RuMoore Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 The guy in the football crowd blowing a raspberry accompanied with the tag "sickening scenes at the football" etc.. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Left Back Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Putting a padlock through a guys earlobe and running away with the key. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnnydun Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 Putting a pin on someone's seat. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soapy FFC Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 7 hours ago, bennett said: Folk chasing and shouting at their dogs to come back. Keeping on the dog theme, dogs that decide to crap in inappropriate places. A few weeks ago there was temporary traffic lights in the village as the road had been reduced to one lane due to road works. I was sitting at the red light waiting for the other traffic to come through. The first car coming through went to turn into the entrance of its house which was right at the traffic light, but someone was walking a small dog that decided at that exact moment to do a crap right in the middle of the entrance to the house. The car couldn’t move due to the owner and dog being in the way causing all the traffic behind to stop, and the dog wouldn’t move because it wanted to crap, and the traffic lights had changed to green for me. The owner was pulling the lead of the dog, but it just dug its heels in and kept crapping, leading to a trail of crap along the pavement that the turning car had to drive over, spreading the crap everywhere. One of the funniest things I’ve seen in a long time. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 On 31/12/2023 at 13:31, Bert Raccoon said: Someone missing a bus/train then doing that wee run thing and pretending they never wanted to catch it in the first place Till my dying day I will still laugh at the family (in a scene like the running family from the Fast Show), trying to catch the southbound train on platform 6S at Aberdeen. He made it through the barriers with what he was carrying and to the platform. The rest of the tribe were still getting through the barriers. As the train doors closed with him just reaching the platform and the train starting to move he threw one of the things he was carrying, A dog bed. It sailing and twirled down the platform at the departing train. The dog and kids and wife and bags were still clearing the barriers. The desperation of throwing a dog bed at a departing train, comedically beautiful 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sergeant Wilson Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 51 minutes ago, MEADOWXI said: Till my dying day I will still laugh at the family (in a scene like the running family from the Fast Show), trying to catch the southbound train on platform 6S at Aberdeen. He made it through the barriers with what he was carrying and to the platform. The rest of the tribe were still getting through the barriers. As the train doors closed with him just reaching the platform and the train starting to move he threw one of the things he was carrying, A dog bed. It sailing and twirled down the platform at the departing train. The dog and kids and wife and bags were still clearing the barriers. The desperation of throwing a dog bed at a departing train, comedically beautiful Was the dug in it? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Salt n Vinegar Posted January 2 Share Posted January 2 2 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Was the dug in it? If it was a bully XL, the dad probably expected the dug to drag the train to a standstill. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 12 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Was the dug in it? No dugs were harmed in the making of this moment of madness. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Swarley Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 This 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 13 hours ago, Sergeant Wilson said: Was the dug in it? The dug took the bus. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soapy FFC Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 15 minutes ago, Newbornbairn said: The dug took the bus. A Greyhound by any chance? 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
throbber Posted January 3 Author Share Posted January 3 I don’t find a dog shitting anywhere funny in the slightest but the humour is similar to misplaced farts and cock humour. I think the funny part of it is that we put various acts on in our day to day life and sometimes feel out of touch with the fact we all have strange shaped genitals and various daily bodily functions that make us come across less serious. The funniest scenario for myself is a serious person being offended by a phallus. Its a bit like the analogy of picturing people in their underwear when being anxious about a presentation or the saying “everyone puts their trousers on the same way” when you envy someone else’s position or feel that someone is belittling you. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RawB93 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 6 hours ago, throbber said: Its a bit like the analogy of picturing people in their underwear when being anxious about a presentation or the saying “everyone puts their trousers on the same way” when you envy someone else’s position or feel that someone is belittling you. We've all had to double wipe and triple flush. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEADOWXI Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 As a raise on stepping in dog shit, stepping in vomit. Early morning walk into town down King St in Aberdeen. That weird faint dirty heel mark, and another darker, and another, and another, Then a puddle of Friday night spew with with a sliding heel mark through it. Someone did a stand on a banana skin style slide, then trailed the evidence away. You know they had a horrible walk and I laughed to myself 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 My wife slipped on a banana skin last week, was hilarious. Had to keep it in check sadly or she'd have had a heads gone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (edited) Talking about people missing trains etc... reminded me of a time where I was in a train from Glasgow Central to Hamilton. Train stops at Dalmarnock and the driver makes an announcement that the train wouldn't be going any further due to a fault so asked everyone to get off and wait for the next one which would be along shortly. Everyone disembarks including a family of five including what I assume to be a husband, wife, two kids and the dad's elderly mother. Problem is the old dear wasn't too quick and rather than actually get stuck on the abandoned train, she was half on half off. Now I'm sure the doors have a safety mechanism so people don't get stuck when the doors are closing. This one clearly didn't work as the elderly lady somehow managed to get her head stuck between the two doors closing. Cue a lot of panic from the family thinking dear old grandma would be getting carted away woth her face hanging between two train doors. Thankfully they noticed and opened all the doors and the old dear got out. Obviously a short yet horrible experience for all involved but the sight of this panicked old lady with her head stuck between two train doors will never not make me laugh thinking about it Edited January 4 by Bert Raccoon 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greendot Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 9 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said: Talking about people missing trains etc... reminded me of a time where I was in a train from Glasgow Central to Hamilton. Train stops at Dalmarnock and the driver makes an announcement that the train wouldn't be going any further due to a fault so asked everyone to get off and wait for the next one which would be along shortly. Everyone disembarks including a family of five including what I assume to be a husband, wife, two kids and the dad's elderly mother. Problem is the old dear wasn't too quick and rather than actually get stuck on the abandoned train, she was half on half off. Now I'm sure the doors have a safety mechanism so people don't get stuck when the doors are closing. This one clearly didn't work as the elderly lady somehow managed to get her head stuck between the two doors closing. Cue a lot of panic from the family thinking dear old grandma would be getting carted away woth her face hanging between two train doors. Thankfully they noticed and opened all the doors and the old dear got out. Obviously a short yet horrible experience for all informed but the sight of this panicked old lady woth her head stuck between two train doors will never not make me laugh thinking about it They don't as i discovered a number of years back in London. Me and a mate were getting on the train (albeit the tube) just as the beeps were going off. As i got on the doors closed behind me as my trailing leg was half in. I panicked a bit before swinging my leg forward to get my foot in. A nearby woman noticed and tried to help by getting close to me but with one final swing my foot popped through and i accidently kneed the woman in her leg. I looked out the door after this as the tunnel narrowed to just over the width of the train so a few seconds more and i probably would have lost my foot! 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 @Shandon Par injuries. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'WellDel Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 (edited) 50 minutes ago, greendot said: They don't as i discovered a number of years back in London. Me and a mate were getting on the train (albeit the tube) just as the beeps were going off. As i got on the doors closed behind me as my trailing leg was half in. I panicked a bit before swinging my leg forward to get my foot in. A nearby woman noticed and tried to help by getting close to me but with one final swing my foot popped through and i accidently kneed the woman in her leg. I looked out the door after this as the tunnel narrowed to just over the width of the train so a few seconds more and i probably would have lost my foot! Boring train fact alert !. Don't know the workings of tube trains, but I'd have assumed they were similar to mainline trains and this definitely shouldn't have been able to happen, but not that I'm doubting it did. Basically, there is a safety mechanism by which an electrical connection is made when all the doors close and interlock. If any door fails to close fully this connection is not made and the driver is prevented from getting power to move the train. The Young Team like to use door blocking regularly to hold the train up and allow their late running mates to get on, or sometimes just use a bottle lid or some such to stop it closing as a jolly jape to make the driver have to leave his cab to remove the obstruction before they can depart the station. Loveable wee rogues that they are!!. Edited January 3 by 'WellDel 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 3 Share Posted January 3 Old women swearing. When I was a boy, my parents went to my sister's passing out parade. They drafted in my mum's auntie to come and watch my brother and I for a few days while they were away. It was brilliant. I remember her cooking for us. "What the f**k is margarine? You are growing laddies, you need proper food, not this fucking shit." She was really old and tiny, and spoke like a sailor. Turns out she wasn't interested in butter either. Lard and dripping on everything. I put on half a stone in no time and learned a whole bunch of swear words. Catherine Tate kind of ruined it though. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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