Financial arrangements in relationships.

[throbber]

3 hours ago, hk blues said:

That's fair.

But, you did say you were going to spend £100+ on the tulips - hope you've got your ducks in a row to explain that to your good lady.

That’s the preliminary order just now - I know I’ve bought some daffodils as well but you can’t really have a spring collection without a couple of daffodils.

I’m also going to buy a pitch fork and some compost and manure.

[hk blues]

2 minutes ago, throbber said:

That’s the preliminary order just now - I know I’ve bought some daffodils as well but you can’t really have a spring collection without a couple of daffodils.

I’m also going to buy a pitch fork and some compost and manure.

Just over the hundred noted watershed - she'll probably not notice but maybe hold off the pitchfork and manure for a day or two just in case.

Happy Planting!

[throbber]

1 minute ago, hk blues said:

Just over the hundred noted watershed - she'll probably not notice but maybe hold off the pitchfork and manure for a day or two just in case.

Happy Planting!

We always buy flowers for house at about £10 so it’s not actually that much if they are looking good for a couple of months. I bought 30 bulbs last year and it was a pretty pathetic display tbh. Go hard or go home like I say. Also farmer gracy is best quality.

[throbber]

2 hours ago, Leith Green said:

Your original story certainly doesnt seem normal to me. Controlling "the money" is just another form of control that husbands (its usually them) use in relationships.

I guess my thoughts on this come from my dad who back in the 70s, paid in cash, used to give the entire pay packet to my mum and she gave him back his pocket money for going to the bowling club etc. Some of his workmates used to go straight to the bookies on the Friday, spend what they wanted and give what was left to the missus. 

For my wife and I , the main money every month goes into the joint account, and we pay ourselves a small amount as pocket money to our own accounts for nights out with pals etc. We have savings accounts in joint names and its all very relaxed. 

While I have a far larger pension pot, I recognise that this is partly because my wife gave up years of her career to bring up the kids, so as far as I am concerned thats all joint as well.

I have heard a few stories where one person "pays the mortgage" and another "pays the bills". Thats all very well, as long as its relatively even, and the assets are in joint names if thats appropriate.

One of my wifes friends was in a common law marriage in England, her and the guy split up after 15 years and the house (in his name) remained with him - she moved up here to be closer to family with 2 kids and zero cash.

Thats where not having assets and money in both names goes wrong. 

 

My gfs stepsister sounds like a sorry situation, the guy sounds like a total loser. As I said I don’t know them very well, I don’t think she was entirely normal from what her mother in law told us about her when she first moved in there.

I do find my sisters situation rather alarming as it sounds like their money is separate. He’s the kind of guy who appears to lament his life choices a bit and says he didn’t want kids as much as her etc so could easily have a midlife crisis and totally f**k her over.

Not sure what my stance is on not having both names on assets, my gfs siblings have all ended up with partners who have had a significant deposit for property, her brothers gf is particularly minted and I don’t think it would be particularly fair for him to be entitled to half of her assets when he paid almost nothing in.

I don’t think about it in terms of my own partner as she has gone to the hassle of bearing my children. Would probably feel a bit differently if she had an affair obviously. 

[hk blues]

3 minutes ago, throbber said:

We always buy flowers for house at about £10 so it’s not actually that much if they are looking good for a couple of months. I bought 30 bulbs last year and it was a pretty pathetic display tbh. Go hard or go home like I say. Also farmer gracy is best quality.

We don't do flowers as we have too much rain and sun at times - and need to be careful to avoid certain flowers which apparently attract snakes - so we stick with plants and pot them to keep them under control (when I say 'we' I mean the wife) - it's lush and green and as the house is maroon red there's enough colour.  Actually, the wife spent an hour this morning tidying the garden up and adding compost etc to the pots. I've never been a gardener but can appreciate a bonny garden. 

[The Moonster]

11 hours ago, Sugar_Army said:

Rich?

I earn £27,000 a year, drive my late brother's 59 plate Astra and live in an ex-council house which my parents bought thanks to Maggie Thatcher. 

The reason we had/have that cash was due to us saving so as not to have to get a mortgage and therefore buy out my two sisters.  Hence switching bank accounts and being savvy with our money etc

To achieve such a lavish lifestyle we have no kids, no pets and neither of us smoke or drink. 

When we go on holiday we backpack, which involves, camping, living with locals or renting a basic apartment.  Only ever stayed in a 5 star or all inclusive hotel 3 times in my life and that was with an ex over 15 years ago.

Now if you excuse me, my chambermaid is warming my bed and my butler is busy ironing my silk pyjamas

So savvy with money that you managed to misplace the guts of 20 grand and not notice it

I'm just at the wind up pal, mainly because I wish I'd magically discovered 20 grand in an unknown account of my own. 

[Sergeant Wilson]

1 hour ago, throbber said:

My gfs stepsister sounds like a sorry situation, the guy sounds like a total loser. As I said I don’t know them very well, I don’t think she was entirely normal from what her mother in law told us about her when she first moved in there.

I do find my sisters situation rather alarming as it sounds like their money is separate. He’s the kind of guy who appears to lament his life choices a bit and says he didn’t want kids as much as her etc so could easily have a midlife crisis and totally f**k her over.

Not sure what my stance is on not having both names on assets, my gfs siblings have all ended up with partners who have had a significant deposit for property, her brothers gf is particularly minted and I don’t think it would be particularly fair for him to be entitled to half of her assets when he paid almost nothing in.

I don’t think about it in terms of my own partner as she has gone to the hassle of bearing my children. Would probably feel a bit differently if she had an affair obviously. 

I hope she kills this version of throbber and buries him in the garden. A pale shadow of the man he was!

[Melanius Mullarkey]

8 minutes ago, Sergeant Wilson said:

I hope she kills this version of throbber and buries him in the garden. A pale shadow of the man he was!

I’m guessing “bulbs” is a euphemism for “used knickers off the internet” here.

[Leith Green]

2 hours ago, throbber said:

Not sure what my stance is on not having both names on assets, my gfs siblings have all ended up with partners who have had a significant deposit for property, her brothers gf is particularly minted and I don’t think it would be particularly fair for him to be entitled to half of her assets when he paid almost nothing in

You can set up the ownership in such a way that you can ringfence the deposit (or the %age it represented) in the event of a split.

This is becoming more common now where kids cannae afford a house without a substantial deposit courtesy of the parents and the parents dont want "that fucken gold digging bitch / b*****d" * to get my money.

 

*delete as appropriate.......................

[TxRover]

5 hours ago, Leith Green said:

Thats where not having assets and money in both names goes wrong. 

By the same token, having assets in both names can go as wrong quite easily. Simply trying to straighten out getting both names off a mortgage, house title, insurance two car loans/titles and various credit cards has cost additional time and lawyers fees over 9 months already, and the house mortgage issue is about to cost thousands more and a court date. If a split is amicable, all this is relatively easily smoothed over, but when one side or the other is actively hostile to sorting it out, for whatever reason, it becomes a veritable Gordian knot.

In hindsight, there is little to no solution to the house/mortgage matter, but most of the others could have been easily addressed by simple steps, like ensuring each party had a vehicle titled to them alone and that no joint credit cards or accounts existed. Now, perhaps having a single joint household account wouldn’t have been too bad, but the commingling that is inherent in most legally sanctioned relationships can be a real mess to straighten out.

[Granny Danger]

2 hours ago, Leith Green said:

You can set up the ownership in such a way that you can ringfence the deposit (or the %age it represented) in the event of a split.

This is becoming more common now where kids cannae afford a house without a substantial deposit courtesy of the parents and the parents dont want "that fucken gold digging bitch / b*****d" * to get my money.

 

*delete as appropriate.......................

Surely someone can be both a bitch and a b*****d?

[Leith Green]

26 minutes ago, Granny Danger said:

Surely someone can be both a bitch and a b*****d?

Even forms of abuse are a veritable minefield for us aulder feckers...........

[Sugar_Army]

6 hours ago, The Moonster said:

So savvy with money that you managed to misplace the guts of 20 grand and not notice it

I'm just at the wind up pal, mainly because I wish I'd magically discovered 20 grand in an unknown account of my own. 

Yeah I kinda got that, hence the light hearted reply. 

But in fairness, with the benefit of hindsight I could have worded my initial post better, it did look a bit like a brag.  No harm done. 

But you are right, savvy or not she must be a shit accountant. No idea why her employer is not bankrupt yet

 

[SaltcoatsBuddie]

I am am really just a browser on the forums but I really liked this topic and decided to reply. My wife and I have been together 28 years and she has always earned a good bit more than me !!! We get both our salaries paid into a joint account, all the bills come from the joint account ( we don't have a mortgage anymore so thats grand) and the weekly shopping.

I get £100 a week pocket money (which is good coz it costs me very little to travel to work as I walk unless it's raining. On top of that from the joint account I get 1 pack of ciggies and 1 pouch of baccie a week.

If I'm going to the football or a wee night out with friend (very seldom) I get extra cash.

Whatever is leftover each month gets moved to a savings account. Holidays and stuff are never a problem we discuss them whilst having a lovely meal at the table most Saturdays (which I normally cook).

I love doing it this way totally stress free for me and yes I have a few quid left over from my pocket money every week and sometimes buy her a wee present. Happy Days !!!

[Shadow Play]

8 hours ago, hk blues said:

Maybe just me, but how often do you and your wife book a holiday without the other knowing, or buy each other expensive enough ad-hoc gifts to be noticed on a joint account?  For me, holidays are booked for holiday time and gifts are birthday, anniversary and Christmas.  The only surprises are the specific gifts - my wife is expecting something anyway on those occasions.  Again, maybe just me, but I would pretty much always be able to buy the gifts in cash so nothing would pop up on the credit card bill.  Holidays would be a joint effort.

Absolutely agree that it's each to their own but I reckon for the vast majority of couples who share joint finances the 'secrecy' issue is a non-issue for the reasons I've mentioned. 

I’ve read the room.  Not a chance am I going to answer that one. 

[101]

On 10/10/2023 at 00:31, Sugar_Army said:

She is an accountant. 

We have various joint savings accounts including a Bills account and a Holiday account which are topped up monthly by dd from our own individual personal accounts.  Anything left over in our personal accounts is ours to do with as we please.

We put most larger purchases on a joint credit card and, go through it and allocate if it is hers, mine or house purchases, and pay it off every month.  

Well I say she is an accountant. She found an account about 3yrs ago that had 6 grand in it that she forgot about.  I had no idea it existed until she told me.  The downside of multiple accounts and constantly moving money around.

We were recently going through accounts and had to speak to the bank.  They were adamant that we had deposited £13,000 by cheque into an account a couple of years back and neither of us could figure out where it had come from.

And no, we are not Columbian drug dealers laundering money!

@Derry Alli ach only the £13k actually.

[Derry Alli]

6 hours ago, 101 said:

@Derry Alli ach only the £13k actually.

Aye, boys a fantasist. His posts got the old rubbered practice a long time ago.

[Florentine_Pogen]

1 hour ago, Grayway said:

Financial arrangements in relationships can vary widely from one couple to another. It's essential for partners to have open and honest discussions about money early on to avoid misunderstandings later.

[Jacksgranda]

21 hours ago, Grayway said:

"Financial arrangements in relationships can vary widely from one couple to another. It's essential for partners to have open and honest discussions about money early on to avoid misunderstandings later."

For FREE, impartial advice, and an immediate appointment, contact Fly By Night Dodgy Accountants Ltd., PO Box 666, The Cayman Islands.

There

[Steelly]

22 hours ago, Grayway said:

Financial arrangements in relationships can vary widely from one couple to another. It's essential for partners to have open and honest discussions about money early on to avoid misunderstandings later.

I agree. Money can be the root of all evil so it is better to be open and honest with your partner about it. If you aren't it could bring lots of problems in the relationship.