Depression

[TxRover]

On 10/11/2023 at 23:53, RH33 said:

Been up all night

 

None my rescue medication in.

Missed this one when posted...just checked to see I had indeed seen you post recently...hopefully that means things have stabilized a bit!

[scottsdad]

Really not sure where to put this, as this isn't a depression thing. But no other thread seems to fit. 

After my old man died, looking back I can see clearly what my reaction was. I went into some kind of overdrive work-wise. I took on every job and task going, and have pushed through tons of stuff. Things I had previously turned down as they looked like thankless slogs, I took on. I think I've just been keeping as busy as I can to keep my brain occupied. 

I'm now starting to think this wasn't the best approach. Yesterday one of my mates at work came into my office told me I looked tired, and warned me that if I carry on like I have been I'll have a collapse of some sort. He's seen a few people do what I have been and hit a wall. Then last night the wife made an off-hand comment that if I carry on as I have been, I'll end up dead pretty soon. She meant it in a joking way but there is truth in it. 

As I said, not depression but I can see that this all stemmed from March. I've done more work-wise in the last 7 or 8 months than I would normally do in a couple of years. And I have enjoyed it - taking on senior roles is a bit of a power trip, if I'm honest. 

[Venti]

46 minutes ago, scottsdad said:

Really not sure where to put this, as this isn't a depression thing. But no other thread seems to fit. 

After my old man died, looking back I can see clearly what my reaction was. I went into some kind of overdrive work-wise. I took on every job and task going, and have pushed through tons of stuff. Things I had previously turned down as they looked like thankless slogs, I took on. I think I've just been keeping as busy as I can to keep my brain occupied. 

I'm now starting to think this wasn't the best approach. Yesterday one of my mates at work came into my office told me I looked tired, and warned me that if I carry on like I have been I'll have a collapse of some sort. He's seen a few people do what I have been and hit a wall. Then last night the wife made an off-hand comment that if I carry on as I have been, I'll end up dead pretty soon. She meant it in a joking way but there is truth in it. 

As I said, not depression but I can see that this all stemmed from March. I've done more work-wise in the last 7 or 8 months than I would normally do in a couple of years. And I have enjoyed it - taking on senior roles is a bit of a power trip, if I'm honest. 

I'm not in anyway an expert.

Burying yourself with work is a quite common coping mechanism.

Just disctracting you from the grief about your father,

Maybe allow yourself time to process his passing & listen to your wife.

[FK1Bairn]

7 hours ago, scottsdad said:

Really not sure where to put this, as this isn't a depression thing. But no other thread seems to fit. 

After my old man died, looking back I can see clearly what my reaction was. I went into some kind of overdrive work-wise. I took on every job and task going, and have pushed through tons of stuff. Things I had previously turned down as they looked like thankless slogs, I took on. I think I've just been keeping as busy as I can to keep my brain occupied. 

I'm now starting to think this wasn't the best approach. Yesterday one of my mates at work came into my office told me I looked tired, and warned me that if I carry on like I have been I'll have a collapse of some sort. He's seen a few people do what I have been and hit a wall. Then last night the wife made an off-hand comment that if I carry on as I have been, I'll end up dead pretty soon. She meant it in a joking way but there is truth in it. 

As I said, not depression but I can see that this all stemmed from March. I've done more work-wise in the last 7 or 8 months than I would normally do in a couple of years. And I have enjoyed it - taking on senior roles is a bit of a power trip, if I'm honest. 

 

6 hours ago, Venti said:

I'm not in anyway an expert.

Burying yourself with work is a quite common coping mechanism.

Just disctracting you from the grief about your father,

Maybe allow yourself time to process his passing & listen to your wife.

Absolutely agree with the reply. Throwing yourself into work is an automatic coping mechanism at the time that does eventually wear off. Take some time to process your grief, if your wife and friend are telling you what they did they say it from a concerned point of view. 

[BigBo10]

4 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

 

Absolutely agree with the reply. Throwing yourself into work is an automatic coping mechanism at the time that does eventually wear off. Take some time to process your grief, if your wife and friend are telling you what they did they say it from a concerned point of view. 

I agree here. Having done something similar when my marriage broke down I thought I was fine. You don’t know you’re damaging your health because you’ve convinced yourself this is a good thing. People who know you well however see the impact on you of what you’re doing. Take a metaphorical step back and big deep breath to reflect on your health. Things like how you’re sleeping, eating, exercising etc. or has your social life changed. 
I’m not critiquing here. It’s easy for me looking in to tell you what to do but sometimes we’re our own biggest problem. 

[Ocelot1877]

I have hit a real rough point recently, probably the worst iv been in 7-8 years to be honest. 
 

I forgot how exhausting this whole thing can be. Mentally.Spiritually.emotionally. Physically. Sometimes just having small talk at work is an effort. I’m glad I nipped a bad relationship with alcohol in the bud a few years ago as it was a big crutch for me. 
 

Thankfully I’m in a much better place than I was back then through a lot of hard work. I’m going to be going back to Therapy and starting CBT in January however I feel a bit ashamed it’s came to this again and I don’t know why. 

I know these things pass and things are always magnified 10 fold and that’s the important thing to remember I feel. 
 

I hope everyone else is doing well at the moment  ( or as well as they can be)

 

 

 

Edited December 8, 2023 by Ocelot1877

[TxRover]

42 minutes ago, Ocelot1877 said:

I have hit a real rough point recently, probably the worst iv been in 7-8 years to be honest. 
 

I forgot how exhausting this whole thing can be. Mentally.Spiritually.emotionally. Physically. Sometimes just having small talk at work is an effort. I’m glad I nipped a bad relationship with alcohol in the bud a few years ago as it was a big crutch for me. 
 

Thankfully I’m in a much better place than I was back then through a lot of hard work. I’m going to be going back to Therapy and starting CBT in January however I feel a bit ashamed it’s came to this again and I don’t know why. 

I know these things pass and things are always magnified 10 fold and that’s the important thing to remember I feel. 
 

I hope everyone else is doing well at the moment  ( or as well as they can be)

Glad to hear you’ve recognized the situation and already acted to improve it. You are spot on about the fact we always magnify the problems and worries, and it is exhausting sometimes. I’ve come through about a year and a half of slow improvement punctuated with blasts of truly exhausting bulls**t from my now ex, and it’s vital to make that time for yourself! The work small talk is something that is so minor and yet so draining sometimes simply because you want to yell at people that what they are talking about doesn’t matter, but you’re not “allowed” to say it. Of course, now and then I’ve been known to be a little too honest, and then say “I’m sorry, was that my out loud voice!”…not recommended, but sometimes cathartic…depends how strict the HR department is.

Stick in there, and give us an assessment of how CBT worked for you. Whatever you do, never feel ashamed for getting help when things come up, it’s the right thing to do. Also, this can be one of the most difficult times of the year, so make time for your own mental health a priority.

[scottsdad]

15 hours ago, Ocelot1877 said:

I have hit a real rough point recently, probably the worst iv been in 7-8 years to be honest. 
 

I forgot how exhausting this whole thing can be. Mentally.Spiritually.emotionally. Physically. Sometimes just having small talk at work is an effort. I’m glad I nipped a bad relationship with alcohol in the bud a few years ago as it was a big crutch for me. 
 

Thankfully I’m in a much better place than I was back then through a lot of hard work. I’m going to be going back to Therapy and starting CBT in January however I feel a bit ashamed it’s came to this again and I don’t know why. 

I know these things pass and things are always magnified 10 fold and that’s the important thing to remember I feel. 
 

I hope everyone else is doing well at the moment  ( or as well as they can be)

 

 

 

Hope the therapy helps, and this thread is always a space to vent it you need.

[Venti]

16 hours ago, Ocelot1877 said:

I have hit a real rough point recently, probably the worst iv been in 7-8 years to be honest. 
 

I forgot how exhausting this whole thing can be. Mentally.Spiritually.emotionally. Physically. Sometimes just having small talk at work is an effort. I’m glad I nipped a bad relationship with alcohol in the bud a few years ago as it was a big crutch for me. 
 

Thankfully I’m in a much better place than I was back then through a lot of hard work. I’m going to be going back to Therapy and starting CBT in January however I feel a bit ashamed it’s came to this again and I don’t know why. 

I know these things pass and things are always magnified 10 fold and that’s the important thing to remember I feel. 
 

I hope everyone else is doing well at the moment  ( or as well as they can be)

 

 

 

I empathise 100% about the feeling a bit ashamed.

Embrace the fact that it's not self -pity. It's being conscience of your behaviour.

Try to not overthink things. Will probabaly lead to more anxeity.

[johnnydun]

17 hours ago, Ocelot1877 said:

I have hit a real rough point recently, probably the worst iv been in 7-8 years to be honest. 
 

I forgot how exhausting this whole thing can be. Mentally.Spiritually.emotionally. Physically. Sometimes just having small talk at work is an effort. I’m glad I nipped a bad relationship with alcohol in the bud a few years ago as it was a big crutch for me. 
 

Thankfully I’m in a much better place than I was back then through a lot of hard work. I’m going to be going back to Therapy and starting CBT in January however I feel a bit ashamed it’s came to this again and I don’t know why. 

I know these things pass and things are always magnified 10 fold and that’s the important thing to remember I feel. 
 

I hope everyone else is doing well at the moment  ( or as well as they can be)

 

 

 

Hope you start to feel a bit better after writing it down and sharing.

[FK1Bairn]

I'm back to finding stupid petty things really annoying me. I've had a rant in the C**ts on the road and Infuriating Things Your Partner Does threads about stuff that really is petty and not worth getting myself into a state about but I can't help overthinking stuff. 

I've got plenty work to be getting on with but no motivation to get it done. I'm good at looking busy but if my boss was to ask me what I've done in a productive sense this week my answer would be the square root of hee haw. 

Sometimes I think its the time of year that makes me feel like this but I've got a good job that pays well and I enjoy when I've got the motivation,  a supportive partner and an amazing wee boy. I just can't stop feeling empty and fed up

[thistledo]

1 hour ago, FK1Bairn said:

I'm back to finding stupid petty things really annoying me. I've had a rant in the C**ts on the road and Infuriating Things Your Partner Does threads about stuff that really is petty and not worth getting myself into a state about but I can't help overthinking stuff. 

I've got plenty work to be getting on with but no motivation to get it done. I'm good at looking busy but if my boss was to ask me what I've done in a productive sense this week my answer would be the square root of hee haw. 

Sometimes I think its the time of year that makes me feel like this but I've got a good job that pays well and I enjoy when I've got the motivation,  a supportive partner and an amazing wee boy. I just can't stop feeling empty and fed up

Probably is the time of year mate, Christmas wind down man, try not to overthink it and embrace the more relaxed approach. 

I've just written a very passive aggressive to do list in the run up to Christmas for me and the missus, because between her and the two kids they are the messiest people in the world, truly world leading experts in accumulating clutter and leaving it lying around the house and it infuriates me. I've not let this go, but I'm letting lots of other things go, just gotta pick some battles and let others go. 

If you've only got c***s bad driving and petty things to worry about, you're doing a lot of other things right, take solace in that, don't be too hard on yourself for feeling fed up or can't be arsed. 

[TxRover]

3 hours ago, FK1Bairn said:

I'm back to finding stupid petty things really annoying me. I've had a rant in the C**ts on the road and Infuriating Things Your Partner Does threads about stuff that really is petty and not worth getting myself into a state about but I can't help overthinking stuff. 

I've got plenty work to be getting on with but no motivation to get it done. I'm good at looking busy but if my boss was to ask me what I've done in a productive sense this week my answer would be the square root of hee haw. 

Sometimes I think its the time of year that makes me feel like this but I've got a good job that pays well and I enjoy when I've got the motivation,  a supportive partner and an amazing wee boy. I just can't stop feeling empty and fed up

SAD is very real, and very much a threat to those with struggles. As thistledo says, you’ve got less than it feels if yelling about an Evri driver is the highlight of your rage. At work, perhaps it’s time to tune your work to something that you’ve been avoiding and pour that frustration into beating that spreadsheet/document/presentation senseless. Since you’re not feeling the normal stuff, hitting that nasty job that’s been hiding in the shadows might just make everything feel a little easier.

If you need to feel better about some things or be amazed at some stupidity, NotAlwaysRight dot com is always worth it, especially the occasional story featuring a Scottish granny.

Edited December 14, 2023 by TxRover

[velo army]

On 14/12/2023 at 11:03, FK1Bairn said:

I'm back to finding stupid petty things really annoying me. I've had a rant in the C**ts on the road and Infuriating Things Your Partner Does threads about stuff that really is petty and not worth getting myself into a state about but I can't help overthinking stuff. 

I've got plenty work to be getting on with but no motivation to get it done. I'm good at looking busy but if my boss was to ask me what I've done in a productive sense this week my answer would be the square root of hee haw. 

Sometimes I think its the time of year that makes me feel like this but I've got a good job that pays well and I enjoy when I've got the motivation,  a supportive partner and an amazing wee boy. I just can't stop feeling empty and fed up

This is the word that popped up to me when I started to read this post. Like you're trying to pour from an empty cup.

To slightly adjust what TxRover said, SAD is "real" but it doesn't tell the whole story. We're evolved to be productive during the summer, spring and early autumn. What our bodies are supposed to do in Winter is to live on the food we've stored and to keep warm. I reckon that most of what we call depression comes from living an unnatural life contrary to the needs and cycles of our bodies. We end up getting all fucked up in Winter because we're trying to maintain a level of production and energy that our bodies aren't set up for. 

I know this might sound like a wild shout, but in my experience underneath a lot of the anger experienced as the irritation and annoyance at the mundane minutiae is neediness and sadness. I would guess that there was some sort of panic or anxiety attached to the anger too, which would be understandable as we want to protect that soft and needy part of ourselves from being known. It honestly sounds like you need a good cry or similar catharsis. 

If you're open to a bit of advice, next time you feel that anger rising grab a pillow and scream into it. Combine that with battering f**k out of your bed. Emotion like that can't be explained or persuaded away, it needs to come out so that what really needs to be felt can find the room. The second piece of advice would be to find someone to give you a really good hug. Studies show that to for oxytocin to be produced in significant quantities the hug should last at least 30 seconds. Most hugs are short and tense. Take the time.

[velo army]

Anyway, I came on to post about me, but reading up on others has been a nice distraction.

I'm struggling quite a bit today. I broke up with my lassie a week ago, mainly as I was too anxious in the relationship and was too focussed on making sure she didn't leave me rather than actually enjoying connecting with an amazing, loving and stupidly beautiful woman. I broke it off as I felt I needed to feel what I feared the most, being without her, and needed to deal with that.

Apart from feeling like I've made a huge mistake, I just feel like a complete failure right now. I don't really know what love is and I realise that I didn't fully trust the relationship with her. She's truly incredible. The most sexual and beautiful woman I've ever been with and also the most powerfully attractive to other guys. She is well aware that she could have pretty much any guy she wants. It's a bit of a superpower of hers. Yet, she chose me completely and enthusiastically and continued to choose this moody f**k up over any number of handsome dutchmen (she's Dutch and lives 15mins from Groningen) who are successful and have their shite far more sorted than I have. 

She lives entirely on feelings, so if it feels right she doesn't question it, which I find utterly maddening. Our relationship felt right, so she didn't think about why she loves me, she just does. I realise that I don't even know what love is or what it feels like. I think I do, but it isn't a feeling that lasts, so I don't consider it a sustainable or particularly trustworthy force. I feel completely nihilistic about my own future in terms of love and relationships and right now I feel utterly alone. I haven't had anyone text me in days just to check in or say hello, and before Rianne I didn't have it that much either. 

I appreciate that it's a bad day which is throwing everything into the sharp focus of a deeply unkind lens, but I feel utterly worthless. I've also done so much work on myself over the years and it still feels for nothing. I'm still rejecting love because I don't believe that it's really for me, that they'll take it away at a moment's notice once they see me more clearly. I work in an insanely easy, boring and poorly paid job and my mind is a pretty chaotic place. I really struggle to apply for jobs and move my life forward to any degree. Ach I feel really lonely and especially tonight. 

I know it'll get better, but right now it all feels pretty dark, lonely and hopeless.

[Raidernation]

Hello folks.

Been an horrendous November and first half of December.

Hospitalised twice; Mid November, in the mental health unit at the local hospital. 

Last week, stress leading to gastro-intestinal issues (very scary after the surgery earlier this year).

In between had a complete breakdown and somehow dredged up some stuff from my early childhood (we're talking over 50 years ago folks) that was basically "abuse" that has been buried and ignored for all those years. Finally spoke to my therapist about it and making progress (might also explain some of the alcohol issues), also had a long, long conversation with stepdaughter #2 about everything. Apparently (as posted elsewhere) she's been incredibly worried about me (you don't always realise the effect you have on others, apparently she's been really scared I was going to be gone).

My apartment is an absolute disgrace, but I've started working on cleaning up, I just do what I can until I get too tired and I can accept that without getting overwhelmed now. Sometimes all I can do is 5 minutes, but I regard even that as a victory these days.

Back at work this week after over a month off and it's physically exhausting, but I'm happy to be with people I enjoy working wit, and the kids have been delighted to have me back! 

Anyway, holidays from Friday until 8/1 so I have plans to keep busy, go to AA and "survivor's" meetings. Christmas Day/Birthday (same day) with family, so will enjoy that!

Hope that's not too much guys, but I thought I should share, might help someone?

 

Always open for a pm.

Thanks for this thread,

N

 

[Bert Raccoon]

2 hours ago, velo army said:

Anyway, I came on to post about me, but reading up on others has been a nice distraction.

I'm struggling quite a bit today. I broke up with my lassie a week ago, mainly as I was too anxious in the relationship and was too focussed on making sure she didn't leave me rather than actually enjoying connecting with an amazing, loving and stupidly beautiful woman. I broke it off as I felt I needed to feel what I feared the most, being without her, and needed to deal with that.

Apart from feeling like I've made a huge mistake, I just feel like a complete failure right now. I don't really know what love is and I realise that I didn't fully trust the relationship with her. She's truly incredible. The most sexual and beautiful woman I've ever been with and also the most powerfully attractive to other guys. She is well aware that she could have pretty much any guy she wants. It's a bit of a superpower of hers. Yet, she chose me completely and enthusiastically and continued to choose this moody f**k up over any number of handsome dutchmen (she's Dutch and lives 15mins from Groningen) who are successful and have their shite far more sorted than I have. 

She lives entirely on feelings, so if it feels right she doesn't question it, which I find utterly maddening. Our relationship felt right, so she didn't think about why she loves me, she just does. I realise that I don't even know what love is or what it feels like. I think I do, but it isn't a feeling that lasts, so I don't consider it a sustainable or particularly trustworthy force. I feel completely nihilistic about my own future in terms of love and relationships and right now I feel utterly alone. I haven't had anyone text me in days just to check in or say hello, and before Rianne I didn't have it that much either. 

I appreciate that it's a bad day which is throwing everything into the sharp focus of a deeply unkind lens, but I feel utterly worthless. I've also done so much work on myself over the years and it still feels for nothing. I'm still rejecting love because I don't believe that it's really for me, that they'll take it away at a moment's notice once they see me more clearly. I work in an insanely easy, boring and poorly paid job and my mind is a pretty chaotic place. I really struggle to apply for jobs and move my life forward to any degree. Ach I feel really lonely and especially tonight. 

I know it'll get better, but right now it all feels pretty dark, lonely and hopeless.

Have you told her this? Not easy but she obviously saw something in you that you don't see yourself. Meeting someone you feel like that with is special and she sound like an amazing woman from what you say. Don't let it go. If it is something you feel you don't want then fair enough but if it's your own insecurities then let her know and fight for this.

If you're sure it's over and you feel you can't recover it then reach out to friends or family. No easy when you feel no one cares but I'm sure they do and if not you have plenty of people here you can reach out to, me included.

I'd deffo suggest taking to your Mrs, worst she can do is tell you to f**k off and least you've tried. Love is not something you should let go of 

Edited December 21, 2023 by Bert Raccoon

[Venti]

2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Hello folks.

Been an horrendous November and first half of December.

Hospitalised twice; Mid November, in the mental health unit at the local hospital. 

Last week, stress leading to gastro-intestinal issues (very scary after the surgery earlier this year).

In between had a complete breakdown and somehow dredged up some stuff from my early childhood (we're talking over 50 years ago folks) that was basically "abuse" that has been buried and ignored for all those years. Finally spoke to my therapist about it and making progress (might also explain some of the alcohol issues), also had a long, long conversation with stepdaughter #2 about everything. Apparently (as posted elsewhere) she's been incredibly worried about me (you don't always realise the effect you have on others, apparently she's been really scared I was going to be gone).

My apartment is an absolute disgrace, but I've started working on cleaning up, I just do what I can until I get too tired and I can accept that without getting overwhelmed now. Sometimes all I can do is 5 minutes, but I regard even that as a victory these days.

Back at work this week after over a month off and it's physically exhausting, but I'm happy to be with people I enjoy working wit, and the kids have been delighted to have me back! 

Anyway, holidays from Friday until 8/1 so I have plans to keep busy, go to AA and "survivor's" meetings. Christmas Day/Birthday (same day) with family, so will enjoy that!

Hope that's not too much guys, but I thought I should share, might help someone?

 

Always open for a pm.

Thanks for this thread,

N

 

You've been so brave. Be proud of youself & how far you've come.

Have an amazing Christmas mate.

Keep on the good path.

['WellDel]

2 hours ago, velo army said:

Anyway, I came on to post about me, but reading up on others has been a nice distraction.

I'm struggling quite a bit today. I broke up with my lassie a week ago, mainly as I was too anxious in the relationship and was too focussed on making sure she didn't leave me rather than actually enjoying connecting with an amazing, loving and stupidly beautiful woman. I broke it off as I felt I needed to feel what I feared the most, being without her, and needed to deal with that.

Apart from feeling like I've made a huge mistake, I just feel like a complete failure right now. I don't really know what love is and I realise that I didn't fully trust the relationship with her. She's truly incredible. The most sexual and beautiful woman I've ever been with and also the most powerfully attractive to other guys. She is well aware that she could have pretty much any guy she wants. It's a bit of a superpower of hers. Yet, she chose me completely and enthusiastically and continued to choose this moody f**k up over any number of handsome dutchmen (she's Dutch and lives 15mins from Groningen) who are successful and have their shite far more sorted than I have. 

She lives entirely on feelings, so if it feels right she doesn't question it, which I find utterly maddening. Our relationship felt right, so she didn't think about why she loves me, she just does. I realise that I don't even know what love is or what it feels like. I think I do, but it isn't a feeling that lasts, so I don't consider it a sustainable or particularly trustworthy force. I feel completely nihilistic about my own future in terms of love and relationships and right now I feel utterly alone. I haven't had anyone text me in days just to check in or say hello, and before Rianne I didn't have it that much either. 

I appreciate that it's a bad day which is throwing everything into the sharp focus of a deeply unkind lens, but I feel utterly worthless. I've also done so much work on myself over the years and it still feels for nothing. I'm still rejecting love because I don't believe that it's really for me, that they'll take it away at a moment's notice once they see me more clearly. I work in an insanely easy, boring and poorly paid job and my mind is a pretty chaotic place. I really struggle to apply for jobs and move my life forward to any degree. Ach I feel really lonely and especially tonight. 

I know it'll get better, but right now it all feels pretty dark, lonely and hopeless.

 

29 minutes ago, Bert Raccoon said:

Have you told her this? Not easy but she obviously saw something in you that you don't see yourself. Meeting someone you feel like that with is special and she sound like an amazing woman from what you say. Don't let it go. If it is something you feel you don't want then fair enough but if it's your own insecurities then let her know and fight for this.

If you're sure it's over and you feel you can't recover it then reach out to friends or family. No easy when you feel no one cares but I'm sure they do and if not you have plenty of people here you can reach out to, me included.

I'd deffo suggest taking to your Mrs, worst she can do is tell you to f**k off and least you've tried. Love is not something you should let go of 

I'm 100% with Bert on this. Your words make it sound like she is your ideal woman and she was all in on you too, and that it's your own insecurities and approach that have made you draw back. If that's the case, I'd definitely be aiming for a heart to heart with her to explain where you're at in your head and try to find a way forward together. It sounds like a lost relationship that you might very soon regret. 

If, on the other hand, you've decided that you're not in the right place for a relationship and commitment at the minute then that's ok too. Just don't beat yourself up and take the time you need to work on yourself, but make sure you reach out to those around you for the support and interaction you need. All the best.

['WellDel]

2 hours ago, Raidernation said:

Hello folks.

Been an horrendous November and first half of December.

Hospitalised twice; Mid November, in the mental health unit at the local hospital. 

Last week, stress leading to gastro-intestinal issues (very scary after the surgery earlier this year).

In between had a complete breakdown and somehow dredged up some stuff from my early childhood (we're talking over 50 years ago folks) that was basically "abuse" that has been buried and ignored for all those years. Finally spoke to my therapist about it and making progress (might also explain some of the alcohol issues), also had a long, long conversation with stepdaughter #2 about everything. Apparently (as posted elsewhere) she's been incredibly worried about me (you don't always realise the effect you have on others, apparently she's been really scared I was going to be gone).

My apartment is an absolute disgrace, but I've started working on cleaning up, I just do what I can until I get too tired and I can accept that without getting overwhelmed now. Sometimes all I can do is 5 minutes, but I regard even that as a victory these days.

Back at work this week after over a month off and it's physically exhausting, but I'm happy to be with people I enjoy working wit, and the kids have been delighted to have me back! 

Anyway, holidays from Friday until 8/1 so I have plans to keep busy, go to AA and "survivor's" meetings. Christmas Day/Birthday (same day) with family, so will enjoy that!

Hope that's not too much guys, but I thought I should share, might help someone?

 

Always open for a pm.

Thanks for this thread,

N

 

Good to see you back, always a valued contributor on here.

Sorry you've had a shit time of it lately, but glad you're making headway. A step forward every day, no matter how small is progress and something to build on. Even these wee 5 mins in your apartment are heading in the right direction so take them as positives.

Your stepdaughter's concern and the reception from the kids on your return to work will hopefully help prove to you your value and love amongst others, and be a source of pride and comfort to help you continue to push yourself on.

Enjoy your holidays, and all the best going into the New Year.