D Angelo Barksdale Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 I'd argue that quite a few of the 'low bars' stated in the OP aren't really the low bars they were previously. Stuff like owning a house, having a proper worthwhile secure job and career that is enough to support a partner and children is absolutely much more difficult today. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 Theres not really any such thing as failing in life. Everyones time on this earth (not a journey, life is not a journey) is different. Different challenges, different hurdles, different successes, different dreams, nightmares etc. You're a thinker DA. You spend a fair bit of time pondering things on here. Most if not all of the time, you come down on the good guy side of things, but theres no doubt that when it comes to your view of yourself you focus almost exclusively on negatives, and perceiving things as a negative when they're really just "things". This isn't a twee lecture on positivity from me, but what I would say is being positive doesn't always work, but being negative has an unblemished record of success. You'll get one fucking go on this spinning rock before meeting your maker, just like the rest of us. Don't spend energy relentlessly cutting off any shoots of enjoyment or positivity. Let them fuckers grow brother. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 ^^^ 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 DA, all those aspirations can be achieved if you drink a cup of tea a day! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 Just now, Derry Alli said: DA, all those aspirations can be achieved if you drink a cup of tea a day! This guy. This is MY guy 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moomintroll Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 1 minute ago, Ziggy Sobotka said: I'd argue that quite a few of the 'low bars' stated in the OP aren't really the low bars they were previously. Stuff like owning a house, having a proper worthwhile secure job and career that is enough to support a partner and children is absolutely much more difficult today. I have no kids, Snorkmaiden makes more than me & my pretty low paid FTC runs out next October, I don't care because I am sure I will work it out somehow if it all goes to shit.No one hits all the high notes no matter what toxic social media would have you believe. Just keep being good people & you will get through with other good people helping. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 As for bars I aspire to..... Small.... Get half way decent at golf. Stop being a lazy b*****d and get into a regular gym routine again. Large.... Get to f**k out of the shitty industry I work in and find something I like to do. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Bert Raccoon Posted October 15, 2023 Popular Post Share Posted October 15, 2023 I felt like I was missing out on alot in life just like DA, I was in my 40s, nowhere to call my own, out getting pissed every week and waking up with god knows what and just generally being miserable. In the last year I've bought a flat, met an amazing woman and planning for the future (weddings, kids and all that guff). What I'm trying to say is it's never too late. Focus on the good stuff and look after yourself and it will all come together in time 22 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bennett Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 Hi DA, could you maybe see about the possibility of getting an allotment or helping on a community garden, quite a few of them seem to be springing up. I find that doing stuff tends to help me, a few hours out on the bike/walking through the countryside or going fishing tends to recharge the batteries. A hobby or interest can sometimes give you something to focus on and break your routine. 14 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 38 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said: I felt like I was missing out on alot in life just like DA, I was in my 40s, nowhere to call my own, out getting pissed every week and waking up with god knows what and just generally being miserable. In the last year I've bought a flat, met an amazing woman and planning for the future (weddings, kids and all that guff). What I'm trying to say is it's never too late. Focus on the good stuff and look after yourself and it will all come together in time Absolutely - it's never too late for good things to happen. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RawB93 Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 I always wanted a net positive greenie/post ratio. Now I have, my personal life just goes from strength to strength. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101 Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 2 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Large.... Get to f**k out of the shitty industry I work in and find something I like to do. Chef, food critic and Tennents Lager connoisseur. Find the opportunity for that role and you have it made broTher. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 I'd like to have the vocabulary that DA has. I'm often struggling for the right word. I'd like to have more than 2 cats but the apartment is too small. I'd like to ditch sugary snacks for good but that's never happening. I wish I had the drive to get into really great shape, with all the right tones and muscles showing but my motivation only stretches so far. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 Wish I could speak the local lingo to a high degree but I find language learning difficult. Started again a course last week but fck me, it's like it never sticks. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 (edited) As a grammar pedant you should aim to refrain from ending your thread title with a preposition . I'm with Bennett on the allotment recommendation. I don't have one anymore, but when I lived in Glasgow I had an allotment next to Barrowfield (and yes, the tattie crop was incredible) and I've seldom had that much fun. It was magical. I tend to link depression with living an unnatural life, and part of that is being out of sync with the seasons and the earth. Get on it man. Another thing. I imagine you're avoiding this thread due to the massive vulnerability hangover you'll be experiencing, but in case you read it I would say that alcohol is a massive depressant and while you drink you'll exacerbate any shame or anxiety which has been hitherto latent (or just on the surface) so don't confuse drunken self talk with truth (in vino veritas may be a cool aphorism, but it isn't true). There isn't such a thing as an objectively low bar. Some people with secure attachment styles find relationships a skoosh. I have an anxious avoidant style and have been single for most of my life due to my finding connection unbearable beyond the initial few dates. So for you that sounds like a very high bar. I don't know how much you know about attachment styles, but given what you've shared about your upbringing on here and how you present at times I'd respectfully suggest that having a relationship for you isn't a low bar at all. "Low bars" that I aspire to are being married or in a loving long-term relationship. I have done so much fucking work on myself and I finally feel ready to step into this, but it's absolutely not a low bar for me. I've wrestled with depression, addiction and suicidal ideation for most of my adult life but I've been on so many deep dives through therapy, men's groups, workshops, training weekends and other stuff that I've now arrived at a place where I'm able to finally share myself with someone. It's taken a long time and a lot of tenacity, so for me it isn't a low bar at all, it's fucking Everest. I also want my Grade 8 piano, which I would get if I just focused up and practiced. Also playing professionally (weddings etc) and getting my psychology degree finished. Be gentle with yourself my friend. And, most of all, be gentle with those who still call it the SPL. Edited October 18, 2023 by velo army 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 53 minutes ago, Stellaboz said: I'd like to have the vocabulary that DA has. I'm often struggling for the right word. I'd like to have more than 2 cats but the apartment is too small. I'd like to ditch sugary snacks for good but that's never happening. I wish I had the drive to get into really great shape, with all the right tones and muscles showing but my motivation only stretches so far. If you fold the cats in half, you can fit twice as many in. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Florentine_Pogen Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 11 minutes ago, Richey Edwards said: If you fold the cats in half, you can fit twice as many in. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 1 hour ago, Stellaboz said: Wish I could speak the local lingo to a high degree but I find language learning difficult. Started again a course last week but fck me, it's like it never sticks. I take delight in your misfortune.... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 (edited) That's an excellent post by @velo army. ETA : the one prior to the last one! Edited October 15, 2023 by Derry Alli 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sortmeout Posted October 15, 2023 Share Posted October 15, 2023 To have £10,000 in my savings account. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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