Depression

[FK1Bairn]

15 hours ago, DA Baracus said:

Been back on fluoxetine for just over a month now. Was on it for about 18 months a few years back but then just decided to stop (the brain zaps were a bit crazy for a week but then nothing).

Unsure why I didn't get back on them sooner. Feel like it's really making a difference. Isn't a magic pill that cures everything, but it does pull me up to a platform where I'm more capable of tackling things. 

My mum died in February and I thought I was ok. However I was dealing with it unconsciously via my usual (awful) coping method, that being eating. I put on a bit of weight, on an already disgracefully/disgustingly/abysmally/shamefully/embarrassingly frame, without even being that aware of it. If I was tracking calories it would have been glaring clear, but I wasn't. It was a subconscious coping method I think. No excuse for how badly I've let myself down and how weak and disgusting and a piece of shit I've been, but I hope to try and bounce back so that I can at least attempt to try and have a semblance of a life, despite all I've missed due my disgusting weakness.

You done what you done at the time as a coping mechanism. That's human nature. What you've realised now is that you want to adjust your lifestyle to get you back to how you were pre your mum's death and for that you should be commending yourself, not beating yourself up. 

Take things one day at a time and you will get through this. Give yourself something to focus on each day even if that's only a 10 minute walk around the block. 

Good luck, keep your chin up

[TxRover]

6 hours ago, ++Ammo - Airdrie++ said:

This past weeks been one absolute f*cling brain melter. Had to phone in sick on Thursday/Friday for the first time since having flu in December 2020.  Totally work related aswell. I've worked hell of a hard the last few years in work and outside of it to do everything I can to help my mental state. Gave up drinking most weekends, managed to shift 5 stone In weight, got off the mirtazipine, ditched an opiod addiction etc etc.... But every so often ....  Bang. Think the last time was about January there, told the work I wanted to step down as manager, absolutely frying my brain. This has rumbled on getting the right replacement and apparently it's the 17th of July the new man starts.... Having been told every month since March, "next month".

Throw that in with the workload getting about 50% bigger with no extra staff (infact, lost 2) then it's just one big ballache.

Had to go back to the docs and get back on the propanolol, the physically anxiety is absolutely ridiculous, skin constantly feels like its crawling, have to psych myself up everytime to go to work, go on a site visit, go to a meeting, like honestly a 15 minute pep talk to try and get myself out. Horrible.

Excellent news that the replacement is finally in queue. That’s the first rung in that ladder assured, now to make sure you make it to that with minimal disruption. Sick days are there for use, not to save up, despite what management/owners/society like to say. As I’ve said before, 17% of the UK is on medications for depression, and very few realize it’s 15% for anxiety. The use of a medication when things snowball is smart, not what some ignorant people say. Recognizing the problem and taking action on it with your provider is a huge positive step, but given your description of the feelings, have you tried CBT. Adding that arrow to your arsenal might be a good choice, as it often proves effective in reducing perceived problems.

Keep up the positive reactions to issues arising, and 17 July will be here soon!

[SweeperDee]

I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit in terms of substance misuse, but instead of stimulants I’ve found myself using opioids like Oxycodone and Dihydrocodeine, alongside diazepam to try and numb myself. I potentially might have MS and with everything going on with my dad passing away, and my inability to process grief I just feel like I need to not feel anything. I don’t feel fatigue, pain, but I also don’t feel emotion anymore. However the lows, when they do come are crushing. I’ve said it before but in using drugs I have it in the back of my head that maybe just hopefully it’ll end up just ending it all suddenly. I don’t take so much that it would end up like that, I just kinda hope it’ll just happen. I’m back drinking as well and combined with everything else I really just don’t want to feel anything. I’m sick of worrying, feeling guilty and just constantly paralysed. 
 

Sorry for the ramble but I just needed to get it down. Even writing this whilst under the influence is difficult. I can barely type right now. 

[TxRover]

3 hours ago, SweeperDee said:

I’ve fallen off the wagon a bit in terms of substance misuse, but instead of stimulants I’ve found myself using opioids like Oxycodone and Dihydrocodeine, alongside diazepam to try and numb myself. I potentially might have MS and with everything going on with my dad passing away, and my inability to process grief I just feel like I need to not feel anything. I don’t feel fatigue, pain, but I also don’t feel emotion anymore. However the lows, when they do come are crushing. I’ve said it before but in using drugs I have it in the back of my head that maybe just hopefully it’ll end up just ending it all suddenly. I don’t take so much that it would end up like that, I just kinda hope it’ll just happen. I’m back drinking as well and combined with everything else I really just don’t want to feel anything. I’m sick of worrying, feeling guilty and just constantly paralysed. 
 

Sorry for the ramble but I just needed to get it down. Even writing this whilst under the influence is difficult. I can barely type right now. 

Right, if possible pause for now and rest. When you wake, it’s time to tackle the smallest snowball first. You know the problems and risk of combining the items you are right now, and someone is prescribing the diazepam, so maybe it’s time to reach out again and seek more help. An inability to process emotions is far from uncommon, and can be treated with a good counselor and trust…sometimes a difficult combination, but something you can find, especially with help. Calling 111 is a good option to contact people with experience in these issues, and they can help.

Writing it out here shows you understand your need and desire to get help…don’t discount the strength you have despite the fears and guilt. Calling someone to help you understand that the guilt is part of the mental health issue, and not something based upon actual guilt or something you should feel, will help you make the first steps and make them easier.

Stay safe, m8…we’re all here and all understand.

[pawpar]

Had an horrific last 18 months. In January 2022 my mother went into hospital after suffering a stroke she was then diagnosed as having dementia. My father then tried to kill me 3 times. Firstly by trying to punch me but because I punched him back that did not work. He then tried to make sure I could not escape from my bedroom by locking me in my bedroom when I was asleep and then removing the slates from the house so that if I tried to get out off the house via the window I would end up dead by crashing through the porch. Eventually he was admitted to stratheden in May 2022. My mother then came out of hospital on 1st July 2022. She would have came out earlier but because of the physical abuse my father dealt out with to both me and my mother she could not come home until my so called father was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My father was then due to come out in November but this was delayed until on 6th December 2022 I was informed on that date that my father passed away. My mother was crestfallen she had been married to him for 63 years. Since the 1st of July last year I have been looking after my mum as a full time carer. I am trying to do this as well as trying to hold down a full time job as well. Christ this is hard as a result of this my health is getting worse. I have now developed diabetes because I am looking after my mum and as a result can not get out of the house because I do not get any support from my 2 brothers who couldn't care less about my mum and just go on about her inhertance. I couldn't care less about any money. I would rather my mum lives until 100 than care less about any stupid inheritance. I was due to go to Norway 2 weeks ago after booking this trip when the fixtures got announced last year. I lost about £300 because my brothers are so bloody selfish. I would rather be with my mum though. Watched both games against Norway and Georgia with my mum and could never have been happier when I saw the look of joy on my mother's face when we won both those games. My mother because of her prognosis will only get worse. I love my mum and every night I cry myself to sleep because she does not deserve this. Everybody says I am doing a great job but I am not my mum just says every day that she would rather be dead. I say to her that she has 4 grandchildren who love her so much. I am crying while I am typing this because I worry about my mother. I am currently seeing a therapist and he is a great help. My health is getting worse because no one in my family is helping me and as well as developing diabetes I can not move my right arm because of lifting my mum that much. Fife council have been bloody brilliant but I feel that if I do not get help within the next 9 months then I will end up in hospital. This will mean that my mum will go in to care which I will fight tooth and nail to make sure this will not happen. Sorry for the rant but just thought I would like to vent. Love my mum.   

[BigBo10]

19 hours ago, pawpar said:

Had an horrific last 18 months. In January 2022 my mother went into hospital after suffering a stroke she was then diagnosed as having dementia. My father then tried to kill me 3 times. Firstly by trying to punch me but because I punched him back that did not work. He then tried to make sure I could not escape from my bedroom by locking me in my bedroom when I was asleep and then removing the slates from the house so that if I tried to get out off the house via the window I would end up dead by crashing through the porch. Eventually he was admitted to stratheden in May 2022. My mother then came out of hospital on 1st July 2022. She would have came out earlier but because of the physical abuse my father dealt out with to both me and my mother she could not come home until my so called father was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My father was then due to come out in November but this was delayed until on 6th December 2022 I was informed on that date that my father passed away. My mother was crestfallen she had been married to him for 63 years. Since the 1st of July last year I have been looking after my mum as a full time carer. I am trying to do this as well as trying to hold down a full time job as well. Christ this is hard as a result of this my health is getting worse. I have now developed diabetes because I am looking after my mum and as a result can not get out of the house because I do not get any support from my 2 brothers who couldn't care less about my mum and just go on about her inhertance. I couldn't care less about any money. I would rather my mum lives until 100 than care less about any stupid inheritance. I was due to go to Norway 2 weeks ago after booking this trip when the fixtures got announced last year. I lost about £300 because my brothers are so bloody selfish. I would rather be with my mum though. Watched both games against Norway and Georgia with my mum and could never have been happier when I saw the look of joy on my mother's face when we won both those games. My mother because of her prognosis will only get worse. I love my mum and every night I cry myself to sleep because she does not deserve this. Everybody says I am doing a great job but I am not my mum just says every day that she would rather be dead. I say to her that she has 4 grandchildren who love her so much. I am crying while I am typing this because I worry about my mother. I am currently seeing a therapist and he is a great help. My health is getting worse because no one in my family is helping me and as well as developing diabetes I can not move my right arm because of lifting my mum that much. Fife council have been bloody brilliant but I feel that if I do not get help within the next 9 months then I will end up in hospital. This will mean that my mum will go in to care which I will fight tooth and nail to make sure this will not happen. Sorry for the rant but just thought I would like to vent. Love my mum.   

Vent long and vent often pal. Sometimes these posts can be enough to release the stress and tension you’re feeling. Here is a safe space and (not me personally) there are a few who have suffered similar and will offer advice, support and words of comfort. Keep your head held high because hard as it is you’re doing a great thing. 

[Bigmouth Strikes Again]

On 01/07/2023 at 02:50, pawpar said:

Had an horrific last 18 months. In January 2022 my mother went into hospital after suffering a stroke she was then diagnosed as having dementia. My father then tried to kill me 3 times. Firstly by trying to punch me but because I punched him back that did not work. He then tried to make sure I could not escape from my bedroom by locking me in my bedroom when I was asleep and then removing the slates from the house so that if I tried to get out off the house via the window I would end up dead by crashing through the porch. Eventually he was admitted to stratheden in May 2022. My mother then came out of hospital on 1st July 2022. She would have came out earlier but because of the physical abuse my father dealt out with to both me and my mother she could not come home until my so called father was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My father was then due to come out in November but this was delayed until on 6th December 2022 I was informed on that date that my father passed away. My mother was crestfallen she had been married to him for 63 years. Since the 1st of July last year I have been looking after my mum as a full time carer. I am trying to do this as well as trying to hold down a full time job as well. Christ this is hard as a result of this my health is getting worse. I have now developed diabetes because I am looking after my mum and as a result can not get out of the house because I do not get any support from my 2 brothers who couldn't care less about my mum and just go on about her inhertance. I couldn't care less about any money. I would rather my mum lives until 100 than care less about any stupid inheritance. I was due to go to Norway 2 weeks ago after booking this trip when the fixtures got announced last year. I lost about £300 because my brothers are so bloody selfish. I would rather be with my mum though. Watched both games against Norway and Georgia with my mum and could never have been happier when I saw the look of joy on my mother's face when we won both those games. My mother because of her prognosis will only get worse. I love my mum and every night I cry myself to sleep because she does not deserve this. Everybody says I am doing a great job but I am not my mum just says every day that she would rather be dead. I say to her that she has 4 grandchildren who love her so much. I am crying while I am typing this because I worry about my mother. I am currently seeing a therapist and he is a great help. My health is getting worse because no one in my family is helping me and as well as developing diabetes I can not move my right arm because of lifting my mum that much. Fife council have been bloody brilliant but I feel that if I do not get help within the next 9 months then I will end up in hospital. This will mean that my mum will go in to care which I will fight tooth and nail to make sure this will not happen. Sorry for the rant but just thought I would like to vent. Love my mum.   

You need immediate help from Fife council, you should be getting carers coming in a couple of times a day, you getting paid carers allowance/attendance allowance? Its not much, but still something. Similar happened to me with my 'so called' sister walking away from the whole thing. I don't have a sister now. she is dead to me. I was lucky though as my Mrs is a retired nurse, and she has been brilliant, I'm working full time so I couldn't cope with it, it's just too much.

All the best, Dundee city council were a good help to me, hope you get the same help/support from Fife.

['WellDel]

On 01/07/2023 at 02:50, pawpar said:

Had an horrific last 18 months. In January 2022 my mother went into hospital after suffering a stroke she was then diagnosed as having dementia. My father then tried to kill me 3 times. Firstly by trying to punch me but because I punched him back that did not work. He then tried to make sure I could not escape from my bedroom by locking me in my bedroom when I was asleep and then removing the slates from the house so that if I tried to get out off the house via the window I would end up dead by crashing through the porch. Eventually he was admitted to stratheden in May 2022. My mother then came out of hospital on 1st July 2022. She would have came out earlier but because of the physical abuse my father dealt out with to both me and my mother she could not come home until my so called father was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My father was then due to come out in November but this was delayed until on 6th December 2022 I was informed on that date that my father passed away. My mother was crestfallen she had been married to him for 63 years. Since the 1st of July last year I have been looking after my mum as a full time carer. I am trying to do this as well as trying to hold down a full time job as well. Christ this is hard as a result of this my health is getting worse. I have now developed diabetes because I am looking after my mum and as a result can not get out of the house because I do not get any support from my 2 brothers who couldn't care less about my mum and just go on about her inhertance. I couldn't care less about any money. I would rather my mum lives until 100 than care less about any stupid inheritance. I was due to go to Norway 2 weeks ago after booking this trip when the fixtures got announced last year. I lost about £300 because my brothers are so bloody selfish. I would rather be with my mum though. Watched both games against Norway and Georgia with my mum and could never have been happier when I saw the look of joy on my mother's face when we won both those games. My mother because of her prognosis will only get worse. I love my mum and every night I cry myself to sleep because she does not deserve this. Everybody says I am doing a great job but I am not my mum just says every day that she would rather be dead. I say to her that she has 4 grandchildren who love her so much. I am crying while I am typing this because I worry about my mother. I am currently seeing a therapist and he is a great help. My health is getting worse because no one in my family is helping me and as well as developing diabetes I can not move my right arm because of lifting my mum that much. Fife council have been bloody brilliant but I feel that if I do not get help within the next 9 months then I will end up in hospital. This will mean that my mum will go in to care which I will fight tooth and nail to make sure this will not happen. Sorry for the rant but just thought I would like to vent. Love my mum.   

That's a helluva lot you've been through, and an enormous amount to deal with on your own. Huge respect to you for getting to where you are but it sounds like you need a wee break soon.

I'm sorry your family aren't of any help with your mum, have you considered or looked into the possibility of respite care? A couple of days or maybe a week where you know she will be well cared for and you can reset a wee bit physically and mentally could do you the world of good. Maybe worth checking what your local council etc have to offer and if you're eligible. 

Good luck to you, you're obviously a good person doing a very good and selfless thing for your mum, and keep posting here whenever you feel the need. A good rant never does any harm and there are always decent folk here to interact with.

[Moomintroll]

On 01/07/2023 at 02:50, pawpar said:

Had an horrific last 18 months. In January 2022 my mother went into hospital after suffering a stroke she was then diagnosed as having dementia. My father then tried to kill me 3 times. Firstly by trying to punch me but because I punched him back that did not work. He then tried to make sure I could not escape from my bedroom by locking me in my bedroom when I was asleep and then removing the slates from the house so that if I tried to get out off the house via the window I would end up dead by crashing through the porch. Eventually he was admitted to stratheden in May 2022. My mother then came out of hospital on 1st July 2022. She would have came out earlier but because of the physical abuse my father dealt out with to both me and my mother she could not come home until my so called father was admitted to a psychiatric ward. My father was then due to come out in November but this was delayed until on 6th December 2022 I was informed on that date that my father passed away. My mother was crestfallen she had been married to him for 63 years. Since the 1st of July last year I have been looking after my mum as a full time carer. I am trying to do this as well as trying to hold down a full time job as well. Christ this is hard as a result of this my health is getting worse. I have now developed diabetes because I am looking after my mum and as a result can not get out of the house because I do not get any support from my 2 brothers who couldn't care less about my mum and just go on about her inhertance. I couldn't care less about any money. I would rather my mum lives until 100 than care less about any stupid inheritance. I was due to go to Norway 2 weeks ago after booking this trip when the fixtures got announced last year. I lost about £300 because my brothers are so bloody selfish. I would rather be with my mum though. Watched both games against Norway and Georgia with my mum and could never have been happier when I saw the look of joy on my mother's face when we won both those games. My mother because of her prognosis will only get worse. I love my mum and every night I cry myself to sleep because she does not deserve this. Everybody says I am doing a great job but I am not my mum just says every day that she would rather be dead. I say to her that she has 4 grandchildren who love her so much. I am crying while I am typing this because I worry about my mother. I am currently seeing a therapist and he is a great help. My health is getting worse because no one in my family is helping me and as well as developing diabetes I can not move my right arm because of lifting my mum that much. Fife council have been bloody brilliant but I feel that if I do not get help within the next 9 months then I will end up in hospital. This will mean that my mum will go in to care which I will fight tooth and nail to make sure this will not happen. Sorry for the rant but just thought I would like to vent. Love my mum.   

Sorry pawpar, just saw your post but biggie is right. You should be getting visits/ Respite Care in these circunstances, if the Council or NHS Trust are being dicks then contact your MP/MSP office & suddenly things becone easier, especially if the local Meedja become involved. Vent any time you need to on here & dont worry about it, the worst time in my life was when I lost my mum, I, & many others on here, will help you through as best as we can if it comes to it. But for now, keep the heed up, hope for the best & enjoy every minute.

[LondonHMFC]

On 15/02/2023 at 09:05, LondonHMFC said:

Nearly six months on from that first session, and as I have said a couple of times on here, if it is something you are open to trying then I highly recommend doing it. 

It's funny reading that post back, I remember leaving her office and I felt a real intense joy, something that I hadn't had for some amount of time (probably without me realising), however over the six months some of the sessions have absolutely floored me, mentally and physically. 

It is definitely the best thing I have ever done in my life for "self improvement", to the point that I have just started my certificate in counselling, and then all being well do a degree. 

 

It is strange looking back at this post, in February I felt I had it all sussed out. The past few weeks have been utterly dreadful, a mix of anxiety and depression. I am still doing my certificate, and that has very much opened my eyes to things that I have gone through in my younger years and also adult life. 

I still see my counsellor most weeks (cut down a bit due to the ever increasing costs of life), and she has been a real blessing, but the other week revealed she is pregnant so we will be taking a break from October till about March next year. When she told me she asked how I felt, and I genuinely just felt very happy for her, but then the realisation started to set in that my person that I go to and talk to about all manner of things would be disappearing and I panicked. It is something we have been discussing in our past couple of sessions. I've told pretty much all my friendship group that I see a counsellor and they have been really good, but I do have this issue where I feel like my counsellor is the only person I actually listen to in regards to mental health. However one positive is that it has opened up my friendship group emotionally, and we now often check in on each other, and can have chats about things we previously wouldn't. 

What I have found with counselling is that I almost feel like I have gone back a few steps, I have been going for nearly a year now and I probably feel in bit of a worse state than when I started. I am aware that is purely down to the fact that I've suppressed so much over the past 30 odd years of my life and it is now coming to the surface. 

I never thought I struggled with depression, but it is probably something that has been there for a good few years now. I said to her that I feel like my life is almost like a line that has hit a plateau with a feint line behind that is going up and down like a heartbeat which are my emotions. I think the saddest thing for me at the moment is that I take no real joy out of anything in life, and it's a very difficult way to live life. I'd never thought about anti depressants, but it is definitely something I am considering at the moment. I am not suicidal by any means, but again in my last session I did admit that the thought of death was almost bit of a comfort. I've struggled with sleep for a few years now, and previously when I got into bed I'd replay a goal in my head. I'm not even sure it is a goal that has happened, but that was my comfort, replaying this goal on loop. However in recent months that goal has been replaced by a thought of dying, and it brings a relief that drops me off to sleep.  

I'm very aware that this is bit of a heavy post, but I guess I just wanted to check in. People probably read that quoted post and thought "Oh that's good he's fixed" but I am becoming ever aware that you're just permanently fixing yourself and it's a long old job. 

[TxRover]

19 hours ago, LondonHMFC said:

It is strange looking back at this post, in February I felt I had it all sussed out. The past few weeks have been utterly dreadful, a mix of anxiety and depression. I am still doing my certificate, and that has very much opened my eyes to things that I have gone through in my younger years and also adult life. 

I still see my counsellor most weeks (cut down a bit due to the ever increasing costs of life), and she has been a real blessing, but the other week revealed she is pregnant so we will be taking a break from October till about March next year. When she told me she asked how I felt, and I genuinely just felt very happy for her, but then the realisation started to set in that my person that I go to and talk to about all manner of things would be disappearing and I panicked. It is something we have been discussing in our past couple of sessions. I've told pretty much all my friendship group that I see a counsellor and they have been really good, but I do have this issue where I feel like my counsellor is the only person I actually listen to in regards to mental health. However one positive is that it has opened up my friendship group emotionally, and we now often check in on each other, and can have chats about things we previously wouldn't. 

What I have found with counselling is that I almost feel like I have gone back a few steps, I have been going for nearly a year now and I probably feel in bit of a worse state than when I started. I am aware that is purely down to the fact that I've suppressed so much over the past 30 odd years of my life and it is now coming to the surface. 

I never thought I struggled with depression, but it is probably something that has been there for a good few years now. I said to her that I feel like my life is almost like a line that has hit a plateau with a feint line behind that is going up and down like a heartbeat which are my emotions. I think the saddest thing for me at the moment is that I take no real joy out of anything in life, and it's a very difficult way to live life. I'd never thought about anti depressants, but it is definitely something I am considering at the moment. I am not suicidal by any means, but again in my last session I did admit that the thought of death was almost bit of a comfort. I've struggled with sleep for a few years now, and previously when I got into bed I'd replay a goal in my head. I'm not even sure it is a goal that has happened, but that was my comfort, replaying this goal on loop. However in recent months that goal has been replaced by a thought of dying, and it brings a relief that drops me off to sleep.  

I'm very aware that this is bit of a heavy post, but I guess I just wanted to check in. People probably read that quoted post and thought "Oh that's good he's fixed" but I am becoming ever aware that you're just permanently fixing yourself and it's a long old job. 

An excellent insight into the journey, and its potential ups and downs. I’ve just started seeing a new counselor recently, and am quite happy with their approach. As you say, there is a definite feeling you’ve potentially regressed as you surface things and try to reorder your beliefs in view of the new insight you’ve gained, but I think that it’s much more a feeling than a reality. It’s a matter of processing those feelings, thoughts, and experiences, and naturally it feels like reversion to previous issues, but your counselor and your insights have equipped you far better to deal with those issues.

I fully can see why a counselor stepping away for a period might be troublesome, but I’d try to look at it as an opportunity to get a slightly different perspective on things. Surely your counselor has a recommendation on another counselor you can use during her sabbatical, and you can work with her to find the best areas to focus on during this period with another counselor.

I’ve had the dubious pleasure of a number of counselors (for varying, mostly minor issues) over the years, and there is a certain amount of trepidation on initially meeting a counselor you haven’t met with before, but all the counselors I’ve talked with have had useful insights and been able to give me tools to address issues in everyday life. Not all were highly successful, but only one provided advice that turned out to be somewhat harmful…and, even then, that was my fault and not the counselors. I simply misapplied the concept, and failed to consider the potential downside to my implementation of what I viewed as the answer…and then failed to follow up properly with the counselor.

As you note, there isn’t so much a fix as an improvement of one’s position and mindset. It’s very important you understand just how far you have come, and that you don’t discount the difficultly in doing exactly that. You’re miles ahead for your willingness to seek counseling and continuing to attend. Keep up the good work, and you’re always welcome to come blather or seek reassurance or (non-professional) advice here.

[LondonHMFC]

On 15/07/2023 at 06:07, TxRover said:

An excellent insight into the journey, and its potential ups and downs. I’ve just started seeing a new counselor recently, and am quite happy with their approach. As you say, there is a definite feeling you’ve potentially regressed as you surface things and try to reorder your beliefs in view of the new insight you’ve gained, but I think that it’s much more a feeling than a reality. It’s a matter of processing those feelings, thoughts, and experiences, and naturally it feels like reversion to previous issues, but your counselor and your insights have equipped you far better to deal with those issues.

I fully can see why a counselor stepping away for a period might be troublesome, but I’d try to look at it as an opportunity to get a slightly different perspective on things. Surely your counselor has a recommendation on another counselor you can use during her sabbatical, and you can work with her to find the best areas to focus on during this period with another counselor.

I’ve had the dubious pleasure of a number of counselors (for varying, mostly minor issues) over the years, and there is a certain amount of trepidation on initially meeting a counselor you haven’t met with before, but all the counselors I’ve talked with have had useful insights and been able to give me tools to address issues in everyday life. Not all were highly successful, but only one provided advice that turned out to be somewhat harmful…and, even then, that was my fault and not the counselors. I simply misapplied the concept, and failed to consider the potential downside to my implementation of what I viewed as the answer…and then failed to follow up properly with the counselor.

As you note, there isn’t so much a fix as an improvement of one’s position and mindset. It’s very important you understand just how far you have come, and that you don’t discount the difficultly in doing exactly that. You’re miles ahead for your willingness to seek counseling and continuing to attend. Keep up the good work, and you’re always welcome to come blather or seek reassurance or (non-professional) advice here.

Really appreciate the reply, it's quite funny but obviously I posted the above and I could see there had been a reply and due to anxiety levels it took me a few days to even come back into the topic. 

I don't think I'd see another counsellor in that period of her being away, mainly as I don't want to start from scratch as such. I think I was very lucky that the first one I have met I have been able to open up with relative ease. 

I mentioned to her in my previous session that I felt like I had regressed and that certain topics which I think are in truth a bit fucking ridiculous are always at the forefront of our chat. I said that we had been seeing each other for nearly a year now, and topics at the beginning are still there, but she made a really good point by saying that because we're essentially experiencing these things together, we can now make links. There are things she is able to see which all add up, and that gave me a bit of comfort. 

Again, thank you for the reply, it's bit of a bleak look, but at times it is nice to know that others are facing similar struggles.

[Smurph]

I've had a bit of a shite year ngl. My dad passed away in October pretty suddenly and shortly after my partner of five years and I broke up. I've posted on here a few times and then deleted it because I just feel like I'm complaining, but I think I mentioned my dad on the cancer thread. I've always had problems opening up but I need to face the reality because I feel like I'm on a path of self-destruction.

I spoke to a doctor around this time last year before anything kicked off; it was fine and after a 20 minute chat I was offered anti-depressants. I'm not against medication, my mum has taken them recently and my dad was on fluoxetine for years, but I didn't go back because it felt almost like I was being dismissed and that was the easy option. Here are some happy pills; off you pop. Then obviously shit hit the fan. Two months ago I spoke to the mental health people at university, spoke for about two hours, and was then referred to the counselling department. I didn't get back to them until this morning and I can't believe that it's been two whole months.

I'm a bit concerned about university; I'm about to enter my final year but have a few re-sits (first attempts that I never sat) coming up and I just have no real motivation to do any of the work. I am capable and I've had good grades so far but I don't find education 'fun' and I can't stop thinking that going back to uni has just been a complete waste of my time. I do enjoy my subject matter but I hate researching, writing reports, etc. (and I've got a fucking dissertation to write). I'm definitely better at learning by doing but the pandemic put a stop to that. All my previous jobs have been customer-focussed, where I'm moving about on my feet, talking, physically doing things, and the thought of having to sit in front of a computer all day makes me incredibly sad. I know that there will be work out there that's not like that, but it's all so different from what I've done before, and I can't help but feel that this isn't what I want to do; but I've felt like that my whole life.

I never had a brilliant relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was around four and I'd see him twice a week after school, then usually over the weekend when I got a bit older. He was a very private person and since his passing I've learned a lot more about him than maybe he ever wanted me to know. Some of it is uncomfortable and not for here, and clearing his house was difficult (I hadn't been in for five years at least) but it at least put a few things together. I remember him telling me once when I was younger that he'd made attempts to kill himself, and the state that his house was in was that of a man who had simply lost the will to live.

What worries me the most is that I feel like I'm turning into him. I've always been surrounded by alcohol and drugs, with both my mum and dad pretty much being functional alcoholics, amongst other things. I wasn't into underage drinking because of the whole rigmarole and the state that my parents would get into, but my drinking habits now are simply to help endure the brutality of existence, and I suppose that's just how I've been brought up. I just can't stop myself from ripping the utter c**t out of it. I'm constantly lying to myself and to others, saying that I'll drink less or whatever, but over the last few months it's just gotten worse. It's a vicious, nasty cycle, and I wish I was able to feel happiness without the need to drink.

Recently I've noticed myself taking painkillers alongside drinking. Last Thursday, I had a few beers and some rum, and then starting taking co-codamol "just to see what happens". What happened is I fell asleep at 7:30, woke up at midnight, and spent the next six hours doing exactly the same. I've never seen bile that colour before. I pretty much did the same yesterday, drinking on an empty stomach and a few painkillers. This time I was out with friends, and whilst I wasn't sick this morning, I feel nothing but utter dread and a want to start drinking again. I feel like I'm subconsciously, but maybe intentionally, slowly killing myself.

I have a lot to deal with just now and it feels unsurmountable. I feel like I've completely regressed over the last year and I'm aware there are positives and things to look forward to, it's very difficult to look forward. Whenever I do manage to motivate myself to do something positive, I'm just reminded of all the other shite I have to do. In January I wanted it to be May, so that I'd finished my year at uni and can enjoy the summer, clear my head and get shit done. It's now July and I've spent the last two months just feeling sorry for myself and in a pit of despair, and now I only have a few weeks to do my uni work, which I currently just don't feel capable of on top of everything else I have going on.

I don't really have a conclusion. I could sit for hours just typing and I feel like I've only just brushed the surface but I suppose that's what counselling is for. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon and can move forward because I would like to stop this behaviour and to stop feeling this way.

[Venti]

19 minutes ago, Smurph said:

I've had a bit of a shite year ngl. My dad passed away in October pretty suddenly and shortly after my partner of five years and I broke up. I've posted on here a few times and then deleted it because I just feel like I'm complaining, but I think I mentioned my dad on the cancer thread. I've always had problems opening up but I need to face the reality because I feel like I'm on a path of self-destruction.

I spoke to a doctor around this time last year before anything kicked off; it was fine and after a 20 minute chat I was offered anti-depressants. I'm not against medication, my mum has taken them recently and my dad was on fluoxetine for years, but I didn't go back because it felt almost like I was being dismissed and that was the easy option. Here are some happy pills; off you pop. Then obviously shit hit the fan. Two months ago I spoke to the mental health people at university, spoke for about two hours, and was then referred to the counselling department. I didn't get back to them until this morning and I can't believe that it's been two whole months.

I'm a bit concerned about university; I'm about to enter my final year but have a few re-sits (first attempts that I never sat) coming up and I just have no real motivation to do any of the work. I am capable and I've had good grades so far but I don't find education 'fun' and I can't stop thinking that going back to uni has just been a complete waste of my time. I do enjoy my subject matter but I hate researching, writing reports, etc. (and I've got a fucking dissertation to write). I'm definitely better at learning by doing but the pandemic put a stop to that. All my previous jobs have been customer-focussed, where I'm moving about on my feet, talking, physically doing things, and the thought of having to sit in front of a computer all day makes me incredibly sad. I know that there will be work out there that's not like that, but it's all so different from what I've done before, and I can't help but feel that this isn't what I want to do; but I've felt like that my whole life.

I never had a brilliant relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was around four and I'd see him twice a week after school, then usually over the weekend when I got a bit older. He was a very private person and since his passing I've learned a lot more about him than maybe he ever wanted me to know. Some of it is uncomfortable and not for here, and clearing his house was difficult (I hadn't been in for five years at least) but it at least put a few things together. I remember him telling me once when I was younger that he'd made attempts to kill himself, and the state that his house was in was that of a man who had simply lost the will to live.

What worries me the most is that I feel like I'm turning into him. I've always been surrounded by alcohol and drugs, with both my mum and dad pretty much being functional alcoholics, amongst other things. I wasn't into underage drinking because of the whole rigmarole and the state that my parents would get into, but my drinking habits now are simply to help endure the brutality of existence, and I suppose that's just how I've been brought up. I just can't stop myself from ripping the utter c**t out of it. I'm constantly lying to myself and to others, saying that I'll drink less or whatever, but over the last few months it's just gotten worse. It's a vicious, nasty cycle, and I wish I was able to feel happiness without the need to drink.

Recently I've noticed myself taking painkillers alongside drinking. Last Thursday, I had a few beers and some rum, and then starting taking co-codamol "just to see what happens". What happened is I fell asleep at 7:30, woke up at midnight, and spent the next six hours doing exactly the same. I've never seen bile that colour before. I pretty much did the same yesterday, drinking on an empty stomach and a few painkillers. This time I was out with friends, and whilst I wasn't sick this morning, I feel nothing but utter dread and a want to start drinking again. I feel like I'm subconsciously, but maybe intentionally, slowly killing myself.

I have a lot to deal with just now and it feels unsurmountable. I feel like I've completely regressed over the last year and I'm aware there are positives and things to look forward to, it's very difficult to look forward. Whenever I do manage to motivate myself to do something positive, I'm just reminded of all the other shite I have to do. In January I wanted it to be May, so that I'd finished my year at uni and can enjoy the summer, clear my head and get shit done. It's now July and I've spent the last two months just feeling sorry for myself and in a pit of despair, and now I only have a few weeks to do my uni work, which I currently just don't feel capable of on top of everything else I have going on.

I don't really have a conclusion. I could sit for hours just typing and I feel like I've only just brushed the surface but I suppose that's what counselling is for. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon and can move forward because I would like to stop this behaviour and to stop feeling this way.

So sorry you've been through the ringer.

Defo see a doctor if you're planning on coming off the drink, its really dangerous to have sudden withdrawal.

Wish I had some advice regarding the other family issues, perhaps someone on here can chime in.

Stay strong brother.

[LondonHMFC]

1 hour ago, Smurph said:

I've had a bit of a shite year ngl. My dad passed away in October pretty suddenly and shortly after my partner of five years and I broke up. I've posted on here a few times and then deleted it because I just feel like I'm complaining, but I think I mentioned my dad on the cancer thread. I've always had problems opening up but I need to face the reality because I feel like I'm on a path of self-destruction.

I spoke to a doctor around this time last year before anything kicked off; it was fine and after a 20 minute chat I was offered anti-depressants. I'm not against medication, my mum has taken them recently and my dad was on fluoxetine for years, but I didn't go back because it felt almost like I was being dismissed and that was the easy option. Here are some happy pills; off you pop. Then obviously shit hit the fan. Two months ago I spoke to the mental health people at university, spoke for about two hours, and was then referred to the counselling department. I didn't get back to them until this morning and I can't believe that it's been two whole months.

I'm a bit concerned about university; I'm about to enter my final year but have a few re-sits (first attempts that I never sat) coming up and I just have no real motivation to do any of the work. I am capable and I've had good grades so far but I don't find education 'fun' and I can't stop thinking that going back to uni has just been a complete waste of my time. I do enjoy my subject matter but I hate researching, writing reports, etc. (and I've got a fucking dissertation to write). I'm definitely better at learning by doing but the pandemic put a stop to that. All my previous jobs have been customer-focussed, where I'm moving about on my feet, talking, physically doing things, and the thought of having to sit in front of a computer all day makes me incredibly sad. I know that there will be work out there that's not like that, but it's all so different from what I've done before, and I can't help but feel that this isn't what I want to do; but I've felt like that my whole life.

I never had a brilliant relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was around four and I'd see him twice a week after school, then usually over the weekend when I got a bit older. He was a very private person and since his passing I've learned a lot more about him than maybe he ever wanted me to know. Some of it is uncomfortable and not for here, and clearing his house was difficult (I hadn't been in for five years at least) but it at least put a few things together. I remember him telling me once when I was younger that he'd made attempts to kill himself, and the state that his house was in was that of a man who had simply lost the will to live.

What worries me the most is that I feel like I'm turning into him. I've always been surrounded by alcohol and drugs, with both my mum and dad pretty much being functional alcoholics, amongst other things. I wasn't into underage drinking because of the whole rigmarole and the state that my parents would get into, but my drinking habits now are simply to help endure the brutality of existence, and I suppose that's just how I've been brought up. I just can't stop myself from ripping the utter c**t out of it. I'm constantly lying to myself and to others, saying that I'll drink less or whatever, but over the last few months it's just gotten worse. It's a vicious, nasty cycle, and I wish I was able to feel happiness without the need to drink.

Recently I've noticed myself taking painkillers alongside drinking. Last Thursday, I had a few beers and some rum, and then starting taking co-codamol "just to see what happens". What happened is I fell asleep at 7:30, woke up at midnight, and spent the next six hours doing exactly the same. I've never seen bile that colour before. I pretty much did the same yesterday, drinking on an empty stomach and a few painkillers. This time I was out with friends, and whilst I wasn't sick this morning, I feel nothing but utter dread and a want to start drinking again. I feel like I'm subconsciously, but maybe intentionally, slowly killing myself.

I have a lot to deal with just now and it feels unsurmountable. I feel like I've completely regressed over the last year and I'm aware there are positives and things to look forward to, it's very difficult to look forward. Whenever I do manage to motivate myself to do something positive, I'm just reminded of all the other shite I have to do. In January I wanted it to be May, so that I'd finished my year at uni and can enjoy the summer, clear my head and get shit done. It's now July and I've spent the last two months just feeling sorry for myself and in a pit of despair, and now I only have a few weeks to do my uni work, which I currently just don't feel capable of on top of everything else I have going on.

I don't really have a conclusion. I could sit for hours just typing and I feel like I've only just brushed the surface but I suppose that's what counselling is for. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon and can move forward because I would like to stop this behaviour and to stop feeling this way.

The conclusion is that you've noticed the problem, which is a massive step in itself. You also seem to want to make a change which again is massive step forward. Can completely relate to the motivation part of the post, it's a horrible feeling. 

As I and others have said previously, counselling is a brilliant thing, and I'd say just keep chasing as much as you can. If you ever want to chat about things, feel free to drop us a message. 

[TxRover]

4 hours ago, LondonHMFC said:

Really appreciate the reply, it's quite funny but obviously I posted the above and I could see there had been a reply and due to anxiety levels it took me a few days to even come back into the topic. 

I don't think I'd see another counsellor in that period of her being away, mainly as I don't want to start from scratch as such. I think I was very lucky that the first one I have met I have been able to open up with relative ease. 

I mentioned to her in my previous session that I felt like I had regressed and that certain topics which I think are in truth a bit fucking ridiculous are always at the forefront of our chat. I said that we had been seeing each other for nearly a year now, and topics at the beginning are still there, but she made a really good point by saying that because we're essentially experiencing these things together, we can now make links. There are things she is able to see which all add up, and that gave me a bit of comfort. 

Again, thank you for the reply, it's bit of a bleak look, but at times it is nice to know that others are facing similar struggles.

Sorry if you found the reply a bit bleak, but I try to be honest. Counselling is indeed a journey, and something the destination seems to constantly move away. I’ve spent several long periods without needing to see someone, but the end of a 23 year relationship will derail anything. I’m lucky in that my lows are (mostly) mild, and the skills I’ve learnt from several counsellors have greatly assisted me in dealing with the day to day. The one thing that counsellors can provide that I notice the most is a non-judgemental board to bang questions off. Notice I don’t say they answer, because that’s exactly their trick, is getting you to answer the question you’ve been avoiding answering to yourself.

Because of this, it can be tedious and/or slow to progress in some areas, but it does equip you going forward. I still would discuss the idea of a second counsellor, during the absence of your first counsellor, with her. There are ways to still move forward without needing the whole backstory, especially if the new counsellor and you focus on tools.

[TxRover]

2 hours ago, Smurph said:

I've had a bit of a shite year ngl. My dad passed away in October pretty suddenly and shortly after my partner of five years and I broke up. I've posted on here a few times and then deleted it because I just feel like I'm complaining, but I think I mentioned my dad on the cancer thread. I've always had problems opening up but I need to face the reality because I feel like I'm on a path of self-destruction.

I spoke to a doctor around this time last year before anything kicked off; it was fine and after a 20 minute chat I was offered anti-depressants. I'm not against medication, my mum has taken them recently and my dad was on fluoxetine for years, but I didn't go back because it felt almost like I was being dismissed and that was the easy option. Here are some happy pills; off you pop. Then obviously shit hit the fan. Two months ago I spoke to the mental health people at university, spoke for about two hours, and was then referred to the counselling department. I didn't get back to them until this morning and I can't believe that it's been two whole months.

I'm a bit concerned about university; I'm about to enter my final year but have a few re-sits (first attempts that I never sat) coming up and I just have no real motivation to do any of the work. I am capable and I've had good grades so far but I don't find education 'fun' and I can't stop thinking that going back to uni has just been a complete waste of my time. I do enjoy my subject matter but I hate researching, writing reports, etc. (and I've got a fucking dissertation to write). I'm definitely better at learning by doing but the pandemic put a stop to that. All my previous jobs have been customer-focussed, where I'm moving about on my feet, talking, physically doing things, and the thought of having to sit in front of a computer all day makes me incredibly sad. I know that there will be work out there that's not like that, but it's all so different from what I've done before, and I can't help but feel that this isn't what I want to do; but I've felt like that my whole life.

I never had a brilliant relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was around four and I'd see him twice a week after school, then usually over the weekend when I got a bit older. He was a very private person and since his passing I've learned a lot more about him than maybe he ever wanted me to know. Some of it is uncomfortable and not for here, and clearing his house was difficult (I hadn't been in for five years at least) but it at least put a few things together. I remember him telling me once when I was younger that he'd made attempts to kill himself, and the state that his house was in was that of a man who had simply lost the will to live.

What worries me the most is that I feel like I'm turning into him. I've always been surrounded by alcohol and drugs, with both my mum and dad pretty much being functional alcoholics, amongst other things. I wasn't into underage drinking because of the whole rigmarole and the state that my parents would get into, but my drinking habits now are simply to help endure the brutality of existence, and I suppose that's just how I've been brought up. I just can't stop myself from ripping the utter c**t out of it. I'm constantly lying to myself and to others, saying that I'll drink less or whatever, but over the last few months it's just gotten worse. It's a vicious, nasty cycle, and I wish I was able to feel happiness without the need to drink.

Recently I've noticed myself taking painkillers alongside drinking. Last Thursday, I had a few beers and some rum, and then starting taking co-codamol "just to see what happens". What happened is I fell asleep at 7:30, woke up at midnight, and spent the next six hours doing exactly the same. I've never seen bile that colour before. I pretty much did the same yesterday, drinking on an empty stomach and a few painkillers. This time I was out with friends, and whilst I wasn't sick this morning, I feel nothing but utter dread and a want to start drinking again. I feel like I'm subconsciously, but maybe intentionally, slowly killing myself.

I have a lot to deal with just now and it feels unsurmountable. I feel like I've completely regressed over the last year and I'm aware there are positives and things to look forward to, it's very difficult to look forward. Whenever I do manage to motivate myself to do something positive, I'm just reminded of all the other shite I have to do. In January I wanted it to be May, so that I'd finished my year at uni and can enjoy the summer, clear my head and get shit done. It's now July and I've spent the last two months just feeling sorry for myself and in a pit of despair, and now I only have a few weeks to do my uni work, which I currently just don't feel capable of on top of everything else I have going on.

I don't really have a conclusion. I could sit for hours just typing and I feel like I've only just brushed the surface but I suppose that's what counselling is for. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon and can move forward because I would like to stop this behaviour and to stop feeling this way.

Action is the antidote to inaction and paralysis. You have started the ball rolling, and will find there are people and resources you had no idea existed as you move down this path. There will be setbacks, there always are, but as is noted above, recognising the need for help is always the first step in getting the help. The advice on getting off those pills and the drink is dead on, as a sudden stop can be traumatic both mentally and physically.

[scottsdad]

2 hours ago, Smurph said:

I've had a bit of a shite year ngl. My dad passed away in October pretty suddenly and shortly after my partner of five years and I broke up. I've posted on here a few times and then deleted it because I just feel like I'm complaining, but I think I mentioned my dad on the cancer thread. I've always had problems opening up but I need to face the reality because I feel like I'm on a path of self-destruction.

I spoke to a doctor around this time last year before anything kicked off; it was fine and after a 20 minute chat I was offered anti-depressants. I'm not against medication, my mum has taken them recently and my dad was on fluoxetine for years, but I didn't go back because it felt almost like I was being dismissed and that was the easy option. Here are some happy pills; off you pop. Then obviously shit hit the fan. Two months ago I spoke to the mental health people at university, spoke for about two hours, and was then referred to the counselling department. I didn't get back to them until this morning and I can't believe that it's been two whole months.

I'm a bit concerned about university; I'm about to enter my final year but have a few re-sits (first attempts that I never sat) coming up and I just have no real motivation to do any of the work. I am capable and I've had good grades so far but I don't find education 'fun' and I can't stop thinking that going back to uni has just been a complete waste of my time. I do enjoy my subject matter but I hate researching, writing reports, etc. (and I've got a fucking dissertation to write). I'm definitely better at learning by doing but the pandemic put a stop to that. All my previous jobs have been customer-focussed, where I'm moving about on my feet, talking, physically doing things, and the thought of having to sit in front of a computer all day makes me incredibly sad. I know that there will be work out there that's not like that, but it's all so different from what I've done before, and I can't help but feel that this isn't what I want to do; but I've felt like that my whole life.

I never had a brilliant relationship with my dad. My parents got divorced when I was around four and I'd see him twice a week after school, then usually over the weekend when I got a bit older. He was a very private person and since his passing I've learned a lot more about him than maybe he ever wanted me to know. Some of it is uncomfortable and not for here, and clearing his house was difficult (I hadn't been in for five years at least) but it at least put a few things together. I remember him telling me once when I was younger that he'd made attempts to kill himself, and the state that his house was in was that of a man who had simply lost the will to live.

What worries me the most is that I feel like I'm turning into him. I've always been surrounded by alcohol and drugs, with both my mum and dad pretty much being functional alcoholics, amongst other things. I wasn't into underage drinking because of the whole rigmarole and the state that my parents would get into, but my drinking habits now are simply to help endure the brutality of existence, and I suppose that's just how I've been brought up. I just can't stop myself from ripping the utter c**t out of it. I'm constantly lying to myself and to others, saying that I'll drink less or whatever, but over the last few months it's just gotten worse. It's a vicious, nasty cycle, and I wish I was able to feel happiness without the need to drink.

Recently I've noticed myself taking painkillers alongside drinking. Last Thursday, I had a few beers and some rum, and then starting taking co-codamol "just to see what happens". What happened is I fell asleep at 7:30, woke up at midnight, and spent the next six hours doing exactly the same. I've never seen bile that colour before. I pretty much did the same yesterday, drinking on an empty stomach and a few painkillers. This time I was out with friends, and whilst I wasn't sick this morning, I feel nothing but utter dread and a want to start drinking again. I feel like I'm subconsciously, but maybe intentionally, slowly killing myself.

I have a lot to deal with just now and it feels unsurmountable. I feel like I've completely regressed over the last year and I'm aware there are positives and things to look forward to, it's very difficult to look forward. Whenever I do manage to motivate myself to do something positive, I'm just reminded of all the other shite I have to do. In January I wanted it to be May, so that I'd finished my year at uni and can enjoy the summer, clear my head and get shit done. It's now July and I've spent the last two months just feeling sorry for myself and in a pit of despair, and now I only have a few weeks to do my uni work, which I currently just don't feel capable of on top of everything else I have going on.

I don't really have a conclusion. I could sit for hours just typing and I feel like I've only just brushed the surface but I suppose that's what counselling is for. Hopefully I'll hear back from them soon and can move forward because I would like to stop this behaviour and to stop feeling this way.

On the uni work, there is some advice I can offer. 

First, you are by no means the first student in this situation. So don't feel for a second that you are entering new waters. 

Having been absent at the first attempt, I'm assuming you have mitigating circumstances or similar? For most unis, this means that the resit is actually the first attempt. But, crucially, if you are still suffering from the circumstances (and it sounds like you do) you should be able to apply again. Should you do this you would be able to take these assessments in the next academic year.  If you didn't get an MC first time around, you still can for the resit. 

The pros of this are that it gives you time and space to work on your own issues, then tackle these assessments at a time when you are better able to. If this is ongoing, you could also apply for a temporary suspension of studies which effectively pauses your studies until you are better. 

The cons: your graduation is pushed back a year, and some folk find that hard to take, and worry about what to say to people. 

It's good you are in touch with the counseling service. Also talk to your personal tutor/academic mentor (whatever the term is at your uni). 

On the dissertation, it's just like eating an elephant. One bite at a time. Don't concern yourself with the size of the finished product. 

Drop me a PM if you want to discuss any of this further. I know this is more practical advice than emotional support, but I hope it helps. 

[TxRover]

33 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

On the uni work, there is some advice I can offer. 

First, you are by no means the first student in this situation. So don't feel for a second that you are entering new waters. 

Having been absent at the first attempt, I'm assuming you have mitigating circumstances or similar? For most unis, this means that the resit is actually the first attempt. But, crucially, if you are still suffering from the circumstances (and it sounds like you do) you should be able to apply again. Should you do this you would be able to take these assessments in the next academic year.  If you didn't get an MC first time around, you still can for the resit. 

The pros of this are that it gives you time and space to work on your own issues, then tackle these assessments at a time when you are better able to. If this is ongoing, you could also apply for a temporary suspension of studies which effectively pauses your studies until you are better. 

The cons: your graduation is pushed back a year, and some folk find that hard to take, and worry about what to say to people. 

It's good you are in touch with the counseling service. Also talk to your personal tutor/academic mentor (whatever the term is at your uni). 

On the dissertation, it's just like eating an elephant. One bite at a time. Don't concern yourself with the size of the finished product. 

Drop me a PM if you want to discuss any of this further. I know this is more practical advice than emotional support, but I hope it helps. 

This is the beauty of P&B, despite often being a bunch of confused and annoyed fitba fans, we can provide solid, inside information for people in need of the same. Excellent and cogent response from someone in the field.

[Raidernation]

Hello all, update time.

Had a hard couple of months, what with the death of a student and way too many anniversaries/birthdays, but I made it through by reaching out and asking for help (not something I've been very good at in the past). Also I avoided any "high risk" situations that I could, such as a "visitation", funeral, after-graduation and end of school year staff get-togethers, grandson's birthday party and "half-birthday" party for granddaughter (birthday is Christmas day) because lots of drinking/drinkers present at all these.

Was asked by the school's director if I'd been drinking again as I had to take a day off for sickness and diarrhea and several people noticed tremors (all previous signs of relapse). It's frustrating but understandable, so now I have to go over and above to keep them convinced (and not go down the previous route of "well if you think I'm drinking I might as fucking well)

Have had my therapist and IOP counselor get in contact with the school so hopefully that helps. I'm not concerned anyway now, I was really pissed off at the time but I have calmed down now, and I have to go pee in a cup tomorrow as part of my IOP so there'll be supporting evidence.

Now passed 5 months sober, but as scottsdad says it's like eating an elephant, one bite/day/hour at a time.

As a serial relapser who's been in residential/PHP/IOP many times I just want people to know that just because you fall down doesn't mean you can't get up. Someone once said (and I believed it for a while) that my history of treatment was a sign of failure, these days I see it as a sign of strength in that I will never stop trying.

Stay strong my friends.