Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[SANTAN]

On the subject of cleaners, years ago my parents hired cleaners whilst they were out the country as they wanted to sell the house and they didn't trust my capabilities. I'd usually be out of the house at work when they would arrive but this one time I had the day off so I was asleep when they turned up, I knew they were coming so slept in a spare room as they only did a few of the rooms and didn't want awoken, they obviously didn't know I was in the house. Now I used to have a tray in my parents house in my bedroom that I'd use to roll joints on, would have had weed and baggies and stuff on it, I'd place this deep below a desk-drawer unit so you would only really find it if you were searching for it... the nosey weirdos found it and I literally heard one call to the other

"Here look what I found, let's leave it out on his bed so he knows we found it" giggling away or something similar .. Cue me loudly getting up, walking down the stairs on the phone to my mum very audibly repeating out loud what the cleaners had said and how it was mental that they seemed to be snooping through my belongings and if she could perhaps have a word with them. You could hear the sudden beautiful silence as they were clearly stood thinking "oh f**k" and then they quickly finished their business silently and scurried out the gaff.

I'm sure 99% of cleaners are sound and lovely people but I found that so weird, I perhaps didn't explain it well enough but they really would have had to dig through my belongings to get to where they did. God knows what they were doing the other visits when I wasn't in. 

Edited May 28, 2021 by Stormzy

[Bigmouth Strikes Again]

44 minutes ago, Stormzy said:

On the subject of cleaners, years ago my parents hired cleaners whilst they were out the country as they wanted to sell the house and they didn't trust my capabilities. I'd usually be out of the house at work when they would arrive but this one time I had the day off so I was asleep when they turned up, I knew they were coming so slept in a spare room as they only did a few of the rooms and didn't want awoken, they obviously didn't know I was in the house. Now I used to have a tray in my parents house in my bedroom that I'd use to roll joints on, would have had weed and baggies and stuff on it, I'd place this deep below a desk-drawer unit so you would only really find it if you were searching for it... the nosey weirdos found it and I literally heard one call to the other

"Here look what I found, let's leave it out on his bed so he knows we found it" giggling away or something similar .. Cue me loudly getting up, walking down the stairs on the phone to my mum very audibly repeating out loud what the cleaners had said and how it was mental that they seemed to be snooping through my belongings and if she could perhaps have a word with them. You could hear the sudden beautiful silence as they were clearly stood thinking "oh f**k" and then they quickly finished their business silently and scurried out the gaff.

I'm sure 99% of cleaners are sound and lovely people but I found that so weird, I perhaps didn't explain it well enough but they really would have had to dig through my belongings to get to where they did. God knows what they were doing the other visits when I wasn't in. 

Maybe sniffed it out?

Could've been worse, could've robbed your stash.

[Shandon Par]

On username changes, P&B’s “Dave” @DivMcDonald was on Radio Scotland earlier. He politely never once said “IT’S DIV NOT DAVE” to the presenter. Or is it Dave when he’s hanging with more respectable people?

 

[Jacksgranda]

2 hours ago, Stormzy said:

On the subject of cleaners, years ago my parents hired cleaners whilst they were out the country as they wanted to sell the house and they didn't trust my capabilities. I'd usually be out of the house at work when they would arrive but this one time I had the day off so I was asleep when they turned up, I knew they were coming so slept in a spare room as they only did a few of the rooms and didn't want awoken, they obviously didn't know I was in the house. Now I used to have a tray in my parents house in my bedroom that I'd use to roll joints on, would have had weed and baggies and stuff on it, I'd place this deep below a desk-drawer unit so you would only really find it if you were searching for it... the nosey weirdos found it and I literally heard one call to the other

"Here look what I found, let's leave it out on his bed so he knows we found it" giggling away or something similar .. Cue me loudly getting up, walking down the stairs on the phone to my mum very audibly repeating out loud what the cleaners had said and how it was mental that they seemed to be snooping through my belongings and if she could perhaps have a word with them. You could hear the sudden beautiful silence as they were clearly stood thinking "oh f**k" and then they quickly finished their business silently and scurried out the gaff.

I'm sure 99% of cleaners are sound and lovely people but I found that so weird, I perhaps didn't explain it well enough but they really would have had to dig through my belongings to get to where they did. God knows what they were doing the other visits when I wasn't in. 

What size of f****** house is it that they would need more than a couple of days to clean?

[Dan Steele]

2 hours ago, Stormzy said:

Cue me loudly getting up, walking down the stairs on the phone to my mum very audibly repeating out loud what the cleaners had said and how it was mental that they seemed to be snooping through my belongings and if she could perhaps have a word with them

Wait, you phoned yer Maw instead of telling the cleaners to just do their job? 

[SANTAN]

4 minutes ago, The Skelpit Lug said:

Wait, you phoned yer Maw instead of telling the cleaners to just do their job? 

Well it was her that hired the nosey cleaners. I could've phoned nobody and achieved the same outcome. I wasn't going to burst into the room and confront these people, that would be awkward. 

[Rugster]

13 minutes ago, Stormzy said:

Well it was her that hired the nosey cleaners. I could've phoned nobody and achieved the same outcome. I wasn't going to burst into the room and confront these people, that would be awkward. 

Shitebag

[SANTAN]

1 minute ago, Rugster said:

Shitebag

I feel this is definitely the time to clarify the cleaners were women. 

[Rugster]

1 minute ago, Stormzy said:

I feel this is definitely the time to clarify the cleaners were women. 

Doesn’t make you any less of a shitebag. 

[SANTAN]

5 minutes ago, Rugster said:

Doesn’t make you any less of a shitebag. 

I be playing chess not checkers. 

[Florentine_Pogen]

My sofa just broke.
Wasn't even shagging on it at time.

Read this and an image of The Fat Slags* from Viz came to mind.
(*I am in no way impugning or traducing the Persil reputation of Madame RH33)

[RH33]

Aye I'm pure whiter and white!

[tamthebam]

9 hours ago, Peter Grant said:

On username changes, P&B’s “Dave” @DivMcDonald was on Radio Scotland earlier. He politely never once said “IT’S DIV NOT DAVE” to the presenter. Or is it Dave when he’s hanging with more respectable people?

 

Media whore Rodney McDonald on the radio again...

[Zen Archer (Raconteur)]

At the end of the film Fury, two hand grenades see off Brad Pitt, but when Norman crawls back in the tank instead of being wallpaper on the inside of the tank the c**t is intact.

[Theroadlesstravelled]

6 hours ago, Zen Archer Esq. said:

At the end of the film Fury, two hand grenades see off Brad Pitt, but when Norman crawls back in the tank instead of being wallpaper on the inside of the tank the c**t is intact.

The whole movie was silly. It only made sense if you chant U-S-A. U-S-A the whole way through.

[Mark Connolly]

BBC Sounds keeping every news bulletin in the recordings when you can listen back.

I don't need to hear the news from 3 Tuesdays ago four times in the one show.

[Sergeant Wilson]

10 hours ago, grumswall said:

People who big up the Royal family. Do these people realise that they don't give a f*ck about us normal folks? We're going to have a week of mourning for the Queen, why?

I'll be disappointed if it's only a week.

[Melanius Mullarkey]

Joined the Shandon/Rasputin/PeterGrant club.

[Dee Man]

14 minutes ago, Melanius Mullarkey said:

Joined the Shandon/Rasputin/PeterGrant club.

Biggie and/or Smudger eventually get a hold of you?

[BFTD]