welshbairn Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Rambo paper. Doesnt take any shite off anyone and always draws first blood.Seriously though, I read some shitey clickbait article on a nightshift once about how a lot of other countries have bidets, making the very valid point that if any other part of your body was to get blootered in excrement, would you be satisfied with giving it a bit of a wipe with some thin paper I was well impressed with the shitters in Egypt, a thin copper pipe inside the bowl squirting high pressure water right at your ring piece. My rosebud has never been as clean and shiny after a shite. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shandon Par Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 2 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Welcome to @Shandon Par world. So clean random burds lick it without even being invited I don't think it was though - that's what freaked me a bit. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aidan Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Voice recognition systems on telephone menus. They never understand my elephant man voice. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
smpar Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Teams whose away kits are just the reverse of their home kit without actually making much of a distinguished difference. Does my fucking head in. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Father Ted Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 Listening to the news on the radio and they talking abot Milton Keynes being 50. Apparently it is so great as it is, 'In the heart of the country, half way between Birmingham and London, and also half way between Osford and Cambridge'. So the heart of the country is in the South-East Little Englanders. Same with weather, put on breakfast TV yesterday. Was expecting a right pea souper, the way they were talking.Where was the fog? Over that sh*thole London and Kent. Apparently the rest of the country doesn't matter.Boils my p*ss but should know the script by now. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted January 24, 2017 Share Posted January 24, 2017 "Handmade steak-burger" the menu said. It didn't mention it was about 70% beef, 30% chopped onions. Yeuch. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irvine_buddie Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 18 hours ago, The Moonster said: Aye, it's generally a weekly conversation I have with myself where I'll say on a Sunday night "bed for a reasonable hour, up at half 6 and into work,once Monday is out the way it will be easy" but yet come Monday morning I'm still lying in bed at half 8 saying "I'll leave for 9 and miss all the traffic". My aim is to get my flexi into the black for the time summer comes around and have a few long weekends but we'll see how that goes. I used to have the same problem, couldn't drag myself out of bed and flexi was in the toilet. My accidental solution was moving house (further away from work) and joining a car pool to save tons of driving. This mean I had to get out of bed or I'd miss the carpool and have to drive myself and cost myself petrol and a nap in the car. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gaz FFC Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 17 hours ago, welshbairn said: I was well impressed with the shitters in Egypt, a thin copper pipe inside the bowl squirting high pressure water right at your ring piece. My rosebud has never been as clean and shiny after a shite. So clean you could eat yer dinner off of it. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karpaty Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 The amount of absolute chancers in Glasgow City Centre begging for money. I had a woman come up to me on Friday night saying she needed £4 for a taxi as she missed the last bus to Cumbernauld. Unfortunately for her it was about 8pm and the last bus on a Friday to Cumbernauld is about 2 in the morning. Before I could say this another guy pulled her up as apparently she was there an hour before with the same spiel (I'd come out the pub an hour later for a smoke and low and behold she appears). As he's having a go at her some junkie looking bloke appears from no where and gives the guy abuse (obviously he's sent her out to con folk while he keeps her up in drugs or whatever). Actually felt really sorry for her. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 22 hours ago, MEADOWXI said: So the heart of the country is in the South-East In other news, the Pope has been found to be a Catholic. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GordonD Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 21 hours ago, Nkomo-A-Gogo said: In my old house i installed two toilet paper holders. one for the quilted and one for the rough stuff. Labelled "His" and "Hers". 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cosmic Joe Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 1 hour ago, Chris_DK said: The amount of absolute chancers in Glasgow City Centre begging for money. I had a woman come up to me on Friday night saying she needed £4 for a taxi as she missed the last bus to Cumbernauld. Unfortunately for her it was about 8pm and the last bus on a Friday to Cumbernauld is about 2 in the morning. Before I could say this another guy pulled her up as apparently she was there an hour before with the same spiel (I'd come out the pub an hour later for a smoke and low and behold she appears). As he's having a go at her some junkie looking bloke appears from no where and gives the guy abuse (obviously he's sent her out to con folk while he keeps her up in drugs or whatever). Actually felt really sorry for her. Sometimes it's not easy to tell the chancers from the genuine cases. Made a decision a while back just to donate to a food bank... 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miguel Sanchez Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Was it New Born Bairn who was moaning about the post-refurb Waterstones on Sauchiehall Street? I was in it today. Ghastly. The coffee shop and the board games and the lack of a till on the top floor and the hammering on the scaffolding outside and the busker who only plays T Rex and David Bowie I could handle, seeing Fifty Shades of Grey and its assorted sequels on the 'Literature' shelves was the last fucking straw. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
invergowrie arab Posted January 25, 2017 Share Posted January 25, 2017 Drunk Scots (97% weegies) giving the whas like us, most friendly folk in the world patter to foreigners. Was at a gig in barrowlands other night and one of the guys from the American support band was accosted at the bar by one of these p***ks shaking his hand, telling him he was welcome in the country, how everyone here is so friendly and just clearly bemusing the poor c**t. Actually I'm being unfair to weegies. Add tartan army c***s to that. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dee Man Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 7 hours ago, invergowrie arab said: Drunk Scots (97% weegies) giving the whas like us, most friendly folk in the world patter to foreigners. Was at a gig in barrowlands other night and one of the guys from the American support band was accosted at the bar by one of these p***ks shaking his hand, telling him he was welcome in the country, how everyone here is so friendly and just clearly bemusing the poor c**t. Actually I'm being unfair to weegies. Add tartan army c***s to that. The guy in the band should've asked him if he could provide a link to prove that Scottish people are any friendlier than any other nations. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Newbornbairn Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 16 hours ago, Miguel Sanchez said: Was it New Born Bairn who was moaning about the post-refurb Waterstones on Sauchiehall Street? I was in it today. No. Amazon is my friend. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hedgecutter Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 This has probably been mentioned a million times already, but f*** it: Women* in shops who have absolutely no spacial awareness and would happily block the aisles for hours. Worst offenders are those who roam the narrow passages of the menswear sections, picking up a jumper and staring at it for ages, completely unaware that you may wish to conduct a bit of shopping yourself. *may sound sexist, so I'll say that only 95% of the offenders are female. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
19QOS19 Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Drunk Scots (97% weegies) giving the whas like us, most friendly folk in the world patter to foreigners. Was at a gig in barrowlands other night and one of the guys from the American support band was accosted at the bar by one of these p***ks shaking his hand, telling him he was welcome in the country, how everyone here is so friendly and just clearly bemusing the poor c**t. Actually I'm being unfair to weegies. Add tartan army c***s to that. This. And similar, this pish that Glasgow is this big friendly City. I question the friendliness of a City that hires bouncers for a KFC 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hillonearth Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 (edited) 35 minutes ago, Hedgecutter said: This has probably been mentioned a million times already, but f*** it: Women* in shops who have absolutely no spacial awareness and would happily block the aisles for hours. Worst offenders are those who roam the narrow passages of the menswear sections, picking up a jumper and staring at it for ages, completely unaware that you may wish to conduct a bit of shopping yourself. *may sound sexist, so I'll say that only 95% of the offenders are female. Agreed - I had an impatient wifie a couple of weeks ago uncomfortably close behind me in a queue in a shop. I hadn't realised just how close to me she'd got until I went into my jacket pocket for change, causing an unfortunate elbow/tit interface. She had the cheek to growl at me...aye, nae bother. If she'd climbed out from my arse there wouldn't have been a problem. Edited January 26, 2017 by Hillonearth 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stellaboz Posted January 26, 2017 Share Posted January 26, 2017 Agreed - I had an impatient wifie a couple of weeks ago uncomfortably close behind me in a queue in a shop. I hadn't realised just how close to me she'd got until I went into my jacket pocket for change, causing an unfortunate elbow/tit interface. She had the cheek to growl at me...aye, nae bother. If she'd climbed out from my arse and there wouldn't have been a problem. Was she Japanese? 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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