TxRover Posted December 22, 2023 Share Posted December 22, 2023 Nothing I can add to the above except anyone feeling down this time of year should know there are always people buzzing around here that will listen and try to help. This can be the most challenging part of the year, but you can do it! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peil Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brother Blades Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 27 minutes ago, Peil said: f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. Easy to say, but if the expectations you’re placing on yourself are unrealistic & you realise that, then try to just enjoy the day without any expectations? Everything will be just fine, I’m sure. Enjoy the rest of your day if possible. Plenty people here to vent to, if needed. Merry Xmas. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2426255 Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 (edited) 36 minutes ago, Peil said: f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. The pressures of feeling you must live up to imagined expectations around Christmas time are difficult to deal with. You're not alone in that sense. At the end of the day, it's just an imagined force - you don't have to obey it. Edited December 25, 2023 by 2426255 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sonam Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Not an easy day for many, Christmas. Whether problems, arguments with family & annoying relatives (in laws etc) or if spending Christmas alone. Hope anyone with depression, anxiety etc does well today. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
doulikefish Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 37 minutes ago, Peil said: f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. It's just another day with a fancy dinner .Give yourself 5 mins or a wee walk around the block or just take a few depth breaths and just let yourself be calm...you will get through it no bother 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Richey Edwards Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 Some useful numbers for anyone struggling today. 9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TxRover Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 3 hours ago, Peil said: f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. The others advise is all good. In-laws visiting, especially during the holidays, can be extremely stressful, but hopefully their experience, in and of itself, of Christmas in an different place will keep them occupied and reduce your stress levels. Certainly, the different traditions will be something that with possibly cause stress, but just let things roll off your back like water off a duck. It’s never easy, and you just have to remember that those that seem to be paddling along calmly likely have those legs flailing about under the surface too! The expectations are the biggest problem here. Take a deep breath an rein them in a bit. You calling the unrealistic shows you know the facts, now follow through on what you know and shake off some of those like you know you should. The temptation to make things perfect for everyone at this time of year is a huge stressor, but it’s also impossible! Do your best, remain within your abilities, respect the limits YOU need for your own health, and have an extra bit of chocolate! Hang in there. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
velo army Posted December 25, 2023 Share Posted December 25, 2023 6 hours ago, Peil said: f**k me I'm struggling this morning. I'm thinking it's a combination of being overtired, over-stressed from the inlaws visiting from the US, and placing unrealistic expectations on myself. Been near tears twice already. It sounds like you have some idea as to why you're feeling the way you do. I'm hearing that you're experiencing a lot of stress, that you have the in-laws visiting from the US and that you're expecting things of yourself that may be beyond your capabilities. You sound overwhelmed. I was wondering about the "close to tears" part and my first thought was can you give yourself the time and space to express those tears? It takes a lot of energy and stress to contain that which wants released. It sounds like you could use some boundaries too if you're feeling so stressed and overwhelmed by the expectations attached to your role as host. I'm open for a pm if you want to bounce off me a bit. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peil Posted December 26, 2023 Share Posted December 26, 2023 Cheers everyone. Just needed some place to vent yesterday. Dinner turned out mostly ok, I somehow got everything right apart from the mashed tatties (!) Onwards and upwards 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scottsdad Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 2 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc Sorry to hear this mate. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Derry Alli Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 11 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc Sorry to read this mate, I'm the least helpful person regarding separations but if you fancy a wee natter over PM I'll gladly slag fûck oot yi. Give is until end of January and I'll get through for a night on the tiles with you. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
'WellDel Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 24 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc Sorry to hear that mate. Hope everything stays amicable for the good of all concerned and to keep things as easy as possible on the kids. If you're having a bad day, just dip your toe in something like the Clyde thread to remember that there are always others worse off than yourself... or alternatively (and 100% more advised), keep popping in here to get things off your chest, as there are always plenty decent cnuts around to offer an ear and advice when you need it. Good wishes, man. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moomintroll Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 1 hour ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc Really sorry to hear that, 'WellDel put it better than I could but can only echo the fact that there will always be someone here to try & help when the lows are at their worst. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dons_1988 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 1 hour ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc Glad to hear it’s amicable but also terribly sad. Thankfully no experience in the matter so can’t particularly help but thoughts go out to you. My wife and I were struggling not long after my daughter’s birth and I just found it desperately sad that something that had been so great could just be dying out. Thankfully it didn’t but can’t imagine how tough it is for you. All the best, pal. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bairnardo Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 2 minutes ago, Dons_1988 said: Glad to hear it’s amicable but also terribly sad. Thankfully no experience in the matter so can’t particularly help but thoughts go out to you. My wife and I were struggling not long after my daughter’s birth and I just found it desperately sad that something that had been so great could just be dying out. Thankfully it didn’t but can’t imagine how tough it is for you. All the best, pal. Appreciate everyone's kind words, just picked yours because you have pretty much nailed it in your second paragraph. To the point where I personally don't fully understand why it's even happening. But it is. Over the last few months we've had the chat where it was aired as a possibility a few times and it seems like today we both just accepted that we've both tried, but we can't keep on returning to the same talk over and over. I think ours is a familiar tale really. It seems we have slowly but surely become just a couple of pals who raise kids together. She doesn't think it's enough. I don't think there's better life out there but she can't accept not trying. I could. I'd undo that conversation in a heartbeat if I could, but that wouldn't be fair. Right now all I can think of is how to tell my kids, how to make sure they don't lose out on the life iv always said they would have, and much a chew it's all going to be. Lord help me whenever I have to navigate trying to get my hole again aswell.... 19 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bert Raccoon Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 5 minutes ago, Bairnardo said: Appreciate everyone's kind words, just picked yours because you have pretty much nailed it in your second paragraph. To the point where I personally don't fully understand why it's even happening. But it is. Over the last few months we've had the chat where it was aired as a possibility a few times and it seems like today we both just accepted that we've both tried, but we can't keep on returning to the same talk over and over. I think ours is a familiar tale really. It seems we have slowly but surely become just a couple of pals who raise kids together. She doesn't think it's enough. I don't think there's better life out there but she can't accept not trying. I could. I'd undo that conversation in a heartbeat if I could, but that wouldn't be fair. Right now all I can think of is how to tell my kids, how to make sure they don't lose out on the life iv always said they would have, and much a chew it's all going to be. Lord help me whenever I have to navigate trying to get my hole again aswell.... Horrible situation mate and hope you're OK. No specialist in this subject but if you need to vent or whatever don't hesitate to drop me a message. 0 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alta-pete Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 @Bairnardo, 15 years ago I was in the same place. Completely overwhelmed by how was I going to get through it. We managed to keep it civil, my joke from the time is that I ended up leaving with nothing but my dog, golf clubs and a cheque for half the house. I got through it. I’ll spare you the guff for now about how much happier I am now and everything that I’ve been able to do since. At the moment you’ll be feeling like you’re facing a mountain. But you’ll get there. One principal piece of advice I’ll offer is don’t move out until everything is settled. I knew what Mrs a-p MkI was like so - given it was similarly her decision - I used that to get everything concluded as quickly as possible. I have a pal who moved out of the big marital home only for his wife to renege on the apparent agreement to sell the house to downsize and split the equity. Going to a rented 1-bed flat and dealing with everything on top that a separation entails for now 18 months and still counting hasn’t been good for him. Sad to say but trust nothing for now. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RH33 Posted January 7 Share Posted January 7 2 hours ago, Bairnardo said: Separation incoming. So not strictly depressed yet but also probably incoming. But given the serious tone and helpfulness of this thread, is there anyone able to have their brain picked regarding separation (very civil, no fall out or fighting), financial shit, kids etc etc Get a seperation agreement in place as soon as. Get all your financial paperwork, savings, pensions together and head to a lawyer. Don't move out until that's sorted. It may seem civil but once houses and money involved it can go sour very quickly. Be honest with the kids, they're about the age mine were when I left. That they are loved beyond any doubt and make sure they know that. Get a stable routine in place for shared care, the best outcomes are kids who maintain regular contact with both parents. People looking in will speculate and don't be surprised if some chose a 'side'. Drop me a pm any time. 10 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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