contributed what financially.

Just think what the bill would be if she invoiced the household for childcare fees.

[throbber]

3 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Just think what the bill would be if she invoiced the household for childcare fees.

Exactly. We only have two more months of paying childcare as son is about to turn 3 which is nice.

[mozam76]

10 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Awkward to say, but having separate funds we've earned ourselves also makes things easier for the future should we split up at any point (we're not married, like most of her closest friends who strangely enough are all in successful long term relationships). 

It's awkward to say this, but funds accumulated (or debt for that matter) during a marriage is joint, regardless of whether it goes into a bank account marked Mr & Mrs or whether it's hidden in notes under a mattress. 

Edited October 9, 2023 by mozam76
Guff advice - Sorry Hedgecutter

[Thistle_do_nicely]

2 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

That’s theft. The mum should be reported to the police (following the mandatory boot to the pie).

years and years ago tbh, some wild horror stories - same mum that gave away the £2k would allegedly claim that her (young adult) daughter was skint and needing a tap and go to folk with the begging bowl out... except her daughter wasn't skint and had no knowledge of any of this, she'd only find out and end up fairly bemused when folk asked her if she was still struggling for money

desperation can make folk do some really awful things.

[aDONisSheep]

Given my home life as a youth, I vowed that if I ever got married I'd never argue about money (everything would be shared).

Been married for 26 years and barely a cross word said (about money that is, everything else is open warfare and resentment) 

Joint finances all the way!

In the early days of our relationship/marriage, my wife earned more than me (so effectively subsidised me).

Now I earn more than her, so now I subsidise her.

We're lucky in that, between us, we don't really need to think about money, and neither of us are reckless or extravagent with it.

I've also never understood this obsession for 'stuff' e.g. cars, the latest phones/gadgets.  My happiest times are still, kicking a football, chucking stuff (especially rugby balls and frisbees) and other activites/experiences. 

If I manage to remain married to the missus for the rest of my days, and my kids become functioning members of society, I'll die a happy man!

Yours, 

aDONis Jon-Boy Walton*

*reference for the aalder radges on this site 

['WellDel]

Been together 28 years, joint account the whole time and never had any issues. I'm a man of simple means and as long as all debts are serviced and I am suitably furnished with alcohol as and when I fancy, then money doesn't bother me much over and above that.

DD's set up at start of the month for all bills and also money transferred into savings account. After that, once shopping, fuel etc is accounted for the rest is disposable. None of us rip the pish, and just take out what we need for nights out or whatever. If either of us is considering something that would be a biggish outlay then we'd speak to the other first. She's free to buy her candles and beauty products, and if I decide on a whim I'd like a nice new Lonsdale t-shirt from Mike Ashley's fashionable superstore, then I'll damn well just have it.

[Hedgecutter]

1 hour ago, mozam76 said:

It's awkward to say this, but funds accumulated (or debt for that matter) during a cohabiting relationship (married or not) is joint, regardless of whether it goes into a bank account marked Mr & Mrs or whether it's hidden in notes under a mattress. 

Not true (in Scotland).  There are however certain circumstances (in Scotland) whereby a cohabitee can make a claim against their other half if they've been economically disadvantaged, e.g. one resident (in Scotland) putting their career on hold to look after kids (presumably in Scotland) whilst the other half has been coining it in (not necessarily in Scotland).

FWIW, we have wills written up (under Scottish Law) that give us the same outcome as if we were married, rather than our funds being automatically passed on to blood-relatives rather than each other should either of us snuff it (which would have been the case otherwise, under Scottish Law).

Edited October 9, 2023 by Hedgecutter
for TxRover. Happy?

[TxRover]

5 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

Not true.  There are however certain circumstances whereby a cohabitee can make a claim against their other half if they've been economically disadvantaged, e.g. one putting career on hold to look after kids whilst the other half has been coining it in.

Eta: FWIW, we have wills written up that give us the same outcome as if we were married, rather than our funds being passed on to our blood-relatives rather than each other (which would have been the case otherwise).

Might wanna * that one with “in Scotland” or “in the UK”, as there are some interesting takes on property division and ownership round the P&B world.