Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...

[BFTD]

Sent our out of hours team an email asking them to carry out some config changes on a customers router that they'd asked for last night.

Came in this morning to a snippy email saying that if I wanted them to carry out changes I should have scripted them and attached them to the email.

I'm sorry, you mean the changes I spent all afternoon scripting and attached to the email I sent you, you utter fucking dolt? Now I have to explain to the customer why it's not been done without using the words "our OOH team are fucking morons".

I sense a terse email cc'd to someone's boss in the offing.

[KnightswoodBear]

I sense a terse email cc'd to someone's boss in the offing.

Bcc'd

I'm a c**t.

[P45]

Someone put the word "ain't" in their MBA dissertation.

[SweeperDee]

Someone put the word "ain't" in their MBA dissertation.

Was reading one of my pals project proposals and instead of "convenience sampling", they wrote "convenient sampling"; absolutely boiled my piss.

[Sweet Pete]

Advertising for a vacancy at work. All the details are in the ad about relevant experience, qualifications, skills, equipment, how to apply (CV and covering letter by email only) etc etc.

This morning I have had two separate emails from utter morons.

Moron the first emailed to say "would this job be suitable for someone with my experience?". As I'm not a mindreader, nor did they even go so far as to attach their CV to their bizarre email, I have no idea. I simply emailed back saying "details for requirements are in the advert".

Moron the second emailed to say "just finished working with X company, now looking for work". That was it. No covering letter, no CV, no contact details, not even a hello to begin the email.

Some people are too stupid to function.

[banana]

Just went to Tesco there to get a couple of essentials. The wifie was beeping the things through the checkout when she stops, looks at me and says "You know, that tie doesnt really go with that shirt. You need a plain tie".

As correct as she was, I thought, you cheeky bitch.

An Afghan, an Albanian, an Algerian, an American, an Andorran, an Angolan, an Antiguans, an Argentine, an Armenian, an Australian, an Austrian, an Azerbaijani, a Bahamian, a Bahraini, a Bangladeshi, a Barbadian, a Barbudans, a Batswanan, a Belarusian, a Belgian, a Belizean, a Beninese, a Bhutanese, a Bolivian, a Bosnian, a Brazilian, a Bruneian, a Bulgarian, a Burkinabe, a Burmese, a Burundian, a Cambodian, a Cameroonian, a Canadian, a Cape Verdean, a Central African, a Chadian, a Chilean, a Chinese, a Colombian, a Comoran, a Congolese, a Costa Rican, a Croatian, a Cuban, a Cypriot, a Czech, a Dane, a Djibouti, a Dominican, a Dutchman, an East Timorese, an Ecuadorean, an Egyptian, an Emirian, an Englishwoman, an Equatorial Guinean, an Eritrean, an Estonian, an Ethiopian, a Fijian, a Filipino, a Finn, a Frenchman, a Gabonese, a Gambian, a Georgian, a German, a Ghanaian, a Greek, a Grenadian, a Guatemalan, a Guinea-Bissauan, a Guinean, a Guyanese, a Haitian, a Herzegovinian, a Honduran, a Hungarian, an I-Kiribati, an Icelander, an Indian, an Indonesian, an Iranian, an Iraqi, an Irishman, an Israeli, an Italian, an Ivorian, a Jamaican, a Japanese, a Jordanian, a Kazakhstani, a Kenyan, a Kittian and Nevisian, a Kuwaiti, a Kyrgyz, a Laotian, a Latvian, a Lebanese, a Liberian, a Libyan, a Liechtensteiner, a Lithuanian, a Luxembourger, a Macedonian, a Malagasy, a Malawian, a Malaysian, a Maldivan, a Malian, a Maltese, a Marshallese, a Mauritanian, a Mauritian, a Mexican, a Micronesian, a Moldovan, a Monacan, a Mongolian, a Moroccan, a Mosotho, a Motswana, a Mozambican, a Namibian, a Nauruan, a Nepalese, a New Zealander, a Nicaraguan, a Nigerian, a Nigerien, a North Korean, a Northern Irishman, a Norwegian, an Omani, a Pakistani, a Palauan, a Palestinian, a Panamanian, a Papua New Guinean, a Paraguayan, a Peruvian, a Pole, a Portuguese, a Qatari, a Romanian, a Russian, a Rwandan, a Saint Lucian, a Salvadoran, a Samoan, a San Marinese, a Sao Tomean, a Saudi, a Scottish, a Senegalese, a Serbian, a Seychellois, a Sierra Leonean, a Singaporean, a Slovakian, a Slovenian, a Solomon Islander, a Somali, a South African, a South Korean, a Spaniard, a Sri Lankan, a Sudanese, a Surinamer, a Swazi, a Swede, a Swiss, a Syrian, a Taiwanese, a Tajik, a Tanzanian, a Togolese, a Tongan, a Trinidadian or Tobagonian, a Tunisian, a Turkish, a Tuvaluan, a Ugandan, a Ukrainian, a Uruguayan, a Uzbekistani, a Venezuelan, a Vietnamese, a Welshman, a Yemenite, a Zambian and a Zimbabwean all go to a nightclub.

The doorman stops them and says sorry i cant let you in without a Thai.

[banana]

^ reported for racism

[BFTD]

a Scottish

Oh no, that won't do at all

And why is the English person specifically a woman?

[banana]

^ reported for sexism

[BFTD]

^ reported for sexism

I'm not the one who specifically excluded English men from the joke.

Rights for Englishmen!

[Dee Man]

Oh no, that won't do at all

And why is the English person specifically a woman?

More to the point, how the f**k did you notice that in that epic list?

And yes, I am an organ donor.

Eta: And what was your wife doing going out with all those guys?

lol

Edited March 26, 2015 by Dee Man

[BFTD]

More to the point, how the f**k did you notice that in that epic list?

And yes, I am an organ donor.

Eta: And what was your wife doing going out with all those guys?

lol

1. Eyes like a hawk, me.

2. Good, good. We should all do our bit for the starving.

3. Mine's American, but that's a good point. This could well be the first attempt at a United Nations-themed gangbang

[Lisa Cuddy]

As an English woman, I'm rather disturbed by this turn of events.

[jagfox]

Just went to Tesco there to get a couple of essentials. The wifie was beeping the things through the checkout when she stops, looks at me and says "You know, that tie doesnt really go with that shirt. You need a plain tie".

As correct as she was, I thought, you cheeky bitch.

You were a shirt and tie combo to Tescos?

[Raidernation]

Both require a bit of work, but are delicious when done right. Liver in particular is like nothing else, but can give you the boak easily

Wonder how many folk who turn green at the thought of offal will happily eat them in burgers and sausage, along with balls, rectum, and other bits swept up from the slaughterhouse floor

the infamous "includes mechanically recovered meat"

[Sergeant Wilson]

You were a shirt and tie combo to Tescos?

When was he a shirt and tie....This is all very abstract.

[Stellaboz]

Excessive needless exhaling in the changing rooms and showers at the sports village.

Shut the f**k up! Nobody cares that you've apparently worked out and apparently need lessons on breathing techniques so shut the hell up and change quietly.

[Miguel Sanchez]

"Home phone is a mandatory field!"

What fucking decade is this? And who thought it was a good idea to put an exclamation mark in there?

[Shotgun]

Wonder how many folk who turn green at the thought of offal will happily eat them in burgers and sausage, along with balls, rectum, and other bits swept up from the slaughterhouse floor

Every single travel show which visits Scotland makes a point of listing the ingredients of haggis, so I've long since resigned myself to Americans telling me how disgusting it is. Invariably it's the ones who have never tasted it and probably never will. My standard response is "But you eat hot dogs, right?"

I have a theory Americans think these are made from sirloin steak.

[Hedgecutter]

TV programmes where presenters walk into places or knock on doors pretending that it's the first time they've met the people there.

E.g. walking into a pub, asking for "a pint" and getting one poured without the question of "which one do you want?"

There the barman was, wondering why there was a camera crew hanging about filming inside his pub.

Edited March 26, 2015 by Hedgecutter