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Petty Things That Get On Your Nerves...


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14 hours ago, Hillonearth said:

One time  I called round to pick up a girl I'd recently started seeing...she still lived at her parents and inevitably wasn't ready to leave when I showed up.

I was ushered into the living room to make small talk with her mother, but while she was giving me the "where did you meet her/where is it you live/what is it you do" spiel, over in the corner of the room the family retriever was cleaning itself.

Way too vigorously for my liking and eventually to completion.

The mother either didn't notice or studiously ignored what was going on, and if the former was the case I must have looked like a complete weirdo attempting to keep a straight face to the innocuous questions she was batting my way...meeting a new burd's parents is stressful enough at best without the spectacle of a goodly sized dug enthusiastically sucking itself off in your field of vision.

 

Oh come on. that's the set-up for a joke. The punchline is:

You: I wish I could do that!

Her: Give him a bone and he'll let you!

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15 hours ago, HeWhoWalksBehindTheRows said:

Weedgies are the epitome of this.

Bin lorry plows into a rake of people? Glasgow pulls together.

What would have c***s from anywhere else done? Just stood and watched?  Are we meant to pat a rake of breeds on the back cause they stopped robbing and stabbing each other for just long enough to kick a restrained terrorist in the face??

 

That chip on your shoulder heavy, mate?

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21 hours ago, Dee Man said:

The band 10cc were so called as that is the average amount of semen a guy produces.

Except it isn't.

I heard that years ago and passed it off as fact anytime spunk chat arose - which wasn't particularly regularly tbf - only for Google to let me know that I had been spreading fake news for years. 

there were other self abuse related bands and songs in history:

The Cock Soup Dragons

Johnny hates Jizz

The Clash's "w**k Throbber"

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Weedgies are the epitome of this.
Bin lorry plows into a rake of people? Glasgow pulls together.
What would have c***s from anywhere else done? Just stood and watched?  Are we meant to pat a rake of breeds on the back cause they stopped robbing and stabbing each other for just long enough to kick a restrained terrorist in the face??
 
People Make Glasgow m8.

** Cringes like f**k **
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I put a coupon on on Friday night. Inverness, Motherwell and Hibernian. 
Just went to check and see how much I'm in line for later. 
I picked Ross County in Inverness' place. 
Idiot. 

Take it that means you’ll be joining me in getting right behind Robbie Neilson’s orange army later on to ensure your error wouldn’t have mattered?
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I usually put £15 on the football on Saturdays and hold back a £5 for half time betting, yesterday for some reason I only left myself with £1 to put on at half time and it came in for £33 and not the £165 it would have been had I stuck to my usual routine.

I’m going out for a pub dinner later on today regardless.

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