~~~ Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've had a year to write my best man speech for my mates wedding this saturday. I have only started it tonight, and I don't have a clue what to write. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've had a year to write my best man speech for my mates wedding this saturday. I have only started it tonight, and I don't have a clue what to write. Here's one for you. "I was surprised to hear that *bride and groom names* are going to *honeymoon destination* for their honeymoon. I was sure they were going to Wales *pause for effect*. Well *grooms name* has been telling me how he's going to Bangor for a week!" *sit back and receive the laughs* B) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~~~ Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 Here's one for you. "I was surprised to hear that *bride and groom names* are going to *honeymoon destination* for their honeymoon. I was sure they were going to Wales *pause for effect*. Well *grooms name* has been telling me how he's going to Bangor for a week!" *sit back and receive the laughs* B) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~~~ Posted November 5, 2015 Share Posted November 5, 2015 I've manged to fit in a joke about the marriage lasting longer than Celtic in europe 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BFTD Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Horrified by the news regarding Mozza sexing the kids In Mozza's defence, and as Fox News was mentioned earlier, I saw a DVD not long ago with a potentially disturbing ident consisting of the Fox Kids logo rotating while the phrase 'Fox Kids!' is repeated in the background. I put it to you that Moz nodded off at some point while one of these DVDs was on loop in the background, and the phrase was misinterpreted by his subconscious. Remand to a treatment facility seems the fairer option, Your Honour. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I've had a year to write my best man speech for my mates wedding this saturday. I have only started it tonight, and I don't have a clue what to write. Stand up and shout FORNICATION! *put glasses on* For an occasion.... They'll be putty in your hand.* *If you don't wear glasses, this joke doesn't work 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 "If I could just say a few words, I'd be a far better public speaker" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 "I asked for some advice on public speaking and was told to imagine my audience in the scud" < turn to bride > "But we don't always have to use our imagination eh?" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 (edited) Had wiffy smell in the house. Found a dead cat behind the cupboard. Was spewing while lifting out, maggots all over the place, poor thing(kids & wife get out the house). No ceremony, straight in the river Put flowers in the river next day.. next was today Edited November 6, 2015 by SlipperyP 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DA Baracus Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 You chucked a dead cat in the river? My older brother used to have chickens in his back garden. When one died he chucked it in the bin 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 DA. this was rancid it smelled like a Falkirk fan. & the bin was full, collection on Sunday 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Had wiffy smell in the house. Found a dead cat behind the cupboard. Was spewing while lifting out, maggots all over the place, poor thing(kids & wife get out the house). No ceremony, straight in the river Put flowers in the river next day.. next was today 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deeboy Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 That's probably the first time Lichtie has made me laugh, a beautifully placed image. I'll greenie you when I get on the pad. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I've had a year to write my best man speech for my mates wedding this saturday. I have only started it tonight, and I don't have a clue what to write. You're fucked. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 ImageUploadedByPie & Bovril1446804977.421361.jpg I really think you have to think before posting....Your EX, KKKpeado1888. ffs 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 You're fucked. Point at the groom while saying it. Short and sweet. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1320Lichtie Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I really think you have to think before posting....Your EX, KKKpeado1888. ffs And you're a fucking creepy weirdo that finds dead cats in your house in Thailand, where you've moved to after smothering yer da with a pillow... so forgive me for not taking advice from you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 As I believe the kids would say in this situation: Shots fired. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KnightswoodBear Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 I mention kids and Mozza turns up. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Dee Posted November 6, 2015 Share Posted November 6, 2015 Best mans speech? Easy, use this template. Opening line. Preferably some self deprecating humour. Audience now in palm of hand. Couple of one liners directed at the groom. Small piece on how they're( bride & groom) good c***s. Bride looks bonny today. Another zinger about the groom. Raise glesses. They're good c***s really. Teckle. No stickers, premium rate phone lines, motor vehicles or driving like a twat involved. Do I win £5? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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