Financial arrangements in relationships.

[Honest_Man#1]

18 hours ago, Michael W said:

How people choose to run their finances is their own business, but the relationship described in the original post sounds like an abusive one and the lady needs to escape it. 

We have a joint account for the mortgage and most the direct debits, which is paid into proportionately by salary. I earn more, so pick up most of the other spend; the rest is our own money. 

 

 

16 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

One joint account for mortgage, fuel, broadband, cooncil tax etc.  We both pay in the same % of our income into this from our own separate current accounts.  

Whatever is spare in our personal accounts after that is ours to play with as we please*.  Separate savings accounts as well.

If she lost her job or whatever, I wouldn't let her go without basics such as a car if I had surplus though, although words may be had if I was lending money only for her to be spending it on handbags and candles.  That said, if she lost her job, then I wonder if my contribution would drop to 0% under the proportion match agreement?

*she's never specifically said "no hookers"

 

15 hours ago, MONKMAN said:

We have a joint account that we both pay in to that covers mortgage, bills and monthly expenses such as shopping etc. We split this proportionately so as I earn more, we split this 60:40 with me paying the greater share and whatever we have left over is our own spends.  We're very fortunate that we both earn very good salaries, so money has never really been an issue or a cause for concern in our relationship and whatever is left over each month belongs to that person. Considering my wife likes to spend a monumental amount of money on utter shite each month, I'm more than happy with the current situation.  Ironically, as I tend to cover more than my share for holidays, meals, days out etc she probably has more of a disposable income than me despite earning less.  

Yeah this is the best way IMO. Bills, meals out, joint purchases etc all come from the joint account that’s split based on incomes, then what’s left is each person’s to spend on whatever they want. 

[Hedgecutter]

3 minutes ago, Honest_Man#1 said:

 

 

Yeah this is the best way IMO. Bills, meals out, joint purchases etc all come from the joint account that’s split based on incomes, then what’s left is each person’s to spend on whatever they want. 

Just make sure you buy the beer as part of the weekly shop on the joint card.

[Am Featha Taigh Nan Clach]

We have a joint account for mortgage, bills etc plus sub accounts for holiday savings and suchlike. The rest is in our own accounts to spend/save as we please.

This sounds like a terrible thing to say but I think I'd be a little bitter if my wife earned significantly less than me and I/we couldn't have a 'nice' lifestyle as a result.

[mozam76]

3 hours ago, Hedgecutter said:

Not true (in Scotland).  There are however certain circumstances (in Scotland) whereby a cohabitee can make a claim against their other half if they've been economically disadvantaged, e.g. one resident (in Scotland) putting their career on hold to look after kids (presumably in Scotland) whilst the other half has been coining it in (not necessarily in Scotland).

FWIW, we have wills written up (under Scottish Law) that give us the same outcome as if we were married, rather than our funds being automatically passed on to blood-relatives rather than each other should either of us snuff it (which would have been the case otherwise, under Scottish Law).

You are of course spot on. My apologies. Original post has been amended. 

It’s perhaps prudent to point out though that in the case of an unmarried couple then most funds (bar any inheritance received) would at least be open to a claim being made by either party. 

[Shadow Play]

10 hours ago, Aufc said:

Stick it on a credit card, earn some points and then pay it off

Aye this for me (minus the 47 years as I’m not an old codger). I find it weird when people are married and have seperate accounts. What do you do when going out for dinner?

To be fair my wife and I do have a joint credit card for most things, including eating out.  

I still don’t fully get not having your own saving accounts.  How does it work after the date of giving the gift.  I can only assume it would be something like: “Remember the £10k I spent on a Rolex watch for your 50th?  I’m going to have to take out £10k from our joint saving account next month to pay for it.”  To me at least, it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as paying from money that I have saved by myself.

 

[GordonS]

59 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

To be fair my wife and I do have a joint credit card for most things, including eating out.  

I still don’t fully get not having your own saving accounts.  How does it work after the date of giving the gift.  I can only assume it would be something like: “Remember the £10k I spent on a Rolex watch for your 50th?  I’m going to have to take out £10k from our joint saving account next month to pay for it.”  To me at least, it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as paying from money that I have saved by myself.

 

Yeah I'm sure we all wonder this as we buy our other halves a £10k gift. Happens regularly.

Edited October 9, 2023 by GordonS

[Shadow Play]

5 minutes ago, GordonS said:

Yeah I'm sure we all wonder this as we buy our other halves a £10k gift. Happens regularly.

The value of the gift is irrelevant I suppose.  I’m still trying to understand - if a couple only have one joint cheque account and one joint savings account then surely any gift you buy each other would be known in advance / paid for jointly? 

[Aufc]

1 hour ago, Shadow Play said:

To be fair my wife and I do have a joint credit card for most things, including eating out.  

I still don’t fully get not having your own saving accounts.  How does it work after the date of giving the gift.  I can only assume it would be something like: “Remember the £10k I spent on a Rolex watch for your 50th?  I’m going to have to take out £10k from our joint saving account next month to pay for it.”  To me at least, it doesn’t have quite the same ring to it as paying from money that I have saved by myself.

 

Sorry we do have our own bank accounts but hardly ever add to it. We have a joint savings as well. I generally just use my savings account for nights out. However, almost everything going in and out of the joint account

[strichener]

18 hours ago, RH33 said:

Controling behaviour on his part. I'd also question the relationships mentioned in Throbbers post. Obviously we don't know anyone but they aren't healthy relationships.

When I was married we had a joint account that everything went in and out of. I'm not a spender on candles and handbags or shoes so that helped!

Your car expenses would bankrupt the Sultan of Brunei 

[scottsdad]

28 minutes ago, GordonS said:

Yeah I'm sure we all wonder this as we buy our other halves a £10k gift. Happens regularly.

Welcome back Gordon. 

It's been a while. 

[strichener]

23 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

The value of the gift is irrelevant I suppose.  I’m still trying to understand - if a couple only have one joint cheque account and one joint savings account then surely any gift you buy each other would be known in advance / paid for jointly? 

If you are married it is joint wealth so what difference does it make which account the money comes from?  It is all semantics.

[Shadow Play]

1 minute ago, strichener said:

If you are married it is joint wealth so what difference does it make which account the money comes from?  It is all semantics.

I can see your rationale with regards to where the money comes from. 

It still doesn’t answer the question with regards to surprise gifts.  If you are buying even a relatively inexpensive gift would that not be noticeable in a joint account?  

Likewise at Christmas when you are buying gifts for each other would you not have to ask how much you could take out the account in order to buy a gift?  To me at least that takes away the spontaneity of seeing something nice that you think your partner would like and simply buying it as a gift without the need to discuss it.

 

 

[strichener]

52 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

I can see your rationale with regards to where the money comes from. 

It still doesn’t answer the question with regards to surprise gifts.  If you are buying even a relatively inexpensive gift would that not be noticeable in a joint account?  

Likewise at Christmas when you are buying gifts for each other would you not have to ask how much you could take out the account in order to buy a gift?  To me at least that takes away the spontaneity of seeing something nice that you think your partner would like and simply buying it as a gift without the need to discuss it.

 

 

It's a joint account, you don't need permission from the each other to spend from it.  Nothing you have described cannot be done from a joint account, the fact that the other half can see what you spent is a negative only if you are a cheapskate!

[Granny Danger]

58 minutes ago, Shadow Play said:

I can see your rationale with regards to where the money comes from. 

It still doesn’t answer the question with regards to surprise gifts.  If you are buying even a relatively inexpensive gift would that not be noticeable in a joint account?  

Likewise at Christmas when you are buying gifts for each other would you not have to ask how much you could take out the account in order to buy a gift?  To me at least that takes away the spontaneity of seeing something nice that you think your partner would like and simply buying it as a gift without the need to discuss it.

 

 

I reckon the best source for such gifts would be the excess cash we all have squirreled away from undeclared income.
 

[Soapy FFC]

Been married 31 years, but only had a joint account for about 20 years, and it was only really opened for the travel insurance that went with it at the time. I fully fund the joint account and all bills are paid from that or my own account. We both put most purchases on our individual credit cards, that I pay off fully every month. She has her own account that she does what she wants with, but normally if she has anything left at the end of the month she transfers to me to go toward the bills or into savings. So basically, what’s mine is hers, and what’s hers in mine.

[Shadow Play]

7 minutes ago, strichener said:

It's a joint account, you don't need permission from the each other to spend from it.  Nothing you have described cannot be done from a joint account, the fact that the other half can see what you spent is a negative only if you are a cheapskate!

I appreciate you don’t need permission in terms of banking procedures and the trust most of us will have with their partner but to ensure you both know roughly how much is left to spend in the account I assume you have to let your partner know if you’ve made any reasonable sized withdrawals from the joint account?  Otherwise would they not be  left wondering if the account has had an unauthorised withdrawal / transaction?  Also, could your partner not potentially be placed in the situation where they try to use the debit card to make their own reasonably expensive purchase only to have the transaction refused due to lack of funds?

Sorry, I don’t think you’ve explained (it may very well just be me not understanding you) how you can buy a surprise expensive gift weeks or months before you give the gift without your partner knowing in advance.  If you only have a joint cheque account and joint savings account wouldn’t they notice?

 

[D Angelo Barksdale]

We've been together for 12 years and have always had separate accounts. She covers the food shopping, (most of) the kids, birthdays and Xmas and the car. I do the rest. She only works part time so earns less. She's also a prolific saver, so pulls her weight when it comes to holidays or emergencies. I can't recall a single argument we've had over money.

Reading through the thread, it seems it doesn't really matter if you have joint or separate accounts, it's about the people running those accounts.

[Sugar_Army]

She is an accountant. 

We have various joint savings accounts including a Bills account and a Holiday account which are topped up monthly by dd from our own individual personal accounts.  Anything left over in our personal accounts is ours to do with as we please.

We put most larger purchases on a joint credit card and, go through it and allocate if it is hers, mine or house purchases, and pay it off every month.  

Well I say she is an accountant. She found an account about 3yrs ago that had 6 grand in it that she forgot about.  I had no idea it existed until she told me.  The downside of multiple accounts and constantly moving money around.

We were recently going through accounts and had to speak to the bank.  They were adamant that we had deposited £13,000 by cheque into an account a couple of years back and neither of us could figure out where it had come from.

And no, we are not Columbian drug dealers laundering money!

[TxRover]

3 hours ago, Sugar_Army said:

We were recently going through accounts and had to speak to the bank.  They were adamant that we had deposited £13,000 by cheque into an account a couple of years back and neither of us could figure out where it had come from.

And no, we are not Columbian drug dealers laundering money!

Maybe they thought your handle was Sunak_Army?

[derrybiy]

We met 14 years ago and got one joint current account before getting our first mortgage because we assumed that was the norm and we couldn't imagine any other way being easier. Now that I've read this I'm still convinced it's the easiest way. We still have our own current accounts, savings accounts and credit cards because we've never been arsed setting up joint versions but more importantly we trust each other not to run off with savings.

We get paid to our own current accounts (because we've never bothered to change this), keep back an agreed amount each for our own spending (football, hillwalking, whisky and nights out with mates etc), put an agreed amount towards someone's savings account (for holidays etc) then put the rest to the joint account which covers everything else. Anything we can't afford at the time goes on one of our credit cards and we pay it off by the end of the month.

The only issue was managing how much we can afford to keep for our own spending and for savings but this was mostly because my wife wanted to manage this. Her list of what our costs were per month turned out to be quite far off the actual costs so we were left short and she was left stressed at how often she was getting it wrong. Since I've taken over managing this it's very easy to understand so we're fine now and I like to think this makes up for me contributing less since she gets paid much more.

Edited October 10, 2023 by derrybiy