topcat(The most tip top) Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 I quite like a bar queue. Stops lassies getting served before it's their turn because they are fluttering their lashes at the barman. Of course the advantage is reversed with female bar staff.Or gay dudesAnd actually not all female bar staff 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
welshbairn Posted November 19, 2017 Share Posted November 19, 2017 3 hours ago, Widge said: Fluttering the eyelashes never worked when I worked behind a bar. Tits on the other hand do work, sets a dangerous precedent though, old boys try that and we've got a bit of an issue! If the bar's busy I used to bias towards heterosexual men who normally drink pints, f**k doing cocktails and the like. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shotgun Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 3 hours ago, welshbairn said: If the bar's busy I used to bias towards heterosexual men who normally drink pints, f**k doing cocktails and the like. Thank you for that. Long before I became a moany old git, I was a moany young git and often made the argument that there should be a special serving queue for people who... a) Know what they're going to order. Not just for themselves but for everyone in the round they're purchasing. b) Are ordering drinks with no more than 1 ingredient. c) Understand that Guinness takes longer to pour than most other drinks and therefore should be ordered first. d) Can grasp the concept that drinks aren't free and will have the means of payment ready before the drink order is complete. There should be a one-and-done rule for any contravention of these rules. Offenders will be barred for life from using the special serving queue and will be relegated to using the scrum at the other end of the bar where they can take their chances with the hen nights, underage drinkers, office parties and Jager bombers. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 2 minutes ago, throbber said: I don’t like the wankfest that comes with blue planet etc, think it’s over rated and not a fair reflection of what really goes on in the ocean. Well said throbber. I think it's made up shite, to make fish look good. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 5 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Its too early for this silliness so I will give you the benefit of the doubt and pretend you didnt badmouth Sir David or one of the finest documentaries ever made. He doesn't even do any of the work. At least Jacques Cousteau got in the water. I've learned one thing though, big fish eat wee fish...who knew? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MONKMAN Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 It’s not all fun and games down there. A pilot whale carried its dead calf around for weeks after poisoning it with her own milk, due to toxins found in the oceans as a result of plastic waste. The Planet Series documentaries are up there with the greatest achievements on television. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 How incredibly sorrowing. Humans taking great delight sitting on their arse taking wonder at how we're fucking killing everything around us."did ye see that whale thing last night Chelsea?""a pure did Rochene, a wiz in bits. go help me flush these tampons and various plastic containers doon the shitter hen" 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 5 hours ago, Shotgun said: Thank you for that. Long before I became a moany old git, I was a moany young git and often made the argument that there should be a special serving queue for people who... a) Know what they're going to order. Not just for themselves but for everyone in the round they're purchasing. b) Are ordering drinks with no more than 1 ingredient. c) Understand that Guinness takes longer to pour than most other drinks and therefore should be ordered first.d) Can grasp the concept that drinks aren't free and will have the means of payment ready before the drink order is complete. There should be a one-and-done rule for any contravention of these rules. Offenders will be barred for life from using the special serving queue and will be relegated to using the scrum at the other end of the bar where they can take their chances with the hen nights, underage drinkers, office parties and Jager bombers. e) When the person returning change stands for more than 30 seconds with the change in their hand because Mr Idiot has turned and started a conversation with someone, and this idiot requires someoone to tap then on the shoulder so they turn and get their change. Paying for a three or four drinks with a twenty normally results in change, almost as bad as not having the sense to know you have to pay. If they hold the change out for 30 seconds and you are too self absorbed or stupid to take it the staff should be allowed to keep it as an Idiot Tax. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Mr Idiot has turned and started a conversation with someone Also:"Who's next?""I think you were""Nah you were""You sure?""Aye""Was she ahead of us then?"... Such incompetence hould be punished with complete rejection, with the barman moving on to somebody else after a generous three second window for hesitation, which quite frequently happens (one for the Reasons to be Cheerful thread I suppose) 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
whiskychimp Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 1 hour ago, throbber said: It’s not all fun and games down there. I agree. Disney documentaries seem to be a bit more indepth into the dangers that lie below. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Connolly Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 9 hours ago, G_Man1985 said: This can't be you learning this now ? It’s not, but it seems to get longer and longer each time. I realise I am getting a bit Homer Simpson 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 42 minutes ago, whiskychimp said: I agree. Disney documentaries seem to be a bit more indepth into the dangers that lie below. Horrific club photos thread for this. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 3 hours ago, Bairnardo said: The absolute worst pub/bar behaviour is being caught behind someone who orders a fucking latte or something. Serves you fucking right for being a bar that sells latte, ffs. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Serves you fucking right for being a bar that sells latte, ffs. I must have waited 10 mins in the wee café at Dundee train station two weekends ago wanting to buy nothing more than a bottle of Irn Bru. Hearing my train's arrival was imminent, I quickly asked if I could get served ahead of the wifey waiting on her fancy coffee being made (saying that I had the exact change in hand), but was told to wait. Forced to put it back in order to get on the train, I had waited 10+ mins in a queue of three coffee drinkers not to buy a bottle of juice. To rub salt in the wound, the on-board refreshments had been stopped at Edinburgh. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 Was the shop behind you (WH Smith I think) shut? Sundays in the 21st Century during some form of renovation I think. Had to make do with the wee thing pretty much on the platform. Eta: You've evidently got a lucky greenie courtesy of my fat fingers trying to use the mobile app. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IainMorton Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 People (girls) that sit in the office with jackets and hats on, moaning about the cold. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 18 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Everywhere does these days. One bartender stood by an auld machine he can barely work trying to steam milk for some boot who could easily have fucked off to starbucks Internet problems here......You say everywhere? I say f**k off, you trying to tell me every boozer sells latte? If so, I'm noo coming back, even how much the kids ask. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 6 minutes ago, IainMorton said: People (girls) that sit in the office with jackets and hats on, moaning about the cold. They want a cuddle, wtf is happened my country! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SlipperyP Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 4 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Ok not every single pub, of course there are some proper ones left but as per the thread about the number of pubs turning into bar/grill type places, there not many that haven't got a big stupid machine that takes several minutes to produce a cup of overpriced shite Shirley, you have skilled staff to serve others while this "machine" takes it time. ps can you still snork lines of dodgy coke off the bar, while you are waiting for your pint, if so, Id be down 2 bags while waiting on the latte leathers. PPs Can you still batter the latte mob, when they leave "no fight indoors" PPS e;ectricty just came back, wife & kids are happy/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ziggy Posted November 20, 2017 Share Posted November 20, 2017 28 minutes ago, IainMorton said: People (girls) that sit in the office with jackets and hats on, moaning about the cold. A guy in my office has his own blanket that he puts over his legs on cold days. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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