Financial arrangements in relationships.

[Hedgecutter]

One joint account for mortgage, fuel, broadband, cooncil tax etc.  We both pay in the same % of our income into this from our own separate current accounts.  

Whatever is spare in our personal accounts after that is ours to play with as we please*.  Separate savings accounts as well.

If she lost her job or whatever, I wouldn't let her go without basics such as a car if I had surplus though, although words may be had if I was lending money only for her to be spending it on handbags and candles.  That said, if she lost her job, then I wonder if my contribution would drop to 0% under the proportion match agreement?

*she's never specifically said "no hookers"

Edited October 8, 2023 by Hedgecutter

[alta-pete]

3 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said:

 

*she's never specifically said "no hookers"

But, importantly, no ching? 

[Granny Danger]

We’ve been married 47 years and have never thought in terms of her money or my money.

We have separate bank accounts but that’s pretty superficial.

[die hard doonhamer]

Everything gets paid in and out of joint accounts. We do have our own separate accounts that things like birthday money go in to, but 99% goes through the joint account. My wage is about 4 times that of hers, so I’d struggle to see how it would work fairly doing it any other way. 

[Hedgecutter]

2 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

Could she not drive either?

[MONKMAN]

We have a joint account that we both pay in to that covers mortgage, bills and monthly expenses such as shopping etc. We split this proportionately so as I earn more, we split this 60:40 with me paying the greater share and whatever we have left over is our own spends.  We're very fortunate that we both earn very good salaries, so money has never really been an issue or a cause for concern in our relationship and whatever is left over each month belongs to that person. Considering my wife likes to spend a monumental amount of money on utter shite each month, I'm more than happy with the current situation.  Ironically, as I tend to cover more than my share for holidays, meals, days out etc she probably has more of a disposable income than me despite earning less.  

[RH33]

6 hours ago, Ned Nederlander said:

We got a joint account when we got a mortgage - it seems bizarre to me that there are married couples who don't!

I know of a couple where the fella hadn't changed what he put into the 'spending' account in years and his partner ran up a humongous credit card bill just trying to run the house cause she was shit scared to ask him to up his contribution! He cleared the bill with spare cash he had sploshing around in his own account ... and now she fucking owes him it!! Absolutely fucking mental!!

Controling behaviour on his part. I'd also question the relationships mentioned in Throbbers post. Obviously we don't know anyone but they aren't healthy relationships.

When I was married we had a joint account that everything went in and out of. I'm not a spender on candles and handbags or shoes so that helped!

[jimbaxters]

Joint bank account = joint life. Anything else isn't really a marriage is it?

[kingjoey]

Married for 38 years and only ever had joint accounts. Makes things so much easier.

[PWL]

Only piece of advice my parents gave me before getting married was keep your finances separate. So far, after over 20 years, it's worked well. 

I cover the household bills and she covers kids etc. 

I earn more and payout more but we never have arguements over cash......just every thing else. 

[Bairnardo]

29 minutes ago, PWL said:

Only piece of advice my parents gave me before getting married was keep your finances separate. So far, after over 20 years, it's worked well. 

I cover the household bills and she covers kids etc. 

I earn more and payout more but we never have arguements over cash......just every thing else. 

Think you've pretty much covered the way we do it. Over the years she's always pretty much said she doesn't want a joint account for reason I'm not sure of. But basically I pay all of the bills cos I earn more than she does. She spends money on the kids and occasionally me, but mostly on utter shite. 

If ever she has ran out of coin and has a night out or something tho, it would simply be a matter of me firing money into her bank. The examples on here given where one has money and one doesn't, and therefore the one who doesn't would have to cancel plans etc is absolutely wild. 

As RH33 says, proper controlling behaviour. 

Separate accounts but no dubiety whatsoever that what's mine is hers and vice versa. 

[54_and_counting]

10 hours ago, Jacksgranda said:

Could she not drive either?

[Jambomo]

I always had my own account and we just split paying bills etc.

The issue in the relationships Throbber is talking about, isn’t the bank account but that the husbands are arseholes who don’t contribute to running their own lives. Sadly the kind of guys who will happily go on lads holidays instead of making sure their family are fed and have a roof over their head, aren’t going to give a f**k when their wives try to talk to them. That poor lassie needs a divorce.

[Hedgecutter]

Awkward to say, but having separate funds we've earned ourselves also makes things easier for the future should we split up at any point (we're not married, like most of her closest friends who strangely enough are all in successful long term relationships). 

I've absolutely no intention of doing that after 17 happy years together (cohabiting for 13), but as a child of divorce seeing multiple friend couples divorce in recent years, it's difficult for me not to say "never say never".

[Bert Raccoon]

When I lived with my ex we had a joint account purely for bills and then our own accounts for everything else. As long as the bills were covered the rest of the money was ours to do what we like with.

Only problem was when we split I agreed to move out. Unfortunately the telephone/broadband account was purely in my name and she decided to just stop paying. Wasn't aware of this until I got a phone call from the bayliffs advising if I didn't pay the arrears they'd be coming to my door. Needless to say we don't talk anymore 

[The Moonster]

My girlfriend pays for everything and I make the tea. No joint accounts because I earn f**k all. If I need money for anything I ask for it. Worked out well so far.

[Aufc]

11 hours ago, Shadow Play said:

I’ve never quite understood how a couple can use only one joint cheque account and one joint savings account.  What if you want to buy your partner a Christmas / birthday gift?  Would it not spoil the surprise when they see a Cartier or Rolex boutique debit on your joint internet banking statement? 

 

 

Stick it on a credit card, earn some points and then pay it off

9 hours ago, Granny Danger said:

We’ve been married 47 years and have never thought in terms of her money or my money.

We have separate bank accounts but that’s pretty superficial.

Aye this for me (minus the 47 years as I’m not an old codger). I find it weird when people are married and have seperate accounts. What do you do when going out for dinner?

[Hedgecutter]

19 minutes ago, Aufc said:

Stick it on a credit card, earn some points and then pay it off

Aye this for me (minus the 47 years as I’m not an old codger). I find it weird when people are married and have seperate accounts. What do you do when going out for dinner?

"Joint it"

i.e. stick it on the credit card linked to the joint current account as if it was a food shopping bill, but use your personal one if out for dinner with your own mates.  

I struggle to see any difficulty with this, but plenty of potential tension with the 'all in together' option.

Edited October 9, 2023 by Hedgecutter

[welshbairn]

12 hours ago, Shadow Play said:

I’ve never quite understood how a couple can use only one joint cheque account and one joint savings account.  What if you want to buy your partner a Christmas / birthday gift?  Would it not spoil the surprise when they see a Cartier or Rolex boutique debit on your joint internet banking statement? 

 

 

A Casio might be more awkward.

Edited October 9, 2023 by welshbairn

[Thistle_do_nicely]

I know someone who's family saved up, jointly, over £2k to give to her on her 16th birthday, which was transferred over to her mum to pass on to her.

Her mum then proceeded to give that £2k to her own boyfriend at the time, who promptly bought a car with the cash and then dumped her a few weeks later.

 

Edited October 9, 2023 by Thistle_do_nicely