Depression

[alta-pete]

On 19/10/2023 at 22:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

A terrible male dichotomy - not wanting to cause a fuss yet it’s also nice to feel the appreciation maybe once in a wee while for all that you do.

Your birthday seems like it should be an easy pitstop for them to do that. And that, this year, seems to have been denied you.

But others get to be more theatric (if that’s fair?) day to day if they think they’re not recognised for their also significant efforts in raising, and holding together, the family.

I don’t have the answer (sorry) but been there, done that, got the medal, lost the house (pah!) - you’re not unique my friend. Do keep venting on here. Just getting it out to anyone will help immeasurably. 

Edited October 20, 2023 by alta-pete

[velo army]

On 19/10/2023 at 22:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

Only just came on this thread after months of studious avoidance and this one really moved me.

Your wife feeling less loved and blaming you for your lack of affection is something that will push you away rather than bring you in. You hinted that it was missing from your personality, but it's something we can only give if we've received it ourselves in a safe way. Or if it's been modelled for us (if your father was affectionate with your mum, for example). 

The birthday thing is huge and can't be underestimated. You said that you're on everyone's periphery but nobody's focus. That's a really beautiful way to express that. Birthdays are the one day of the year set aside to celebrate ourselves, for you to have you reminded that you are loved and that people in your life are delighted by you. It's such a core need and brings up so many wounds that people often underplay their birthday or avoid it altogether. It can be too raw.

But it sounds like something is stirring in you and it's it's much more common than you think. The sadness that "might become an issue" isn't a pathology or mental illness. It's a natural reaction to your own loneliness. 

My invitation to you would be to find a space where you give yourself permission to express that sadness, and also treat yourself kindly for not doing that. I know how terrifying it is.

I don't know if this is a comfort, but what you've described and what you're experiencing is very common amongst men of a particular age (I'm guessing you're between 35-45). It sounds like there is a part of you that really wants to be heard and seen and that big sadness you mentioned is an invitation to begin that process.

Fucking scary though.

 

 

 

[TxRover]

On 19/10/2023 at 16:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

Vent away. There is often an inflection point in relationships, and marriages are no different. The issue here seems to be one of the wife is pushing for change to a mode she’s more comfortable with, but the question has to be asked, why now and not much earlier? Add to that that you’re now looking at all her friends and wondering what did she tell them and what are they thinking.

I found, in my case, that the typical male focus on work/providing and ensure the kids had the right chances, tended to make the wife feel under appreciated. The problem than occurred from that was once she saw changes in behavior appeared possible (it was only with a careful, deliberate focus because what she was wanting is somewhat alien to many men), she was pushing for more and more and becoming resentful when it didn’t happen “like that” (snap of the fingers).

Joint counseling gave us ground to work on together, but it doesn’t always have as good a result, and even with common ground and understanding, it takes both parties working hard to make it work.

I suspect the literal throwaway birthday wish from your wife bothers you because I expect you did the traditional thing, planning something, getting some nice stuff and finding a present…and you didn’t feel like very much, if any, effort was put into the reciprocal by her. It’s easy to say you don’t want/need anything, but even something inexpensive that shows thought should have been forthcoming.

The fact you are concerned about this is good, because it means you recognize the possible issue in plenty of time to try to address it. Good luck, and happy belated birthday!

[DA Baracus]

On 19/10/2023 at 22:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

First of all, happy birthday my man! Reckon you're actually a young lad (you must be under 40, like myself, as you come across as a young soul!).

Sounds like yourself and the wife are in a bit of a rut. Might be no fault on each side, might be some fault on each side, might be some fault on one side; doesn't matter. What matters, to you, is you seem like you want to try and find a solution. 

Maybe try and arrange a date night where you have no kids around (if possible fire them off to family) but you also act like it's a first date? Even better if you can f**k off for a weekend without the kids and try to reconnect as a couple?

Apparently it's really hard to keep up a romantic relationship when raising kids. I wouldn't know but you seem cool and doing your best, even for a Falkirk fan.

On 20/10/2023 at 16:00, Clarko_son said:

This is something I had been putting off for years and it's made a huge difference so far. I had real reservations about using medication for one reason or another but I bit the bullet after a weird couple of months where I started feeling completely out of control emotionally. 

I had felt down years ago but think it was just due to hitting a bit of a slump in my life and being in a job I really didn't enjoy. This time my mood was just swinging all over the scale throughout the day and at a friend's wedding had a complete breakdown which wasn't the best exactly. It was one of those where alcohol was involved as well but think it just removed inhibition and I was saying things that I'd suppressed rather than just talking pish, thankfully to my wife rather than making any public scene.

I've found sertraline has helped smooth things out a bit. I've still had a few bad days (1 really bad) but overall things feel a lot more in control which was pretty much all I had really wanted. I've tried CBT before but there's just something about it that I can't put my finger on about how it just doesn't seem to work for me. I would feel much better in the sessions and immediately after but by the next day or later on the same day I'd be back feeling all over the place again. Might just be the people I've had or something else altogether but I couldn't really get much out of it.

The misery side of things was even getting to the point where we went away on holiday at the start of September and all I ended up doing was just moaning about everything and getting to the point where my wife was calling me out about it. While I'd also tried to keep work out of it as I actually like what I do, naturally it seeped into that as well and my performance went completely down the shitter the past few months. Thankfully I've got a boss that's been supportive about it all and if anything it taught me a lesson that seems really obvious yet I hadn't really picked up on, some bad figures aren't the end of the world. I know I'm fortunate in that side of things as there's been other places I've been where this wouldn't have been the case.

Sorry this is just turned into a ramble but basically if you're kind of on the fence about medication I'd try and keep an open mind about it. It's not necessarily a recommendation and it's just based on my experience of it but it's helped me. Likewise CBT or other therapies might work just I didn't find them great.

Haha my man, I felt the same about CBT except for one session. That session asked to reflect each week and look at, and note, all evidence that disproved my negative inner monologue and also proved I was a good person, or at least tied to be, with specific examples.

Often these were/are small things, but⁹ they said I was doing ok and not a piece of shit. 

At times they made little difference and seemed dumb/for morons, but when looked at and in depth they often seemed not too bad and not balanced against good stuff. 

The past is hard to escape despite everything.

On 20/10/2023 at 20:36, RH33 said:

After I few really trying weeks, where I was really pushed limits of coping. I'm pretty sure I'm though danger zone.

Wary posting too much in public but some people get cheap thrills trying to break others.

 

DANGER ZONE!

Sorry, couldn't resist!

Really glad to hear you're through the worst of things. You come across on here as so strong. You've come through so much shit and still deal with so much stuff, yet you're on here often letting us know you're OK.

It sounds so hard, yet you come across on here as a witty, funny young lady who is doing an excellent job raising her kids, despite how pish your team is.

Edited October 22, 2023 by DA Baracus

[DA Baracus]

I've wanted to die for years (but I'm so scared of that). But have also wanted to be alive for years. I hope I will be.

I've horribly wasted my chances. I've desicrated not just life but the very suggestion of existence l.

I've horribly wasted my privilege.

Edited October 22, 2023 by DA Baracus

[Ekhibee88]

Felt that way recently with work and so called pals, I am just irrelevant . Shall i go to the Xmas night out or not? Do people care if I go? 

[TxRover]

16 hours ago, Ekhibee88 said:

Felt that way recently with work and so called pals, I am just irrelevant . Shall i go to the Xmas night out or not? Do people care if I go? 

Go to the Xmas night, stay sober, and enjoy the fun? They'll all care when they wake up and remember you probably remember it all.

[TxRover]

7 hours ago, Jamessmith0901 said:

I don't know if I am depressed, but I feel so much sadness lately and lack of interest 

Here’s how the Mayo Clinic defines it: 

“Depression is a mood disorder that causes a persistent feeling of sadness and loss of interest. Also called major depressive disorder or clinical depression, it affects how you feel, think and behave and can lead to a variety of emotional and physical problems. You may have trouble doing normal day-to-day activities, and sometimes you may feel as if life isn't worth living.

More than just a bout of the blues, depression isn't a weakness and you can't simply "snap out" of it.”

By that, you’ve a potential textbook case. Don’t wait, reach out and make a few inquiries about getting some assistance in understanding and dealing with these feelings. Amazingly, far too many people ignore it and do try to snap out of it, with sometimes tragic consequences. Also, feel free to come on here and ask, there are plenty of people with experience dealing with this nasty thing.

[thistledo]

On 07/10/2023 at 13:11, Thistle_do_nicely said:

couple of things i want to say, just as general points, hoping someone can find these handy:

i) dont be afraid to bite the bullet and go to the doctors for medication. ended up getting prescribed sertraline and, while not a wonderdrug, its definitely making a difference

ii) this is harder, on account of the drinking culture & tbh there's every chance other people can handle it more responsibly but i went teetotal from the beginning of last september (long story but i went out to watch the old firm and my dad had to give me a lift into work the next day) and that alone has made a crazy, crazy difference to my mood/energy levels.

took an nhs questionnaire thing that said i was at high risk of alcohol dependency, not at the point of sneaking a hip flask into work or risking my driving licence or that, was more a change in my drinking habits that every time id start it became automatic to blitz it, physically couldnt stop at one/two/three anymore.

think theres some thing i read that alcohol affects how your liver processes fat too on top of the empty calories, i found an old pair of jeans i havent worn since i was about 18 that i can fit into again, well chuffed, so it'll help you physically too.

genuinely dont think ill drink ever again, explained it to my regular drinking buddy and he's understanding so if you're worried about missing out on social events dont fret it, anyone worth their salt will get why.

EDIT: the above is out of the scope of people with alcohol addiction issues, im lucky enough to be able to do it cold turkey, it's more just if you binge every other weekend id recommend trying to go teetotal.

Tremendous effort on the drink front to chuck it, not an easy thing to do, I hope you feel not only much better but a pride in doing so. 

I'm actually at a point where I enjoy drinking a lot, probably drink too much at the weekends and I'd love to just chuck it altogether at the same time. It feels a lot like I drink at times just to get through something, not really sure what it is, but I think when it's over I'll stop drinking. I don't drink midweek at all and I don't miss it, annoyingly at the weekend I feel like it's just part of the ritual, especially the pre-football drinking. 

Edited October 23, 2023 by thistledo

[scottsdad]

6 minutes ago, thistledo said:

Tremendous effort on the drink front to chuck it, not an easy thing to do, I hope you feel not only much better but a pride in doing so. 

I'm actually at a point where I enjoy drinking a lot, probably drink too much at the weekends and I'd love to just chuck it altogether at the same time. It feels a lot like I drink at times just to get through something, not really sure what it is, but I think when it's over I'll stop drinking. I don't drink midweek at all and I don't miss it, annoyingly at the weekend I feel like it's just part of the ritual, especially the pre-football drinking. 

I'm in a similar boat - drink too much especially at weekends. When I'm driving in the morning I don't drink the night before and don't miss it one bit. Just habit - one I need to change. I'm at the stage where I wake up feeling rotten and a headache can last all day. 

[HoBNob]

On 19/10/2023 at 22:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

Hoping the venting made you feel better. 

I'm not an expert by any means, and I'm probably just putting things together to come to a solution, but is the kids situation not playing a large part? From posts on here I'm sure your little ones are a bit older than mine, but for the year he's been here me and my wife have had a noticeable drop in time together, I think we've only done one "thing" (Cinema and Indian, barbie movie, was excellent). Now I don't have any clear solution to that with you not having any family near by, but a night out together with just yourselves and not the kids is nice occasionally, even after you get over the guilt of not spending money on the kids. 

If you don't mind me asking but do you "know" she's talked to her friends about this, or do you just think? Easy to say but getting annoyed and upset about hypothetical situations that may, or may not have happened and even if they did occur aren't likely to be as bad as the brains making out isn't good for the soul, been there, it's not worth the kicking you're giving yourself. 

I hope you feel better soon Bairnardo, and happy birthday. I enjoy your posts  

[FK1Bairn]

On 19/10/2023 at 22:04, Bairnardo said:

Had a really odd experience the other day.... Was my birthday this week and evidently iv hit the point where no one really gives a f**k that its my birthday anymore, which I'd always assumed I was OK with, but an IOU message in the hastily written card off the wife must have landed a bit, cos as the day went on I just felt.... Sad. When I was driving home from work, I actually felt.like crying. Just floored mood-wise. It was really weird. 

Then I got to thinking about some shit thats happened of late. Specifically afew weeks ago the wife having a bit of a meltdown that she can't keep going like we are because I'm not affectionate enough and she doesn't feel as loved as she should. Nothing to do with falling out or me not doing my bit or working hard or being a good parent, just this sort of intangible thing that's missing from my personality.... Anyway that was a few weeks ago and it's sort of got better, but again I think it might have left a mark on me, cos I got to thinking, I know she's spoke to her various pals about these problems. Women do. So now there's all these folk who have some sort of opinion on my marriage and subsequently of me, but I don't have anyone asking me what I think or feel. My pals aren't really that type of guy.... I'm not either.

It's just the whole things made me feel like I'm sort of in a lot of folks periphery, but no ones focus. I just get on and handle my shit, which is hard as we never really get a break from the kids due to lack of family, then when something makes me feel shite I don't really have many places to turn. 

Going back to the feeling of sudden sadness, iv never felt anything like it. I think il.habe to keep a eye on it, because it's the first time iv ever felt maybe there is a genuine issue there

Long post like, but felt I needed to vent it

As others have said, vent away on here! 

Your wife says you're not affectionate enough but is she putting the effort in she's expecting you to put in? Women seem to have an expectation of men that isn't what they get yet if men had the same thought towards women we'd be accused of being immature. 

How do you know she has spoken to her friends about your relationship? Are you imagining this has happened or has she told you specifics? I remember six women at work venting about their husbands one day, finally I had enough of it after half an hour and simply asked them how they would feel if they knew their husband were venting at work about them the same way they were doing. They've never done that again since and if they have I haven't been present. 

I sometimes wonder if the 24/7 news coverage and social media negatively impacts people's mental health nowadays. If it's not the Israel/Gaza situation, it's the war in Ukraine, cost of living, weather, darker nights, colder weather then with daily life of working, keeping a house running, taking kids here there and everywhere life seems to pass by in an instant and its the people closest to us that suffer as do we. 

At least you've realised there's something not right and you want to sort it out. Alcohol is the answer in the very short term but then you'll feel terrible afterwards. Is there any family at all who could take the kids even for a few hours to let you and your wife go out for a meal or just to let you have some time together alone? 

Hope you feel better for venting, that's what this thread is for

Edited October 23, 2023 by FK1Bairn

[thistledo]

19 hours ago, scottsdad said:

I'm in a similar boat - drink too much especially at weekends. When I'm driving in the morning I don't drink the night before and don't miss it one bit. Just habit - one I need to change. I'm at the stage where I wake up feeling rotten and a headache can last all day. 

It serves no real purpose either, I'm just as happy without it I think. I usually don't suffer much of a hangover though, nothing I can't deal with until a wee curer anyway. I think if I felt like hell it would be easier to say f**k that anymore. I'd say football with the lads is the main reason I end up re-starting after stopping for a while, one day turns into many far too easily. I need to give driving to a game a try, the only thing would be sitting watching my mates drink without me feeling left out and then putting up with the shite chat. 

[TxRover]

10 hours ago, Jamessmith0901 said:

Thank you for reaching out. I appreciate your concern. I am struggling with persistent feelings of sadness and loss of interest which seems to be affecting how I feel, think, and behave. I didn't know that it could be a potential case of depression. I will definitely seek help and do my best to manage my emotions better. Thanks for your help!

You are absolutely welcome. I’ve seen depression really throw people into a spiral, and the horrible thing about it is that society often thinks it’s a matter of snapping out of it, when it’s an actually, physical thing.

Asking for some help understanding how you feel, a possible diagnosis and  treatment is absolutely the way to go. Don’t let anyone lie to you that this is all mental or that you don’t need help, because that’s a slippery slope to some very dark places.

Take care, and we’re always here.

[Clarko_son]

On 22/10/2023 at 03:05, DA Baracus said:

Haha my man, I felt the same about CBT except for one session. That session asked to reflect each week and look at, and note, all evidence that disproved my negative inner monologue and also proved I was a good person, or at least tied to be, with specific examples.

Often these were/are small things, but⁹ they said I was doing ok and not a piece of shit. 

At times they made little difference and seemed dumb/for morons, but when looked at and in depth they often seemed not too bad and not balanced against good stuff.

Yeah got to agree with that, those kind of exercises kind of allowed me to see things for what they actually were as opposed to how I viewed it, I kind of wish there had been a bit more of that. I actually got myself a journal where on one page I'll write down my worry/ mood/ whatever that's bothering me then on the opposite page try and write what the rational point or bigger picture behind it actually is, might not be immediately but usually once I can think clearly again. Kind of trying to recreate it a bit I suppose.

[Guest]

I've been accused of casual racism on here. I have apologised, whether I was right to or not. For the other person the matter is closed. It's all I've been thinking about all day and I feel I should be punished more for it. It was not meant to be in any way offensive. I do feel that I need to be punished whether that it through public shame or self harm. 

I know you probably all think I'm a BNP c**t that should be banned from the Internet looking for sympathy. Probably not even mental health either just me being an attention seeking wee nazi. Sorry for wasting people's time

[Alert Mongoose]

22 minutes ago, Autistisches Nilpferd said:

I've been accused of casual racism on here. I have apologised, whether I was right to or not. For the other person the matter is closed. It's all I've been thinking about all day and I feel I should be punished more for it. It was not meant to be in any way offensive. I do feel that I need to be punished whether that it through public shame or self harm. 

I know you probably all think I'm a BNP c**t that should be banned from the Internet looking for sympathy. Probably not even mental health either just me being an attention seeking wee nazi. Sorry for wasting people's time

I think I vaguely remember that exchange. I can't remember the exact detail but I recall thinking that calling it racism was hyperbole and unjustified. 

Forget about it and try not to ruminate. Easier said than done right enough as I'm often guilty of it.

[Bigmouth Strikes Again]

51 minutes ago, Autistisches Nilpferd said:

I've been accused of casual racism on here. I have apologised, whether I was right to or not. For the other person the matter is closed. It's all I've been thinking about all day and I feel I should be punished more for it. It was not meant to be in any way offensive. I do feel that I need to be punished whether that it through public shame or self harm. 

I know you probably all think I'm a BNP c**t that should be banned from the Internet looking for sympathy. Probably not even mental health either just me being an attention seeking wee nazi. Sorry for wasting people's time

Forget about it, I've had the same from a geriatric idiot on here as well.

 Voice your opinion mate.

Don't feel guilty.

[Jives Miguel]

Anyone have any experience of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? The more I read about it, and testimonies of people with it the more I relate it to the mess of my life.

 

I have terrible social skill, inability to tell jokes or stories in a coherent fashion, constantly cant get things I'm trying to say from my brain to my mouth, mumble and speak too fast,  fall over my words, get told I talk too loudly when I've had  a drink. Clumsy b*****d always knocking over pints in the pub.

Its so hard for me to do tasks/works when there are other options of things to do that are immediately more pleasurable or enjoyable. In my job the only motivating factor I have to do work is fear of getting caught not doing it. In my home life its the same. I still have boxes sitting in front of my front door from when I moved in last year, it took me 3 months to open birthday cards I got this year, i can never bring myself to do washing clothes or the dishes until I have no choice but to do it. And when I do finally do it, the clothes stay on the drying wrack until I want to wear them or the next load of washing goes up. I have terrible willpower too and its so easy to lie to myself/talk myself out of doing things.  Ithe cant bring myself to do things that are undesirable until there is a build up of necessity/shame/fear

I have no goals or aspirations in life, and never have at any point ever. I think if i got  I used to get in trouble at school from gudance teachers because I never had a clue what I wanted to do with my life. Still dont. I was not able to get a good degree in uni, because the external motivational factors I had which enabled me to do decent in school (getting in trouble for not doing well, and not wanting to get worse grades than my friends) were gone.  It was impossible for me to concentrate in lectures, or even study. When I got round to studying for exams, it wasn't studying, it was learning the material for the first time. Coursework always started late as possible. I handed in my dissertation 6 hours late after a 27 hour session in the library finishing it. I didn't even start doing the referencing for it until after the hand-in deadline had passed. 

 

Sorry spilling out my lifestory, does this sound familiar to any ADHD-havers on here? 

[Guest]

2 minutes ago, Jives Miguel said:

Anyone have any experience of getting diagnosed with ADHD as an adult? The more I read about it, and testimonies of people with it the more I relate it to the mess of my life.

 

I have terrible social skill, inability to tell jokes or stories in a coherent fashion, constantly cant get things I'm trying to say from my brain to my mouth, mumble and speak too fast,  fall over my words, get told I talk too loudly when I've had  a drink. Clumsy b*****d always knocking over pints in the pub.

Its so hard for me to do tasks/works when there are other options of things to do that are immediately more pleasurable or enjoyable. In my job the only motivating factor I have to do work is fear of getting caught not doing it. In my home life its the same. I still have boxes sitting in front of my front door from when I moved in last year, it took me 3 months to open birthday cards I got this year, i can never bring myself to do washing clothes or the dishes until I have no choice but to do it. And when I do finally do it, the clothes stay on the drying wrack until I want to wear them or the next load of washing goes up. I have terrible willpower too and its so easy to lie to myself/talk myself out of doing things.  Ithe cant bring myself to do things that are undesirable until there is a build up of necessity/shame/fear

I have no goals or aspirations in life, and never have at any point ever. I think if i got  I used to get in trouble at school from gudance teachers because I never had a clue what I wanted to do with my life. Still dont. I was not able to get a good degree in uni, because the external motivational factors I had which enabled me to do decent in school (getting in trouble for not doing well, and not wanting to get worse grades than my friends) were gone.  It was impossible for me to concentrate in lectures, or even study. When I got round to studying for exams, it wasn't studying, it was learning the material for the first time. Coursework always started late as possible. I handed in my dissertation 6 hours late after a 27 hour session in the library finishing it. I didn't even start doing the referencing for it until after the hand-in deadline had passed. 

 

Sorry spilling out my lifestory, does this sound familiar to any ADHD-havers on here? 

Getting diagnosed with anything is a complete pain in the dick unfortunately. Doctors are referring because that's how they've decided to get waiting lists down. Speak to the ADHD coalition and you should be able to get some advice about living undiagnosed or what you can access