scottsdad Posted May 21 Share Posted May 21 I phoned my local B&Q to ask how big the queue is. They said it is the same size as the B. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blackislekillie Posted May 22 Share Posted May 22 What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Spoiler Bing sings, Walt disnae. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 On 21/05/2024 at 20:32, scottsdad said: I phoned my local B&Q to ask how big the queue is. They said it is the same size as the B. Hands up everyone that googled a picture of a B&Q store to check if this is true! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Diamond Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beckford Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 16 hours ago, blackislekillie said: What's the difference between Bing Crosby and Walt Disney? Hide contents Bing sings, Walt disnae. I knew this one with Patsy Kensit instead of Bing Crosby lol 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Beckford Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 On 21/05/2024 at 20:32, scottsdad said: I phoned my local B&Q to ask how big the queue is. They said it is the same size as the B. Is there a B&Q in Dundee? Naw son two Ds and two Es 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 5 minutes ago, Beckford said: I knew this one with Patsy Kensit instead of Bing Crosby lol Ah kens it, he kens it, even Patsy… 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HI HAT Posted May 23 Share Posted May 23 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claudia Gentile Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 Contemplation at its finest. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arch Stanton Posted May 26 Share Posted May 26 An old lady is shopping in a supermarket. She comes up to the cashier with six cans of cat food. "I'm sorry," says the cashier, "I can't sell you cat food unless you can prove to me that you own a cat." "Why?" says the old lady. "Our manager heard that old people are buying cat food and eating it themselves, and he finds that unacceptable." "That's ridiculous, I have to make an extra trip?" says the old lady. But sha goes home and gets her cat, brings it back to the store, and they sell her the cat food. A few days later she comes back to the store and comes up to the cashier with a big box of dog biscuits. "I'm sorry, I can't sell you those unless you prove to me that you have a dog." "Ridiculous, I have to make an extra trip again?" But she goes home and gets her dog, brings it back to the store, and they sell her the dog biscuits. A few days later the old lady comes back to the store carrying a small box, and approaches the same cashier. "What's in the box?" the cashier asks. "Stick your finger in this hole and find out." "Oh no, you've got a snake or something that will bite me or scratch me in there!" "No, there's nothing alive in it," says the old lady. So the cashier sticks a finger in the hole, feels something soft, takes the finger out and says "Ew! That smells like shite" "It is shite" says the old lady. "Now can I buy some toilet paper?" 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
superwell87 Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner. She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted May 28 Share Posted May 28 1 hour ago, superwell87 said: Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner. She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks. If Claudia Schiffer married Brains from Thunderbirds, she would be Claudia Schiffer-Brains 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 And if the actress Tuesday Weld married the grandson of actor Fredric March, she'd be Tuesday March the Third. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BillyAnchor Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pozbaird Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 Martian crashes his spaceship just outside Glasgow. He staggers into the nearest boozer and says ‘gie’s a pint, and make it quick’. Barman says ‘fcuk off, we don’t serve wee green men in here, you’ll frighten the customers’. The Martian looks around the packed bar, everyone staring at him. He says ‘look, I’ve had a kunt of a day, flew millions of miles, fell out the sky, fcuk sake, look, gie’s a pint and I’ll buy the drinks all night.’ The barman only needs a second… ‘Hey! The drinks are on the Martian! Fcuking pile in!’… The night turns into a mental session. At midnight, with everyone chucked out, the barman turns to the Martian… ‘right ye’ are, that’ll be two thousand, one hundred and twenty quid’. The Martian says… ‘you got change of a Zonk?’ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing it would be a strange wedding because he's been dead since 1994. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Glen Scotia Posted May 29 Share Posted May 29 (edited) Two facts about Yule Brynner, 1. He doesn't wear aftershave and 2. He supports Liverpool. "Yule never wear Cologne" Edited May 29 by Glen Scotia Edit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bully Wee Villa Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 6 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said: If Whoopi Goldberg married Peter Cushing it would be a strange wedding because he's been dead since 1994. "Ghost 2"? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tamthebam Posted May 30 Share Posted May 30 If Yuri Geller's ma had married Elmer Fudd then he'd have been Yuri Fudd 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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